To See You Again
by LilyBartAndTheOthers
Summary: They were simply supposed to be friends with benefits but their singular relationship soon turned out to be way too addictive. Daily updates, deals with a bit of angst (but nothing dramatic). Sort of pre-established Rizzles, just not the romantic kind (at
1. Prologue

**Author's Note: daily updates as usual and reviews more than appreciated (the story may be a tad angsty, be warned).**

 _ **"I can't help myself, I've got to see you again"**_

 **Prologue**

Unzipping Maura's skirt reminded her of Christmas mornings and birthday parties except the impatience she used to show as a child when unwrapping presents had been replaced by the tantalizing effect of slowing down her gestures. She didn't rush into things anymore. She didn't pull on the piece of clothing with a barely controlled desire just to be able to brush Maura's pale skin. The lust that drove her crazy lay within a more delicate pace, one that she saw as addictive.

Sitting on the bed, she observed Maura's figure for a while. Maura had turned her back at her and she now patiently waited to be undressed. As usual, the apartment was quiet.

They called their encounters 'sessions', a semantic subterfuge that didn't fool anyone. It always happened at night and often after a glass of wine. A whole bottle, at times. They had their rituals and they knew each other by heart. It hadn't taken them to long to reach such level of connection. As a matter of fact, it had always been there. Somehow.

Her fingertips brushed Maura's hips. She simply wanted to follow these curves she then would kiss and fully feel under her caresses. The thin fabric of the pencil skirt separated her from the real object of her desire like an unbearable curtain. She had to get rid of it. Her hands reached the well shaped waist. She followed the invisible line of Maura's lower back until the cold metal of the zipper.

The first inches down released the beige silk shirt that Maura had bought a week earlier free from the clutches of the skirt before revealing to the dimmed light of the bedroom Maura's pale skin and the lace of her lingerie.

Maura scarcely wore thongs. She preferred the elegance of expensive hipsters and designs which names remained unknown to people who had very few fashion knowledge. The underwear she chose embraced her figure with delicacy and highlighted the femininity of her curves. There wouldn't be any garter belt that evening though, because the temperatures of the day had been high. Maura didn't wear stockings in the summer. She liked feeling the warm breeze on her legs and going up her thighs.

The skirt landed on the floor quietly.

The exploration of Maura's body resumed, from her thin ankles to her well rounded buttocks. The pace remained the exact same one in spite of Jane's lips now brushing Maura's skin. Her fingertips had ceased to dictate her gestures. The palm of her hands were flat on Maura's waist which betrayed her quiet arousal with subtlety. Foreplay only lasted for a while. Soon she would need more, a lot more than buttocks and hips.

The lace slid down Maura's legs.

Abstract patterns appeared on her buttocks. Invisibly. They were drawned by Jane's lips, by the tip of her tongue sliding on the flesh and by her fingertips. A firm grip on her side let Maura understand that she could finally turn around. Jane didn't wait any longer and she buried her face between the legs that had opened to her with eagerness.

They would get rid of the shirt eventually. Jane would get undressed and they would lie in bed properly. But not just yet for their evening had barely started.

...

" _He says he's lonely, horribly lonely because of this love he feels for her. She says she's lonely too. She doesn't say why._ "

" _The Lover_... Marguerite Duras." The words slid on Maura's lips with a singular absent-mindedness. Her whisper passed unnoticed to everyone in the room but to Jane. " _Very early in my life it was too late_. A remarkable novel."

And oddly appropriate.

Jane didn't say anything back. She stared at the words that had been written on the wall with a black sharpie. And just at the foot of what could be seen as an inspiring quote lay the victim whom Maura now examined from every angle. Another crime scene, another investigation. Sometimes Jane thought that life was nothing but a vicious circle. She sighed before turning on her heels and walking towards the door to the backyard.

"Where are you going to?"

Maura hadn't looked at Jane once but she had felt her friend's presence in the room vanish little by little. Something was off, something that suddenly made her feel concerned. Jane shrugged.

"Dunno, outside. I need some fresh air."

There wasn't any fresh air. The night was hot and humid. Clothes stuck to moist skins and people waited for a potential storm impatiently. The atmosphere was electric. And dark. Gloomy. The AC had been cut in the house. It was a sauna inside.

Maura stood up. She gave her team a nod: the body was ready to be taken to the morgue. Her job was done here. She walked after Jane in the night. It was very out of character for Jane to feel the sudden urge to fly out of a crime scene. As a matter of fact, it had never happened since Maura had begun to work with her.

"Are you alright?"

The backyard looked like any backyard, with flowers on the right and an old table on the left. The lights had been turned on and a forensic team was still combing the area looking for clues. Jane had sat down on the stairs of the porch. With her eyes squinted, she seemed to be lost in mysterious thoughts.

"Yeah."

The brief answer didn't satisfy Maura the slightest bit. She glanced at the team that was at work a couple of feet away. She didn't want them to overhear the conversation she and Jane were going to have. It was none of their business.

"You sound tired. What do you do of your nights that you're lacking so much sleep?"

It was nothing but a provocation, a harmless one. And just as planned, it made Jane smile. She looked at Maura who had sat down next to her but she didn't say anything back immediately.

They had rules, rules that had been set implicitly and that they both respected with an implacable logic. Not alluding in public to what they did in private was one of them obviously. Thus Maura's remark was quite impish.

"Do you have a copy of that book? The one the quote's from: _The Lover_. I forgot the author's name, sorry."

Maura gave Jane a nod. She understood the reason why Jane had asked her such question. However, she wasn't sure that Jane reading the novel was a good idea. The similarities with their private, secret life may have an odd impact on Jane and it was the last thing Maura wanted.

"I can sum up the plot for you if you want to. Thus you won't lose time reading the whole novel. What do you think about it?"

Maura's heart began to beat faster. She had come up with a good argument but Jane's upcoming answer made her feel anxious. There were two Jane in her life: the one who worked for the BPD and the one who had sex with her at night. Both may have points in common, Maura still thought that the situation was quite close to _Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde_.

And it turned her on a lot.

"You said it was a remarkable novel so why don't you want me to read it? For once I'm okay with the idea..." Jane laughed lightly. "The title's rather explicit, I got it. You don't have to worry."

The quote that had been written on the wall was just as explicit. Of course, Jane hadn't missed the peculiarity of the situation but it didn't touch her as much as Maura thought it did.

"Autopsy at 9am tomorrow morning." Maura glanced at the forensic team anew. She lowered her voice. "Do you want to spend the night at my place?"

She could have sent Jane a text message once back in her car but the words had burnt her lips and she had felt the urge to say them out loud. The whisper had barely passed her lips anyway. Nobody but Jane was able to hear what she had just said.

Having sex after having worked on a crime scene brought an immense relief to a sore mind. It made Maura feel incredibly alive, and wanted. The surge of adrenalin found the perfect outlet in caresses and kisses before reaching its very own paroxysm in orgasms. Then she felt rested, at peace.

"I thought you said I sounded tired."

"Dr. Isles?"

The sudden interruption bothered Maura but she didn't let her frustration show. She turned her head around to look at the employee who had called her name.

"Yes, Frederick?"

"We need you to sign the forms..."

"Of course."

She stood up and cast a last glance at the backyard. It must have looked pretty in the fall, on a sunny day. She turned around and let her hand brush Jane's shoulder with discretion. Jane shivered under the touch.

Sometimes a gesture was worth a thousand words.


	2. Chapter One

**Author's Note : Thank you very much for all the reviews, it's a nice coincidence to learn that many of you have read The Lover.**

 **Chapter One**

Maura stared at the screen of her cell phone for long seconds. She finally put the device face down on the table and gave the man who was sitting at the table in front of her a bright smile. She had to focus on him.

"I apologize."

Her words were sincere but bitterness nonetheless showed in her voice. She bowed her head shamefully. Her attitude was terrible, extremely impolite.

"Oh, that's fine. Your job's very important, I get it. Don't be worried."

Except it had nothing to do with the morgue. There wasn't any corpse waiting for her on a metallic table. Nobody had to text her ab results. All Maura wanted was to receive a text message from Jane but her friend remained desperately silent. They hadn't argued though. Maura simply missed Jane even if she now was on a date.

She looked up and smiled at her date anew. The man was good-looking: forty-two years old, dark hair, green eyes. A killer smile. He was intelligent and Maura had many points in common with him. They had met at the public library a few days earlier and had immediately hit it off. The frenzy of novelty was already gone though. It had collapsed like a soufflé.

"This wine is excellent." Maura took a sip of wine to drown her quiet sorrow in alcohol. She didn't want to get drunk but the evening was going too slow for her taste. "Do you enjoy it?"

She wouldn't sleep with him. As a matter of fact, she would never see him again. She had no interest in trying anew. Her mind was somewhere else anyway. She would go back home alone and if loneliness ever passed underneath her skin then she would call Jane.

"Very much. I'm grateful you accepted this dinner in spite of your tight schedule. How's your case going?"

Maura didn't like talking about her job with people she barely knew but since the two of them had bonded over it, she felt obligated to answer him. They had to make conversation anyway or else the rest of the evening would be very awkward.

"The homicide unit is on it." She looked into his eyes but nothing happened. She didn't feel butterflies in her stomach. Her heart didn't begin to beat faster. He left her indifferent, completely indifferent. "I'm just here to help... As much as I can."

She had forgotten his name. Was it Daniel? Unless it was Matthew? Ashamed, she avoided the man's look before locking herself in a very uncomfortable silence.

There was a time when she enjoyed going on a date. It used to happen on a frequent basis. Sometimes she brought them home for the night knowing that none of this would become a serious relationship. She was fine with it. It was even what she really wanted. Sex for the pure pleasure of it.

But it had ceased to be appealing.

"I'm sure you're doing a great job. There's a reason why you're the chief medical examiner of Massachusetts."

Any woman would have found the smile Daniel gave Maura gorgeous. Any woman would have fallen for his dimples and for the deep green of his eyes. Any woman. Maura swallowed hard. Any woman but her. Not tonight.

...

"Good evening, Bass." Maura knelt down to pat the shell of the tortoise. "Did you miss me?"

The tortoise didn't move. Maura was sure that he was listening to her. Somehow. They didn't communicate the way humans did but they had their very own way to understand each other. As a matter of fact, they were a bit alike.

Maura's shell was simply a transparent one.

Just as planned, she hadn't invited Daniel over for a last drink. She had excused herself before driving back alone to her house in Beacon Hill. Jane hadn't sent her any text message. Her silence wasn't surprising as it was part of their rules. Maura accepted them. She simply missed the current possibility to talk to her friend.

What she had with Jane wasn't an affair, even less a relationship. A bottle of wine and the odd sentiment to not be alive enough had led them one night to a degree of intimacy they hadn't shared before. Yet what could have been a mere one-night stand had turned into something a lot more regular and that was how they had become friends with benefits.

They didn't talk about it. They didn't put words on what was happening. They kissed and caressed each other. They reached orgasms together. They had sex. Sometimes it was rough and sometimes it was sweet. There was no anger, no bitterness and no regret. No frustration whatsoever. Just pleasure in its purest form.

"I'm going to take a bath, sweetheart." The kiss Maura gave Bass resonated loudly in the quiet and empty house. "Good night."

It was late and she had to be at the morgue first thing in the morning. At least she would catch back on her sleep if Jane didn't show up. Maura stood up. She walked to the first floor before taking her stilettos off.

If they had been allowed to talk then she would have asked Jane a thousand questions: Had she ever slept with other women? Why was she always so quiet when she came? Was her behavior exactly the same when she happened to have sex with men?

They were both singles but dating people was not out of the question. On the contrary. Jane often pushed Maura to go on a date with a third party, and vice-versa. They didn't find any pleasure in it but it was still comforting.

Maura closed her eyes to enjoy better the heat of the water and the softness of the soap bubbles on her body. She liked taking baths in the evening. She find it to be relaxing.

There was no bath tub in Jane's apartment, just a small shower. The two of them fit in it but they often preferred to have sex in bed or in the living-room. Maura had a thing for the kitchen counter. Jane often liked the roughness of leaning against the wall.

"Jane..."

The memory of her date with Daniel had already faded away. Maura didn't even feel ashamed. It hadn't worked out, these things happened. At least she had tried. She had given him a chance. Nobody had a hold over chemistry.

Her cell phone vibrated.

She grabbed it in a rush and almost let it fall in the bath. What she hadn't felt with Daniel was finally happening now. Her heart was beating faster and a well-known warmth had invaded her lower stomach. She hadn't even read Jane's message yet but the first signs of her arousal were clear. She didn't hold anything back.

 _Are you alone?_

The question made Maura smile. She thought about Jane, about her apartment in Back Bay. Since it was quite late, her friend was probably already in bed with the television on. Maybe there was the rerun of a game on. Basketball, baseball. Any sport.

 _I am. Currently taking a bath._

Jane wouldn't ask her about the date. She would only do it the next morning if Maura didn't speak about it herself. It would be curiosity and nothing else. Just curiosity.

 _Where's your left hand?_

Their friendship wasn't purely sexual. Maura saw the sexual part as a bonus. They still had their moments that weren't driven by fantasies and desires but their bond was such that they could implicitly feel when the other wanted more than what a friendship is supposed to bring.

 _In the water, brushing my hip._

The boldness Jane often showed had surprised Maura at first. She hadn't imagined that her friend could lead sexual encounters. Maura liked thinking that it only happened when Jane was with her even if she hardly believed it in the end. Why would Jane act differently with others? It didn't make sense.

 _Caress your stomach with your hand, make it draw circles on it and count until ten. Then massage your breasts._

Jane wouldn't come to Maura's place. Not tonight. It was too late for her to drive till Beacon Hill. Maura didn't mind. The text messages were a good alternative to the game they usual played.

She followed Jane's instructions with the seriousness of a good student even if she could have skipped these foreplay. Her arousal had reached a high level without her even touching herself.

 _What's next?_

She didn't need to close her eyes to imagine that the caresses came from Jane, that it was her friend's hand and not hers that was now massaging her nipples. She briefly thought about Daniel but the guilt she could have felt never reached her.

 _Then spread your legs. Enjoy the heat of the water on your flesh, pretend it's my breath there._

Maura swallowed hard. She wasn't simply turned on anymore. She actually needed relief, and now. Jane's skills to get her aroused even from a distance were fascinating but her needs were a lot more primary for the moment.

 _I need more than just this._

The next seconds seemed to last forever. The wait over the text message oddly looked like the sweetest torture Maura had ever had to face.

 _Tease yourself. Brush your flesh. Are you panting yet?_


	3. Chapter Two

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages, remember to change your filters if you want to be sure to see this fic appear in your updates since it's M rated.**

 **Chapter Two**

The world had stopped turning as soon as Jane's dark eyes had fixed upon the reflection of two women in the large mirror of the restaurant. The two women were sitting at the table in Jane's back. They simply looked like two friends who were enjoying a talk during their lunch break for most people but Jane had noticed the ballet of gazes and the discreet gestures of the hands. They weren't friends but lovers and the scene was oddly hypnotizing.

Jane often wondered if she looked at Maura the way both women looked at each other now. She and Maura weren't lovers but friends with benefits. The difference between both notions was very thin but it nonetheless existed. They thought they were in control but perhaps they didn't fool anyone. Just like these two women. Perhaps many people had already guessed that they spent the night together several times a week.

"Have you ordered our coffees?"

Frost's shadow put an end to Jane's daydream. She watched how her colleague sat down, how his frame blocked her view of the two women.

"Yes. It shouldn't be long now. Do you think we have time to stop by this art school? Cavanaugh wants to meet us at 3pm."

The restaurant was of average quality but it still contrasted with Jane and Frost's habits. They often bought a sandwich that they then ate in the car while driving from one place to another but Jane had felt the desire to sit down for a while. Besides, it was heavily raining outside. A fog rose from the hot asphalt. It smelled of storms, of humid days of July.

Their investigation over the Marguerite Duras' crime was going too slow for Jane's taste. She found the situation to be frustrating. They lacked clues, and leads. Maura had finally accepted to lend her _The Lover_ but Jane felt confused when reading it.

"I suppose so... If we hurry up..."

Jave gave Frost a nod before folding her napkin. She was too focused on their case to even feel like talking about anything else. She had tried to joke about Maura's fail date but neither she nor Frost had showed eagerness to talk about it. An invisible pressure weighed on their shoulders: time was running against them.

She and Maura had briefly talked about the date. Jane had quickly understood that it hadn't worked out which made her feel glad. She was fine with Maura dating people just as Maura was fine with her doing the same thing but Jane had had a bad feeling about Daniel.

It wasn't jealousy but concern.

"I hope Dr. Isles got the lab results too. Did she send you a text message?"

Jane shook her head. Frost's question was fair but sadly her phone had remained quiet over the past two hours. Maura hadn't tried to reach her yet.

"She said it'll take a while."

"Of course, I understand."

Frost's reaction caused Jane to feel bad for him. She had implicitly urged him to be patient when she usually was the one who kept on rushing Maura to get lab results delivered. Jane didn't know why she had chosen a different kind of strategy, this time. It had simply felt right.

...

"You're tense."

The remark made Jane laugh quietly. She didn't mean to mock Maura but the nature of her friend's comment was anything but surprising considering she could barely turn her head.

"Really, Captain Obvious?"

The pressure of Maura's hands on Jane's shoulders stopped immediately. Regrets invaded Jane and showed in the way she bit her lower lip. Of course, Maura wouldn't get the sarcasm that lay behind her remark. She was a very literal person.

" _O Captain! My Captain! Our fearful trip is done_..." Maura's giggles rose quietly in the silence of the night. She was in a very good mood and it wasn't only caused by the latest release of oxytocin in her body after Jane had made her come. The nature of her happiness remained unknown but she didn't care. It was there, and she was ready to embrace it fully. " _The ship has weather'd every rack, the prize we sought is won_..."

Jane turned her head in spite of her sore muscles. She gave Maura a frown but the smirk that played on her lips betrayed an obvious amusement.

"Do you often quote Walt Whitman while sitting naked on a bed?"

"There's a first time for everything." Maura let herself fall down on the bed. Flat on her back. She stretched her arms above her head then yawned. "Are you enjoying _The Lover_?"

Jane didn't hide her sudden surge of lust. She observed Maura's body the way a painting expert observes a masterpiece. The tip of her tongue brushed her lips. Maura lay there naked offering her body to Jane's dark eyes. There wasn't an inch of skin hidden from her sight.

She didn't know what had become of her modesty. There was a time when she used to avoid looking at her partner's body even after they had made love. But it was different with Maura, everything was different. Jane didn't hide herself behind a curtain of lies. She assumed her desires and comfortably lay naked next to her friend without feeling the mere ounce of timidity.

"I was hoping it may bring me a hint to our case but... Nothing shows up from it. It's a mysterious quote..."

"It isn't what I'm asking." Maura rolled on her stomach in order to look at Jane better. "Do you like the story? How do you find the novel?"

Jane closed her eyes in anticipation. She knew what was going to happen next because it had already happened a thousand times. Maura's lips would soon brush her neck and her hands would caress her lower stomach. The gestures would be meaningful, quite explicit as well: Maura was ready to make love again.

And Jane was more than eager to comply.

"It's... Well written."

The answer was barely average but Jane was unable to focus on a chat about literature. Maura hadn't kissed her neck. She had straddled her instead and was now rubbing herself against Jane's body.

Slowly, with this typical sensuality that drove Jane crazy.

"And...?" Maura's breath slid on Jane's hard nipple before it disappearing under Maura's tongue. She moaned against Jane's aroused flesh. "That's all you have to say about it?"

Jane swallowed hard. She had a thing for Maura's foreplay. They were direct, rough and oddly sweet at the same time. It was a pure torture to be at the mercy of her lips and hands.

"Marguerite Duras really had an affair with someone who was twelve years older than her?" Jane couldn't care less about the author's life at this point but she obeyed Maura's implicit orders because she loved playing along. "I mean..."

The movement of Maura's pelvis gained in precision which caused Jane to hold her breath and freeze. She hadn't seen the change of pace come. Maura had taken her by surprise knowing how Jane loved this position.

They had begun to sleep together five months earlier and if there was one thing that Jane constantly kept in mind from this odd relationship then it had to be how feline Maura was. She wasn't just feminine. Her gestures were graceful, and fluid. Her authority was subtle, and tantalizing. Jane loved it.

"The novel is part autobiographical so..."

It was the first time they talked while having sex. Neither of them had asked for a new set of rules. The conversation felt natural. Jane even found in Maura's hoarse voice a new factor of arousal. Her friend had only lost herself in moans and sighs until now. Hearing her voice added something to an already very addictive situation.

Maura showed a self-control that often made Jane green with envy. Her arousal barely transpired in her voice. Her breath was calm even if she kept on matching the pace Jane's pelvis now dictated. Jane was the opposite. She couldn't keep on talking. The words wouldn't pass her throat. She needed to concentrate not only to enjoy the sensations but also to make it last longer. Maura's wetness against her own core made it hard for her to not abandon herself to her upcoming orgasm.

She tried to think about Marguerite Duras but Maura's teeth teasing her nipples swept away whatever was left of her determination to pretend she had the mere control over the situation.

"It's a self-quest... The desire to lead your life the way you want to live it."

Maura's whisper sounded like a caress. Her hot breath slid on Jane's ear before dying in the crook of her neck. Jane smiled. Maura's short analysis of the novel was correct. Sadly it didn't weigh much against the way Maura's breasts now brushed Jane's.

Jane filled her lungs with air. The palm of her hand brushed her friend's buttocks. She pressed on her lower's back to intensify the touch of their respective pelvis. She had had enough. She needed a release. She needed it now. Maura abdicated.


	4. Chapter Three

**Author's Note : Thank you very much for all the reviews, I know it's a slow start but I'm unable to write anything else than slow starts so I apologize.**

 **Chapter Three**

She was around 5'7. Long blond hair and a waist to die for. Even from a distance Maura was able to say that the woman was gorgeous. She had never seen her at the BPD before but her age and the self-confidence the stranger showed only pushed Maura to assume that she wasn't a rookie. She had an aura that imposed respect.

Maura frowned. She hadn't heard about a new superior being hired. These kind of news usually spread fast inside the BPD before echoing till her very own office.

Maura tightened her grip on the medical files she was holding. She pursed her lips and clenched her teeth as Jane burst out laughing. Whoever Jane's interlocutor was, she was a seductress and Maura hated that.

She had miserably hidden behind a plant as soon as she had spotted Jane at the end of the hall. Her friend was in full talk with the woman and looked charm by whatever she was told, which went on Maura's nerves.

Thankfully nobody had noticed her presence on the floor, behind this ridiculous plant. Maura would have died of shame if someone had called out her name and Jane would have realized that she had been spying on her. Yet Maura couldn't stay behind this plastic plant all day long either. No matter who the blonde was, she had to go talk to Jane about the lab results the homicide unit had asked for.

"Dopamine."

Jane and her mysterious acolyte jumped as Maura spoke out loud. Maura bit the inside of her cheek to hold back a victorious smile. Her tone was sharp and unfriendly but her sudden intrusion had had its little effect and she was proud of it. Neither Jane nor the blonde had heard her walk to them.

"Oh... Hey, Maura." Jane abandoned her casual pose and stood up straight instead. She took her hands out of the pockets of her pants. She then cleared her voice with a false casualness. "Maura, this is Leila. Leila, this is..."

"Dr. Maura Isles, chief medical examiner of the Commonwealth." Leila cut Jane mid-sentence to hold out her hand for a handshake. "Nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you."

Maura warmed up at Leila's soft tone. She didn't miss the gorgeous smile that the blonde gave her as well. She had been right: whoever Leila was, she was a seductress. A powerful one.

"Only good things, I hope." Maura shook Leila's hand. Politely. Reluctantly. She didn't have much of a choice anyway. Her position prevented her from being rude with someone because of a junior-high jealousy of some sort. "Do you work here?"

Jane chuckled.

"She's Martinez' new victim. Leila works for the drug unit. It's her first day at the BPD. She's from Chicago."

Maura couldn't care less but a BPD employee was a potential coworker so she had to remain polite nonetheless. She opened the medical file she was holding and pretended to leaf through it. Her subterfuge was ridiculous and slightly shameful but she hoped that Leila would get the message.

The blonde did. She excused herself almost immediately before going back to her unit.

"Dopamine was found in..."

"Jealous much?" Jane laughed quietly. It wasn't the first time Maura showed signs of jealousy. It was quite entertaining. "She's just a colleague."

Two officers walked past them. Maura focused on the pace of their steps as her hazel eyes fixed upon their calves. She waited for them to be far enough to say something back.

"And cute. Would you like to fuck her?"

Her phrasing was deliberately crude. She wanted to shock Jane or at least to provoke her. As a matter of fact, it was even the first time that Maura dared to imply that her friend may be into another woman. She had only teased her about men until now but Leila's beauty had forced her to speak out.

She didn't look up at Jane though. She remained focused on the medical file she was holding, waiting for a reply. With more or less patience.

She could see the words typed on the different sheet of paper but her anger was such that she was unable to read the mere sentence. She was probably not fooling Jane.

"What? Oh, c'mon." Jane heavily sighed but she seemed to be more amused than annoyed by Maura's childish reaction. "What kind of underwear are you wearing?"

Maura raised an eyebrow with a fake perplexity. Her jealousy had vanished the moment Leila had left. She enjoyed Jane's subtle teasing game now. Their whispers betrayed the sexual tension that Maura often felt between the two of them. The idea of being caught in the act of flirtation was arousing as well.

"This is not what I've asked you."

"Doesn't the fact I replied with such question make things clear enough? I don't care about Leila's underwear. I wanna know about yours."

The boldness Jane now showed actually took Maura aback. She had never seen her friend so keen, even less at her workplace. They had had sex in Maura's office before but the BPD was almost a no-go zone for their little games.

Maura swallowed hard. Perhaps Jane was just in a good mood.

Maura stared at the word 'dopamine' printed in black characters on the white page. She pounded her friend's remark for long seconds. It was her own way of torturing Jane, of making her wait and wait for the object of her sudden desire.

"Who said that I was wearing underwear in the first place?"

Her question wasn't completely improbable. It was another hot day in Boston and everyone was suffocating. The AC wasn't even enough anymore. It was sweltering hot at the BPD.

"That's one way to tease me."

Jane went to grab the medical file but her fingertips brushed the back of Maura's hand discreetly instead before she got a full grip on the different papers. The subtle contact sent a shiver down Maura's spine. Jane's fingers brushing her hand was anything but accidental.

"I am not..."

The sentence Maura wanted to say never hit the air. The words got trapped in her throat the moment Jane molded her body against Maura's back with this typical safe innocence she always showed when she flirting with Maura in public.

Jane glanced at their surroundings before letting her hand slide along Maura's hip, from her waist to her inner thigh. A smirk played on her lips as soon as she felt the hem of hipsters under her fingertips.

"I thought you couldn't lie."

"I didn't lie. I replied to you with a question, not with an affirmation."

Jane's fingers ventured further down. It barely lasted a few seconds but the light touch with Maura's pelvis got its expected effect on Maura who gasped, surprised. Jane leaned over to murmur in her friend's ear.

"You're right."

...

"Where's Maura?"

Jane rolled her eyes. She set her bottle of water down between her legs.

"Maura's living her life. She can't be with us all the time, ma'." Jane looked at the potato salad her mother had prepared. "Besides, I thought it was one of these daughter/mother evenings you harrass me with all the time so why would Maura even be here?"

"Because she loves coming to the Charles River with us for a picnic."

Touché. However, Jane could hardly let her mother know that Maura would make sure to be back home on time for one of their sessions that would happen later in the night.

"Can't she go out,on her own, like normal people do?"

"Maura isn't like normal people. She never go out on Monday. Have the two of you argued, Janie? That would explain the odd behavior Maura had the other day."

Jane's heart skipped a beat. Her blood turned icy in her veins.

She cowardly glanced at her mother but not a single word passed her lips. She and Maura enjoyed their secret relationship. Nobody would understand nor approve of it anyway. Friends with benefits sounded perfect in a Hollywood romantic comedy but life was sharper and it was the kind of relationship people frowned upon. Besides, Jane found it to be perfect the way it was, and exciting. She and Maura did whatever they wanted to do without feeling the pressure that society put on people's shoulders.

She observed the river for a couple of seconds before talking anew.

"What do you mean?"

Her casual tone didn't hide her sudden fear. Jane swallowed hard. What if one day someone walked in on them? They were careful but Jane knew that it could happen.

"Oh... Maybe it's nothing. I mean, if you didn't argue then I..."

"Ma'!"

"Alright, alright." Angela put her fork down in her plate. "Maura fell asleep on the couch the other day and she started mumbling your name. She was... Agitated. I still can't say whether it was a nightmare or a good dream."

Jane looked down at her plate. She was glad to not have tied up her hair in a ponytail because her dark curls now hid the bright pink shade of her cheeks. A sentiment of well-being invaded her but it soon melted into a confusing bitterness. She felt ridiculously proud and stuck in a dead-end path at the same time.

Maura had had a dream about her. It boosted her self-confidence. Sadly she couldn't share her emotions with anyone.

She grabbed her bottle of water with a shaking hand and took a sip of it. She couldn't have it all anyway. Being intimate with Maura was one thing, and being able to express a couple of untold and blurry feelings was another one. It was okay. Jane would do just fine. It was how life worked. Everything couldn't be awesome all the time.


	5. Chapter Four

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages (I'll reply to the PMs on Sunday).**

 **Chapter Four**

What Jane remembered the most from that night was the loneliness she and Maura had felt. Yet what could have been seen as terribly pessimistic had become the symbol of an odd yet comforting serenity. They had fed themselves of this loneliness to rise with a relentless strength. Together. From the shadows of their hearts had appeared what they now saw as an evidence: they were made for each other, on many different levels.

A bad day. Jane remembered that night of March as a bad day for her and Maura. She had had to accept the fact that she and Frost hadn't managed to solve a crime whereas Maura had had to face potential budget cuts. It hadn't rained nor had it been sunny. Random clouds had simply weighed over Boston until the night had swept them away to embrace the city of its complex darkness.

Jane had invited Maura over for dinner in order to forget her failure, and because the usual loneliness she managed to bear weighed too much on her soul suddenly. Maura had bought a bottle of wine. They had drunk.

It had happened rather suddenly. As they were sitting on the floor, by the couch. They hadn't flirted. They had emptied a few glasses of wine, they had looked into each other's eyes and their fatigue smiles had vanished in an unexpected kiss. It had happened five months earlier but Jane still felt butterflies in her stomach when she thought about it.

She had kissed other women in the past but the sensations of that night of March were different, a lot more intense. She had tried to explain the strong reaction of her body: the sudden closeness to her best friend, and the sentiment of doing something prohibited. These were fair reasons to her excitement except this excitement still had to cease.

Maura had let her do. She had let Jane sit on her lap, she had let her pass her hands underneath her shirt. She had let her friend undress her.

They had headed to bed at an incredibly slow pace that contrasted sharply with the frenzy of their sighs and caresses. Bumping into pieces of furniture, brushing the wall. Neither of them had talked. As a matter of fact, they hadn't looked into each other's eyes again until Maura's orgasm had hit her powerfully and Jane had stopped moving her fingers to let her friend enjoy even more the sensation of her inner muscles tightening around them.

Then everything had started.

Jane walked to one of the windows of her apartment. She was supposed to work on the Marguerite Duras case as she liked calling it but the only thing she could focus on was Maura's smell and how her back arched whenever the tip of Jane's tongue drew circles in the crook of her neck.

Maura wasn't available tonight. She had warned Jane. Besides, they had slept together three times already this week. They couldn't do it every day. It wasn't how it was supposed to work.

"Jo, do you want..."

Jane didn't finish her sentence as she spotted Jo Friday on the couch. The dog was sleeping peacefully, she didn't want to go out for a walk obviously.

The desire to see Maura yet knowing that it was impossible looked close to withdrawal symptoms. It happened quite often too. Most of the times, Jane simply tried to relieve her sexual frustration through masturbation but it never seemed to be enough nor even satisfying. She needed Maura like a junkie needed a fix.

...

"I'm sorry I didn't have time to cook anything. I've stopped by an excellent caterer though, I hope you won't mind."

Maura had swallowed back her frustration before embracing the role of the hostess with perfection. Years of experience in the Bostonian socialite sphere helped a lot under these circumstances. Thankfully her work schedule played in her favor as she wasn't on a night shift. Thus she could easily welcome Lucy at her place and both women would catch back on time.

"What? Oh, please! You don't have to apologize." Lucy walked to the kitchen counter to help Maura with dinner. "Actually, I should be the one apologizing because it's a last-minute request. A desperate one!"

It had been at least fifteen years but Maura still found Lucy's smile just as radiant as the day both women had met for the first time.

Lucy's visit was unexpected but the accidental timing was actually perfect. Maura was glad to have someone home, someone who didn't spend the night with her in bed just to leave in the first hours of the morning to make sure that nobody would know about anything. The situation may be frustrating after a while though because if Maura now had company, her freedom had been reduced to an absolute nothing.

She would need tricks to let Lucy home while she would go see Jane. Unless it was a sign and she had to understand that perhaps she and Jane had to slow down a bit.

The evolution of their relationship made her feel dizzy. When it all had started in March, they barely met once every two weeks. Now Maura needed to feel Jane's body against her every day or so. If they didn't have one of their sessions at least every day or so then she felt off, and empty.

"If I come back late at night during your stay here... Ahem... Don't be worried." Maura swallowed hard but the lump of defeat hurt in her throat. She didn't want to take Lucy's presence as a sign. She wasn't ready for it. "I mean..."

"Have you met someone?"

Lucy widened her big blue eyes and looked at Maura, very amused. The archeologist was full of life. A sunny aura made her traits shine all the time. There wasn't a single person who didn't succumb to her charms.

"Oh, no! That's not what I mean. I simply have a job with high responsibilities and I follow a rather unusual schedule."

The smile that played on Maura's lips didn't reach her eyes even if what she had just said wasn't a lie. She was busy, she didn't follow a 9-to-5 schedule. But deep inside, it was Jane whom she was thinking about.

"By the way... Since I'm here for a while, I hope I'll meet the infamous Jane this time."

Of course, Lucy knew about Jane. Maura's mother had probably told her about her. After all, Lucy was a friend of the Isles since she and Maura had bonded in college.

"Oh... This is a possibility, indeed."

Sometimes fate seemed to take Maura's life in the wrong direction, just like now. Lucy was the perfect excuse to distance herself with something she didn't completely understand but Jane had been mentioned within a couple of minutes. Sweet, tantalizing curse Maura didn't know how to handle.

"Your mother said she was your type. Is it true?"

Maura laughed. She had never heard a question that could be more rhetorical. Jane simply had to glance at her to make her feel aroused. Jane was the one who made her come roughly against a wall because she hadn't been able to hold it till they reached the nearest bed. Jane was the one who haunted her mind night and day.

Thinking about her was actually enough for Maura to start panting.

Maura swallowed hard and bowed her head. She didn't know what had really happened but that night of March had been a poisonous blessing of some sort.

"Jane is athletic. Tall, dark-haired... Olive skin. She's also incredibly stubborn but very sweet. She's..." Maura paused as she realized how enthusiastic her tone was. "We aren't friends but soul mates."

And lovers.

"You've changed."

The remark took Maura aback. She had expected something related to what she had just said. Lucy had chosen a more mysterious way in order to express whatever she felt.

"In a good way, I hope."

Both women burst out laughing. Their laughter rose in the kitchen. It passed by the open windows and reached the street where someone froze suddenly.

Jane hadn't been able to resist the urge that kept on growing within herself. She had driven all the way to Beacon Hill to kiss Maura's flesh until her friend would shiver uncontrollably. Jane had simply not imagined that Maura wouldn't be home alone. Worse, that she would invite a woman over for dinner.

Even for more, maybe.

Jane froze as she heard feminine laughter rose on the other side of the thin window. She swallowed hard then bowed her head as shame invaded her. She shouldn't have come to Beacon Hill. She shouldn't have abdicated to her selfish desire to have sex with someone when this person had told her that she wasn't available tonight.

She shouldn't have broken the rules, their rules.

Her eyes fixed upon the beige curtains of Maura's living-room. The soft breeze of the evening made them dance in the night. Jane quietly thanked them for hiding her from Maura's sight.

Long seconds passed by before Jane managed to react. She slowly turned around and began to walk back towards her car. The pace of her heartbeats had changed and her mouth was dry. Her hands were shaking. A multitude of words were bumping into each other in her head which made her feel dizzy.

Nobody was supposed to cry for a sex friend yet when Jane looked at her reflection in the rearview mirror, she only saw the transparent curtain of tears in her eyes. And it was wrong, wrong and frustrating. She hated it.


	6. Chapter Five

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews, messages and suggestions (I'll do my best to insert your suggestions, one way or another).**

 **Chapter Five**

Maura zipped up her skirt quietly. Her legs were still shaking slightly and her core was hot. Her body would need some time for the post-effects of her orgasm to vanish in a knowing silence. She glanced at Jane who was still dealing with the buttons of her jeans. Her hands were shaking as well.

"Are you thirsty?"

The double-entendre of the question caused Maura to blush. She hadn't done it on purpose. Jane didn't chuckle though. She simply gave her friend a nod. Maura grabbed two small bottles of water out of a mini-fridge. She held one out to her friend and took a long sip of hers. She wouldn't open the shutters of her office until late in the afternoon, way after Jane would have gone back upstairs to her own floor.

Maura didn't want her employees to see in it the signs of any kind of sexual activity, even if it was exactly what had happened. She liked the idea of being discreet and bold at the same time.

Luckily it matched Jane's fantasies.

Her eyes fixed upon her desk, the exact spot where Jane had just made her come. They had had sex everywhere in this room already and more times than Maura could even remember. Yet at the beginning it only happened in the evening. Now their sexual release could occur in the afternoon or even in the morning.

They didn't care if they weren't alone on the floor. They weren't afraid of it. As a matter of fact, they found the situation to be arousing.

"So Lucy's her name..."

Jane's tone of voice sounded too casual to be true. Maura couldn't understand since she didn't know that Jane had driven to her place the evening before only to walk in on her with Lucy but this woman had piqued up Jane's curiosity. They had even begun to talk about Lucy before abandoning themselves to the tantalizing effects of sensual caresses.

"Lucy McAllister."

Maura felt uncomfortable because she was afraid of Lucy's reaction. Lucy would make a remark, something that most of people would see as innocent but Maura was certain that she would feel like dying at the scene. Lucy was discerning: she would guess that Maura slept with Jane in no time.

"And she's...?" Jane squinted her eyes. She was just as uncomfortable as Maura was but for different reasons. The thought they were still panting on the desk five minutes before was unbelievable. The pace of their dynamic had changed rather suddenly. "You've never mentioned her before."

"Lucy and I bonded in college, she's an archeologist. We attended a few classes together but our respective parents were friends way before all this. We've kept in touch. She's presently in Boston for an international conference and since she forgot to book a room, I welcomed her home."

Maura almost added that she and Lucy had never slept together but she was afraid of Jane's reaction if she did. There would be vain justifications, mumbles and apologies that shouldn't even be said out loud.

"And she wants to meet me. Like, really?"

Maura made sure to keep a reasonable distance with Jane because she couldn't afford to have sex again. Not now. She had files to revise and research to do. Yet the beats of her heart and the wetness between her legs betrayed her current desire for Jane. She hadn't had enough. Not just yet.

"My mother told her about you and since she's in Boston..." Maura shrugged. She didn't know why she hadn't let Jane know about Lucy's visit earlier, why she had kept it for herself. When Jane had asked her whether she wanted to spend the night over, Maura had simply told her friend that she couldn't because she had other plans. She hadn't mentioned Lucy. "She's nice."

"Is she some kind of Indiana Jones? Have you... I thought you didn't have friends before."

Jane's fingers brushed the edge of the desk. The inconscient gesture still made Maura swallow hard. She wished her friend's hand had been caressing her inner thigh instead. Touching a cold piece of furniture was a waste of time and opportunities.

"I started socializing a lot more in college. This is when..." The tip of Maura's tongue drew an invisible line on her lips. She looked at Jane in the eyes before taking a deep breath. "This is when I understood who I am."

The coming out in disguise didn't pass unnoticed to Jane but her discomfort became such that she didn't say anything back. She vaguely gave Maura a nod then checked her cell phone. Nobody had called her nor had sent her a text message. Nobody required her presence anywhere.

Nobody but Maura.

"Fine. Then I'll be there tonight. 7.30pm."

...

Maura glanced at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. The dress she had chosen was not what she would call a subtle one. The lowcut was daring and even the knee-length looked outrageous. If she wanted to be crude then she would say that this dress literally yelled "fuck me now" but these were words that she only whispered into Jane's ear whenever her arousal drove her on the edge.

Lucy had just come back home and she was very happy to learn that she would finally meet Jane. Her cheerful tone of voice didn't reassure Maura whose heartbeats were so loud that she could barely listen to the CD of Yo-Yo Ma that was playing in the background.

Flirting with Jane during a dinner had almost become a ritual and if it weren't for Lucy's upcoming reactions then Maura would have probably played a lustful game of hide-and-seek with Jane. But she was nervous as a wreck for the moment. Way too far from a toe going up Jane's calf or fingertips brushing Jane's inner thigh.

"Oh boy, you're gorgeous. I didn't know we had to dress up... Do you want me to go and change?"

Maura shook her head. Lucy's remark was fair though and it made her feel ridiculous now. She was over-dressed. It wasn't appropriate.

"Oh no, don't be worried. You are perfect the way you are."

The polite remark got its effect as Lucy gave Maura a smile before going downstairs to prepare dinner. She had insisted on cooking and, truth to be told, Maura had felt relieved about it. She would have never been able to focus on a recipe.

"I can't believe you're single. How come you haven't met anyone yet? Look at you: you're glowing. As a matter of fact, you've never looked so... I don't know. You're blossoming!"

The pout Maura made clearly betrayed the fact that she didn't share Lucy's opinion. She had felt tired lately and her near dependence to Jane worried her. Yet these sessions were also the reason why she smiled in the morning, why her heart beat faster whenever she looked into her friend's dark eyes. She wasn't in denial, she simply thought that Lucy's reaction was exaggerated.

"How about you? You're single too."

"It's different with me. I go from one archeological site to another... I barely spend like a month at home per year... I meet people, I do. But I don't have time to develop any kind of relationship. It's a miracle if I ever get offered a one-night stand, actually."

There was a time when Maura would have slept with Lucy. She found the woman to be very appealing. But whatever she may have felt for her had turned into something a lot more platonic. She was realizing it now. The crush she had had once was now gone.

"I may not travel from one continent to another within a couple of weeks but I do spend some time on what one could call an archeological site too... If it includes bones, that is. The mere fact of telling people I am a medical examiner is enough to make them run away without even saying goodbye."

"Then how about a sex friend? I'm sure you have one."

Lucy giggled and Maura froze. She tightened her grip on the glass of wine she was holding and swallowed hard. Of course, Lucy couldn't guess.

She couldn't guess that, if Maura had been alone right now, then she would send Jane a text message. Perhaps they would have chatted for a while before deciding to put an end to their distant foreplay. Jane would have arrived and Maura would have pushed her against the first wall at reach to pass a hand under the hem of her boxers while her tongue would draw little circles on her jaw.

Then they would have moved to bed, or simply to another room.

"I don't have a lot of friends."

The whispered remark made Lucy laugh. Maura's remark was full of bitterness but the archeologist was in a good mood, too good to abdicate to this typical melancholy that often defined Maura. She looked up at her friend then winked almost mischievously.

"You don't, indeed. However, you have a lot of sex appeal. If you really wanted to get someone, for an hour or for the rest of your life, then it wouldn't be an issue at all. You're mysterious. It's exciting."

The ringing of Maura's cell phone put an abrupt end to the odd yet true conversation that she and Lucy were having. She grabbed the device and opened the text message that Jane had sent her.

Jane was on her way. She had bought wine.


	7. Chapter Six

**Author's Note : Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages, I'm really happy to see that you're enjoying this story so far.**

 **Chapter Six**

The evening had been perfect until Maura had suggested Jane to spend the night over because she had drunk too much to drive back to her place. Besides, Jane had showed up with Jo Friday. Thus she didn't have a reason to head back to her apartment straight away. Lucy hadn't made any remark but Maura had noticed the smile that had played on her friend's lips. A smirk that didn't fool anyone.

Maura had been very careful during the dinner. She had made sure to choose her words with an impeccable wisdom in order to avoid any double-entendre. Even offering Jane to spend the night at the Beacon Hill townhouse had been deprived of any meaning. They often stayed together after a meal. As a matter of fact, it was something that they had always done, way before that night of March that had changed everything.

"She's nice." Jane walked out of the ensuite bathroom and headed towards the master bed. The night was hot and Maura had refused to turn the AC on, much to Jane's despair. She wouldn't sleep well. Even less next to Maura whose presence was usually enough to arouse Jane more than needed. "But I don't want her to take me to the jungle."

Jane was a city girl. She was born and raised in Boston. Her definition of nature had very little to do with what Lucy had to face on a frequent basis. She wasn't made for trees that were so high that you couldn't see the sky anymore. She hated bugs and coming across some exotic snake was not on her bucket list either.

Maura had settled in bed almost twenty minutes earlier. She had waited for Jane to get out of the bathroom with a mix of nervousness and hope that she couldn't explain. Lucy had gone to bed too. The house was now quiet.

"You don't know what you're missing. It's an incredible experience to spend a few days in the jungle... Even if the nights are anything but quiet. It often takes people aback. The jungle is loud at night. Very loud."

Jane nodded but she had already lost focus as she had noticed the pale inch of skin that appeared between Maura's silky top and her panties. She had kissed it more times than she could remember. She knew what Maura's skin tasted like, how hot it was under her hands. And smooth, very smooth.

"How do you do this? How do you manage to go from a five-star palace to a night in the jungle? You're one kind of specie, Maura Isles."

Maura's adaptation to her environment had always surprised Jane. It didn't make her green with envy but it piqued her curiosity enough for her to wonder how her friend did it. Maura never complained. She accepted what she was given before getting the best out of it. She was a happy-go-lucky woman.

The exact opposite to Jane.

"I simply don't take silky negligees with me. You know, the kind that you keep on staring at as if you were hunting your next prey."

They were both in bed for at least ten minutes now and nothing had happened yet. They had talked but they hadn't kissed nor had they tried to undress each other yet. Jane couldn't remember when it had happened for the last time. They always went at it whenever they were alone in a room. Even more in a bed.

Yet neither of them felt the urge to do anything now.

"One more reason for me to never go to the jungle with you." Jane rolled on her side. She slid a leg between Maura's and rested a hand on her friend's stomach. She let the pace of Maura's breathing rock her for a while. "I like these silky tops."

As a matter of fact, she liked everything about Maura; from her tops to the way Maura bit her lower lip when she reached her climax. A warmth then spread throughout Jane's body and it made her feel incredibly serene.

They had made love in Maura's office earlier in the day but this wasn't enough of a reason for them to not have sex again tonight. Yet for a reason that neither of them could really explain, their sexual arousal didn't push them towards each other now. The moment was oddly sweet and the atmosphere was different. It was even relaxing.

Maura's smile vanished against Jane's lips as she leaned over to kiss her friend. The touch was soft, and delicate. It wasn't carried by any eagerness. She slid a hand on Jane's neck before the tip of her tongue brushed Jane's.

They kept on kissing for a while. Slowly. Quietly. And once they were done, they drifted off to sleep.

...

Jane stopped running as she reached a bench that was available. It was early in the morning but many Bostonians were already out strolling along the Charles River. The temperatures were still cool enough to be bearable. Within two hours, everyone would be hiding from the sun of July.

She stretched her arms above her head before stretching her legs. She had woken up very early. In Maura's arms. The fact they were still fully clothed had made her panic so she had got up to go for a run.

The irony of the situation hit her like a ton of bricks. She shouldn't have dreaded waking up in bed with her clothes on. The opposite could be a source of stress, but not wearing a shirt and a pair of boxers.

The scene was too close to something that wasn't supposed to happen. She and Maura were sex friends, not romantic partners. There was a big difference between both contexts and at no moment were they supposed to go from having encounters with each other to developing a romance of some sort.

She had hoped that running would relieve the weight that pressed on her shoulders but even after a thirty-minute run, she still felt awkward about what had happened in the morning. Or better said, about what had not happened.

They weren't tired the night before. They could have had sex. It was the scheme she and Maura followed since March and it was great. It was what they both wanted.

"Fuck it."

Jane resumed her running. She wouldn't stop until her anxiety became a blurry memory. She had the day off but wished nothing but to go to work. At least working on her case would prevent her from thinking about things that she refused to see.

She only stopped running once she reached the cafe where she often ordered a drink when she walked by the Charles River. She opened the door and walked inside.

"Good morning, Detective Rizzoli. How are you, today?"

Jane gave Louise a smile. The barista didn't even need to ask Jane the kind of drink she wanted. On a hot day, Jane always chose a frappe and Louise knew it.

"Great, thank you. How are you?

Jane observed the young barista and realized that she looked like the Marguerite Duras victim. Both women had the same traits, the same thin lips. Jane swallowed hard as an icy shiver ran down her spine in spite of the hot temperatures. Her lips began to tremble and she looked down immediately.

Louise didn't notice anything.

"Not bad... Hey, listen..." Louise took a deep breath. She looked at Jane with a very poor self-confidence. "I have tickets for Boston Rock Festival. Would you... Ahem... Would you like to go with me?"

A surge of adrenaline rushed through Jane's veins. She had always wanted to go to this festival but she had never been able to attend it. She paid for her drink and grabbed her frappe. She was too busy at work. As much as she needed some time off, she was working on a case and she simply couldn't afford to have a break.

Many officers and detectives managed to balance their professional and private lives. Jane didn't. A sentiment of betrayal towards the victims and their families passed underneath her skin if she ever dared to have fun while trying to solve a case. It wouldn't work.

"I'm pretty busy. I'd love it but... I've got work to do. Plenty of work. Maybe next time!"

Louise didn't seem to take Jane's answer badly. She politely nodded before giving Jane a bright smile. Other customers were waiting for their turn. She glanced at them then she shrugged at Jane.

"If you ever change your mind..."

Jane walked out of the cafe. She had wanted to take Maura to Boston Rock Festival for years just to see her friend among a crowd of people who barely knew who Yo-Yo Ma was.

And then it hit her.

Louise had just asked her out. Jane swallowed hard. It hadn't even crossed her mind until now. Too focused on what had happened in Maura's bedroom earlier in the morning, she had missed out the way Louise had asked her on a date.

"What..."

Confused, Jane began to walk her way back to the Charles River. Nobody had asked her out for such a long time that she had forgotten how it worked. Even more with a woman. Maura was the only one who had caught her attention for more than twenty-minutes. The others had been blurry crushes, fantasies that had never really come true.

Louise was a first. A very confusing one.


	8. Chapter Seven

**Author's Note : Thank you very much for all the reviews, I'm always glad to read them and to reply to you.**

 **Chapter Seven**

 _"Louise chatted me up."_

Maura hadn't needed any further explanation. Jane's words had passed underneath her skin before rushing to her heart where they had set off a storm of feelings. The whirl had reached her lower stomach and anger had risen there within a minute. She had pushed Jane against the brick wall of the fire escape of Jane's Back Bay apartment before unzipping the jeans short to slide a hand between Jane's legs.

Perhaps Maura would have been more discreet if Jane hadn't bought large plants that hid them from the neighbors. She would have chosen any spot inside the apartment instead. But the curtain of green and the soft breeze of the evening made this spot against the wall perfect.

Jane didn't complain. On the contrary. Her short breath highlighted her obvious arousal.

They had dropped the grocery bags on the kitchen counter before going to take a drink outside on the fire escape. That was when Jane had told Maura about Louise. Maura knew the bartender, she even found her to be rather pretty which only made it worse. Now their bottles of beer lay on the ground while Maura's fingers directed a tantalizing ballet between Jane's legs.

Her flesh was hot and her inner muscles already tightened around Maura's fingers. Neither of them managed to hold it for very long when they chose roughness over sweetness. They didn't need foreplay: Maura pushing Jane against the wall before penetrating her was enough to turn Jane on.

Maura's tongue traced an invisible path on her friend's neck. She hadn't even kissed Jane on the lips once. She had gone for her jaw instead, and then her neck. Her free hand was holding Jane's hip tightly against her waist.

Jane's back arched but Maura didn't slow down her pace. It had started raining rather heavily but the water drops were hot against her nape and sliding down between her breasts. The feather touch kept on making her swallow hard because she imagined it wasn't the rain but Jane who brushed her skin right now.

A summer storm. It smelled of grass and of warm asphalt. The night had fallen over the city and Jane's sighs embraced the silence of the area. They echoed the sound of the rain with sensuality. She never moaned when they had sex outside of a room. She remained oddly quiet until Maura made her come, sometimes twice.

It wasn't make-up sex because they hadn't argued. Yet Maura knew that her intentions weren't driven by any sexual release. The meaning of her roughness lay deeper within herself. It was a mix of anger, fear and bitterness. A singular combination that turned her on even more, unless her excitement was simply caused by the way Jane kept on arching her back and pulled Maura closer and closer to her body as if she wanted her friend to pass underneath her skin.

"Don't try to resist me. Not now."

Maura's hoarse voice was low and her breath just as short as Jane's. She had always enjoyed giving pleasure to her sexual partner but it reached another level with Jane. She was almost on the verge of reaching her climax herself while nobody had touched her. Jane had just sunk a hand in her hair to pull her closer to her neck.

A subtle touch with Jane's sensitive bone caused Maura to understand that her friend had reached a point of no-return. She didn't make her wait any longer. She wasn't in the mood for any kind of teasing. She just wanted powerful feelings, mind-blowing orgasms. Rough, bare ones.

She sped up the pace of her ministrations inside of Jane and let a smile of victory play on her lips as she felt her friend's orgasm embrace her two fingers.

...

They had had sex for the last three hours but Maura still had to feel satisfied. Her body kept on asking for more. More kisses, more caresses. More orgasms. She and Jane had probably broken a personal record but it wasn't enough.

She walked inside her house. The living-room was plunged in the dark. Lucy had told her that she woud spend the evening out with a few colleagues. Of course, Maura had tried to remain calm but the storm of joy that had burst in her heart had made it hard. Lucy's absence was the perfect excuse for her to spend the evening with Jane.

And it was what had happened.

She didn't turn the lights on. She headed to the kitchen instead to check if Bass had eaten all his exotic leaves. She didn't talk to him though. She couldn't. The anger she had felt a few hours earlier still had to vanish and she didn't want to sound sharp to her African tortoise. The last thing she wanted was Bass to suffer from her very own stupid mood.

Leila, and now Louise. Maura pursed her lips. She wasn't a very sarcastic person but she felt the urge to assume that Jane attracted women whose name started with an "L". Perhaps she had to make sure that Lucy would keep her distance from her friend.

A sentiment of shame had invaded her on her way back home. The way she had used Jane, the way she had released her anger on her was not fair. Jane hadn't taken it badly and she had even enjoyed it but Maura knew that things weren't supposed to work this way. A relationship based on anger and jealousy was unhealthy, even one that was driven by sex only.

"Whatever."

Maura took her stilettos off and went to her bathroom. She needed to have a shower. The torrential rain that had slid on her skin while she had made Jane come had dried in a way that made her clothes stick to her body. The sensation was not pleasant at all.

She quickly undressed before stepping into the shower.

Her gestures became rather mechanical. She washed her body with a large amount of soap before her hair to disappear under a layer of organic shampoo. Then once water washed it all away, Maura leaned against the wall and slid a hand between her legs.

Jane had made her come several times within the last three hours, in many different ways, but the frustration Maura felt pushed her to do it once again. All by herself.

She hadn't had sex with Jane. She had fucked her. She had shamefully marked her territory because a wave of jealousy had made her heart beat faster. She may have no hold over her reaction, it was still immensely stupid and childish because Jane didn't belong to anyone and because their rules were clear.

They were allowed to date a third party. Whatever they had was not exclusive. It was just fun, stupid and meaningless fun.

Her finger brushed her flesh before heading straight for release. She needed it just as roughly as Jane had delivered it earlier. Except this time, an extreme loneliness wrapped up Maura as her body began to react under her touch. A lump formed in her throat and she swallowed back unexpected tears. The moment was strange, almost surrealist. Maura had always associated sex to pleasure yet all of a sudden it was linked to a burning wound that she couldn't explain.

She didn't stop though. She could feel her arousal build in spite of the tears that were now running down her cheeks. Her sobs drowned under the shower water drops and were swept away by her stifled moans. She arched her back and spread her legs slightly. She didn't even need to close her eyes to imagine Jane going down on her. The fantasy was easy, too easy.

Her orgasm hit her without any warning. She didn't feel it build in her lower stomach nor did she notice how fast her heartbeats were. She gasped for air and widened her eyes under the hot water of the shower that fell on her body like a cascade.

She stepped out of the bathroom ten minutes later. Her body was working but her brain had shut down. She felt shocked, and immensely tired. She had spent the last five minutes sitting down in her shower trying to understand what had just hit her.

She went straight to bed before grabbing her cell phone.

 _You never finished your beer._

 _J._

The grin that played on Maura's lips made her feel guilty. She had hoped for a text message from Jane in spite of the oddness of the situation, in spite of her delicate feelings. She sat up in bed and ran her tongue over lips while she stared at the screen of her device.

 _I don't care about the beer. The only thing I'm craving is your body._

 _M._

Maura refused to see their sessions as a dependency. She kept on telling herself that she could put an end to it at any moment and that it wouldn't change anything. She and Jane would do just fine because there were no feelings involved. Because it wasn't a relationship.

But the more she repeated the sentence in her head, the less this mantra of some sort made sense. She didn't believe it anymore as much as she wanted to. As a matter of fact, she saw it as a lie, a beautiful and comforting lie. Except lies had their limits and she was brushing them dangerously.

Jane hadn't even showed any interest in Louise. She had simply told Maura that the barista had asked her out on a date. The tone Jane had used had been light, and amused. Yet it didn't have any effect on Maura's jealousy. She didn't manage to reassure herself.

Everything looked way too fragile.


	9. Chapter Eight

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages, I'm really touched by them.**

 **Chapter Eight**

"Do you remember Mateo Gonzelli?"

Jane looked up from her sandwich. She gave her mother a nod that lacked enthusiasm. She only had thirty minutes for lunch and she didn't want to waste these precious minutes talking about an ex-classmate she hadn't seen since her high school graduation. Yet it was typical from Angela. She had probably called one of her so-called friends who then had made sure that she would know every single gossip of their old neighborhood. Mateo had probably either got married or had got some promotion at work. Though Jane didn't know what kind of job her ex-classmate had. She hadn't seen him during her last high-school reunion.

"Yeah. Everyone called him Fatty Gonzelli. Why?"

Jane had also suffered from nasty nicknames but thankfully not until her high-school graduation. Mateo was a shy and sweet kid. The perfect prey for bullies. She had never mocked him but they hadn't become friends either. As a matter of fact, she wasn't sure that they had ever talked to each other at all even if they lived on the same street.

Two of Maura's employees walked in the Division One Cafe. Jane observed them in silence while her mother resumed her talking. Jane hadn't stopped by the morgue, this morning. She and Maura had barely talked at all. Nothing had happened, they had simply been busy. Yet it made Jane feel ridiculously proud, and even a bit relieved. She knew that things were taking a complicated turn with Maura. They were losing control of the situation. Thus the silence of the morning proved her that she could spend a few hours without her friend. They weren't addicted to each other. The situation wasn't as bad as what Jane thought.

Being friends with benefits was fun but not easy. You had implicit rules to respect or else you simply went for a romantic relationship. Jane and Maura had always been on the same page. They didn't want to live a romance. It was just sex, and nothing else.

Any kind of relationship that didn't match the scheme of what society saw as a traditional one needed rules to work out: open relationships, sex friends. Without these rules, everything collapsed.

"Jane!"

Jane looked at her mother anew. Of course, she hadn't listened to what her mother had just said. She had been focused on Maura's colleagues instead which had led her to think about Maura herself and about the peculiarity of their friendship. Not really eager to make her mother lose her nerves, Jane gave her a smile.

"Yeah..."

It was neither a question nor an affirmation. Jane was somewhere in between, too scared to let her mother know that she didn't know what was going on because she had been thinking about something else all along.

"Really?" Angela's eyes widened as a bright smile appeared on her lips suddenly. She leaned over to plant a loud kiss on her daughter's cheek. "I'm so glad you've accepted it. You won't regret it. Mateo will come to pick you up at 6pm. Put on this black dress I bought you a few years ago. It suits you so well."

Jane swallowed hard but her mother didn't give her time to complain. Angela stood up then literally ran away from her daughter.

...

"She is on a date."

Maura had made an incredible effort to sound casual and to articulate the words without her latent jealousy to show. The brief smile that played on Lucy's lips sadly led her to understand that her efforts had been vain.

"I didn't know that Jane was dating someone. She didn't talk about it, the other day."

"She wasn't. It is actually a first date." Maura grabbed the bottle of wine. "Would you like a refill?" She was dying for a second glass herself. "This wine's really good."

She had learned about Jane's date via Susie Chang who had learned about it from an officer. Classic. Or almost. Jane hadn't sent Maura a text message. She hadn't let her know about it. Disappointment and pain had risen in Maura's lower stomach and were now fighting against whatever was left of the wisdom she once had owned. There was a time when Jane would have told her about her date, because they were friends. But the last weeks had proved that their friendship had mostly been controlled by sex.

Perhaps she had to see this date as an omen, as the sign she needed to understand that they were going too far. Their friendship with benefits didn't work as well as they wanted to believe. Maura was simply not ready to accept it.

Perhaps she and Jane had to distance themselves with each other. Their friendship didn't have to suffer from it but the frequency of their sexual encounters had to slow down or else Maura was afraid that it would take a nasty turn. They were having fun but the bitterness they both felt afterwards grew in strength every single time.

"Her mother set them up. She... Ahem... She often does that."

Angela was one of the reasons why being friends with benefits was what Jane and Maura would ever have. As a matter of fact, the idea of them having a romantic relationship hadn't even crossed their mind because they were convinced it was simply impossible. Too complicated. Besides, it wasn't what they wanted. All they were looking for was fun, and lightness. Neither of them wanted to really settle down.

"What does he look like? Unless it's a 'she'...?"

Lucy's question made Maura laugh lightly. Maura shook her head. She took a long sip of wine before smiling at her friend. The carefree attitude Lucy had was relieving. It was exactly what Maura needed.

"Jane doesn't date women. She only dates men."

"Oh. So... What does it make of you? The exception that confirms the rule?"

There was no animosity in Lucy's rhetorical question. Her sarcasm was sweet. She was simply making a joke. Thus Maura didn't take it badly. The remark didn't surprise her either. Of course, Lucy had guessed for her and Jane. Maura had always known that it would happen. Her friend was smart, and a good observer. She had the right distance it took to see what the others who saw Jane and Maura on a daily basis couldn't notice.

"Jane and I aren't dating."

This wasn't a lie. As a matter of fact, Maura had never been on a date with Jane. They had often had dinner outside but only as friends. Their relationship was deprived of any sign of romance.

"You still sleep together." Lucy tilted her head. She gave Maura a friendly smile that matched her tone of voice. She wasn't mad, she wasn't trying to make Maura spill the beans. They were simply talking. "How do you call it? Friends with benefits?"

Maura cast a glance at the kitchen windows. The night hadn't fallen yet. It was summer, after all. The days were longer. But her current state of mind didn't match the sun and the high temperatures. She felt a lot closer to a rainy day of fall by the fireplace.

"I suppose so."

 _I suppose so._ Maura would have never imagined that these were the words she would use to speak about the relationship she had with Jane for the first time. Her lack of courage showed through them. She hadn't said 'yes'. She hadn't even looked at Lucy in the eye. She had bowed her head instead as a wave of shame had invaded her heart.

"It'd be all fine to me if I didn't see you suffer from it."

"I don't!" The eagerness in Maura's voice took her by surprise. She finally looked up and stared at Lucy defiantly. "I'm not suffering from it. I go on dates too. So why would Jane not be allowed to?"

It hadn't worked out with Daniel but that didn't mean Maura had given up completely. Perhaps she would meet someone else. And perhaps Jane's date with Mateo wouldn't work out. Angela's little plots had always failed anyway so Maura wasn't too worried about the upcoming days.

"Okay. So let's go out for a drink."

Lucy's reaction was not the one Maura had imagined. She frowned, confused, before bursting out laughing.

"Are you suggesting me to go on a date with you?"

Lucy rolled her eyes. She took a sip of wine then brought the bottle back to the kitchen. She looked very at ease, and in control.

"Of course not! I'm just saying let's go out to hit the bars together. Maybe your next date is waiting for you out there."

Maura looked down at her lap. She didn't feel like going out but her ego was such that she didn't want Lucy to think that Jane's date bothered her in any way. She stood up then gave her friend a nod.

"Excellent idea. Give me twenty minutes to change of outfit and get ready."

Maura walked to her bedroom. By the time she reached her walk-in closet, she found Lucy's offer to be fair. After all, Jane didn't have to be the only one to have fun tonight. And since Maura was convinced that they both needed to slow down on their secret sessions then hitting the bars was just a perfect way to make it work.

She refused to lose control of the situation. If she didn't want it to backfire then she had to be careful. It was now or never.


	10. Chapter Nine

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for the messages you've sent me these past few days. My account got hacked and the hacker deleted all my stories, so it took a few people a while to solve the issue. Back to the story, now. Thank you again!**

 **Chapter Nine**

Maura looked tired. Her traits were deep and she had circles under her eyes in spite of the make-up she had applied. The bare neon lights of the autopsy room made her look like a zombie. Jane wondered if her friend had suffered from insomnia. Maura usually slept well. She didn't know what it was like to be unable to close your eyes and sleep. But Jane didn't dare to ask the reason of her friend's fatigue. She felt guilty because she hadn't found the courage to let Maura know about her date the day before. She had tried to but the words had refused to come out.

Besides, she hadn't asked to go on a date unlike Maura when she had gone to the restaurant with Daniel. Jane had been fooled by her mother and by the time she had realized what was going on, it had been too late.

She didn't regret her date though. It had gone well, which only made her feel even worse towards Maura. Mateo was nice, funny and smart. Jane would have never been able to recognize him if she had come across him on the street because he had changed so much.

Everything had been perfect until Jane had realized that, as great as Mateo was, the only one she wanted to have in front of her was Maura.

"How's the Marguerite Duras case going?"

Jane shrugged rather absentmindedly. Her dark eyes fixed upon the empty metallic table and the halo of light that got reflected on it. Everything looked always so clean at the morgue, too impersonal. Jane didn't like it. Maura's office was the only space where life didn't seem to have stopped yet.

"It's not going." Jane ran a hand through her hair as a loud sigh passed her lips. "We're stuck. We've got nothing. The only positive side of it is that we only have one body. God spare us a serial killer."

Serial killers belonged to another category, one that caused Jane's stress to reach its maximum level. She felt a lot of pressure from her superior, from politicians and from media when the homicide unit happened to deal with a multiple-death case. At least the Marguerite Duras victim was probably related to a lone wolf.

"I was on a date, last night."

Sometimes Jane thought that it wasn't her who was sarcastic but life. She had spent an entire day trying to tell Maura about Mateo, in vain, and the words suddenly came up all by themselves at the least expected moment. Maura barely flinched. A mysterious smile played on her lips as she leaned against the metallic table to look at Jane in the eyes.

"How did it go?"

"Fine, actually." It wasn't a lie but Jane couldn't help thinking that it didn't sound right either. She wished Maura had said something back instead of looking so still and calm. Indifferent to it. "He was nice."

"I went out, last night."

Jane held her breath subconsciously. She clenched her teeth and needed long seconds to be able to say the slightest thing. She hadn't seen it come even if now she could say why Maura looked tired. Jane understood immediately that her friend hadn't attended a charity event. It wasn't the kind of evening out that Maura was talking about.

"Oh."

"I met someone."

As a matter of fact, Maura had met several people. They were all Lucy's colleagues but she had mostly hit it off with an archeologist from Scotland. She had accepted to go on a date with him. She wasn't stupid though. She knew that she had said yes just in the hope to overcome the shameful disappointment she had felt when she had learned about Jane's date.

"That's... Great."

Jane looked down at her feet. Her lack of enthusiasm had showed in her voice. The fact Maura had met someone wasn't great. None of the dates she had ever had was great. Jane had always hated the idea of knowing her friend out and about with someone else. But she respected Maura's freedom.

"Are you hungry? I would like to take my lunchbreak now because some med school students have to stop by early in the afternoon."

A bitter warmth wrapped up Jane's heart. She had missed these moments with Maura, these moments when their friendship wasn't dictated by moans and sighs. They had lost the habit of simply having a chat. Thus she was beyond happy to see Maura suggest her to go out for lunch now.

"Of course. How about this new Japanese restaurant? You know, the one that's just opened at the corner of the street."

Jane had driven past it on several occasions and she had often thought about asking Maura to go try it with her. Work and a couple of other things had simply postponed the moment.

"Oh, I would love to!"

They hadn't flirted. For the very first time in a long while, Jane and Maura had been together and alone in a room without thinking of having sex. The tension that had built between them wasn't gone but a blurry timidity had pushed it aside.

They both should have felt relieved but the truth was that they didn't know how to handle it.

...

"Are you going to see him again?"

Jane loved her mother to pieces but she didn't feel like talking about Mateo right now. As a matter of fact, she didn't feel like talking at all. The emotions she felt right now were oddly close to the ones of a heartbreak except it didn't make a lot of sense. She hadn't broken up with anyone. She didn't have a reason to feel sad.

"I don't know. Maybe..."

It would depend on Maura. Jane had loved the lunch she and her friend had shared at that new Japanese restaurant because she had been there with Maura, and because it had reminded her of all these meals they used to share. By the time Jane had headed back to work, she had come to the conclusion that being friends with benefits didn't mean that they couldn't be exclusive. It sounded a bit unusual but perhaps Maura would accept the new rule if Jane suggested it to her.

Perhaps.

"What do you mean, you don't know? You just said Mateo was a nice man. What's wrong with you, Jane?"

Jane looked at her mother in silence. Everything was wrong with her, absolutely everything. Her life didn't make sense anymore and she felt lost, unable to take the mere decision. Something was off.

"Just because I like someone doesn't mean I wanna date that person."

"I figured that out, or else you'd already been dating Maura." Angela rolled her eyes. The innocence of her remark caused Jane to freeze but she didn't notice it. "I've always wanted to have a doctor in the family, after all!"

Jane knew that her mother was joking but she didn't find it to be very funny. As a matter of fact, it even hurt a lot. Having sex with Maura in secret was a lot easier than dating her because nobody knew about it, and because Jane didn't have to justify anything to anyone.

"Since when are you so pro-gay rights?" Jane clenched her teeth as a quiet and cold anger passed underneath her skin. "This is quite new."

The remark must have taken Angela aback because she needed a few seconds to find something to say back. Luckily she and Jane were alone in the guesthouse and nobody could hear them. This wasn't the kind of conversation Angela wanted to have in public. It was too personal for that.

"I've never had any issue with same-sex couples! I'm friend with Barry's mother and I was sincerely happy when she told us that she was getting married. I just want people to be happy, Jane. I don't care if it's with a person of the same sex or not."

Jane glanced at the patio by one of the windows of the guesthouse. Maura was checking the state of her flowers. The hot temperatures of summer had killed them all though and Jane had the feeling to see her friend on another crime scene.

The context was oddly ironical, as if Maura was irremediably linked to death, no matter what she did or said.

"Good."

Jane didn't even realize that she had replied to her mother. Everything had stopped making sense the moment she had realized that Maura was ready to go out on her date. She was wearing a beautiful summer dress, one that higlighted her feminine curves with a delicate grace. Jane swallowed hard. Maura was gorgeous.

And she was gorgeous for someone else.

"I'm busy with work right now. I gotta solve a case... But when I'm done, I'll call Mateo to let him know that I'd gladly go on another date." Jane reluctantly stopped looking at Maura to focus on her mother instead. "Are you happy now?"

Angela didn't nod.

Jane didn't feel any better but if Maura was ready to go on a date with someone then she, Jane, had no reason to stay alone in a corner. She had to accept the facts: she would never be exclusive with Maura because it wasn't what her friend wanted in the end.


	11. Chapter Ten

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all your reviews and messages, I'm glad to be back too.**

 **Chapter Ten**

They had chosen a restaurant because it was safer than Maura's house or even Jane's apartment. A public area meant that nothing would happen even if they tried to flirt. It hadn't always been like that though. They had already had sex in the bathroom of a restaurant on more than one occasion. Public spaces were arousing. But things had now changed, or at least that was what they wanted to believe.

"Have you ever been to one of these parties before?"

Jane looked into Maura's hazel eyes with an intensity that took her friend aback. There was something bold in Jane's gesture, something very arousing too. Maura swallowed hard and waited for an answer to her question even if she knew what her friend would say. Of course, Jane had never attended such kind of party.

"Have you?"

The tone was soft. It embraced the hoarse voice with a sensuality Maura could hardly resist. It was anything but innocent. Jane knew what she was doing. Perhaps she simply couldn't help it. The question caused Maura to laugh lightly. She folded her napkin then set it down on the table next to her empty plate.

"It's a possibility..."

Maura had decided to accept Jane's game. Just like her friend, she wouldn't be direct in her answers. An ounce of mystery would wrap up the sentences that would slide on her lips as she would try to read Jane's mind. Easy.

They hadn't had any encounter for three days. It was an absolute nothing yet Maura saw it as the symbolical failure of their friendship with benefits. They hadn't got tired of it. They were simply scared of their feelings.

Life had gone on as it always did. They had talked to each other, they had worked together and their interactions had been friendly. Very few people would have guessed that they had just put an end to something a lot more complex.

"What is it like?"

"A giant refine orgy." A peaceful smile played on Maura's lips. She meant what she had just said even if she was mostly trying to provoke Jane. It was part of her plan. It had always been. "As refine as an orgy can be, that is."

Jane laughed nervously. As much as Maura had never told her about any gender bender party until now, she wasn't surprised to learn that her friend had already taken part in one of these. She simply found the current irony to be delicate to handle.

It was the only lead they had though. They had found out earlier in the morning that the victim of the Marguerite Duras case was supposed to attend the singular party for she belonged to the swinger community of Boston. It was Korsak who had thought about Maura. She and Jane would attend the party in the hope to grasp information that may lead them to the murderer who had quoted _The Lover_ on that wall.

"I didn't know it was your thing."

As much as Maura's sexual life had very few limits, Jane had a hard time picturing her friend in the middle of a swinger party. It didn't fit. It was arousing but it didn't fit.

"The fact I have already been a guest doesn't make of me an expert, Jane." The conversation was entertaining. Maura felt amused but it didn't change anything to the fact that she wanted to know more about Mateo. Had Jane seen him again? Had she slept with him yet? Talking about supposedly refine orgies was a lame subterfuge. "Wearing a mask brings a relieving anonymity to... To the whole thing."

Jane didn't miss the embarrassment that showed in Maura's voice nor in the way she moved on her seat. Maura was nervous. She felt uncomfortable.

Gender bender was the theme of the party and as much as Jane had done some research about it, the only images she had in mind were the ones of a party that oddly looked like _Eyes Wide Shut_. Reality was probably different, a lot rougher. Going there with Maura was reassuring even if it didn't happen at the right time. They needed to respect a certain distance between each other in order to avoid what they would face once at the party.

Jane hadn't complained though. She couldn't. Nobody at the BPD knew what she and Maura used to do at night. Nobody had an idea of the nature of their friendship.

"Good point."

Settling a plan for the party had been a pitiful excuse to have dinner together. Neither of them had been fooled. They knew what they would have to do on the very next day. They didn't have to plan anything. But lying in order to steal a few hours from their so-called determination to put an end to their sexual encounters was appealing.

Maura opened her mouth to speak but the words didn't come out. She had been busy at work for the past few days but in spite of this sudden surge of activity, her mind had focused on Jane and Jane only. She missed her. She missed feeling the warmth of her skin against her lips and the shivering sensation of her friend's nipples getting hard under her feather touch.

Jane was her drug and Maura needed a fix.

"How's your date? Sorry, I forgot his name."

Jane turned out to be the first one who abdicated to the powerful desire that had risen in her lower stomach. She had tried to sound casual but she was convinced that she had failed.

"Finn, his name is Finn." Maura had slept with him but she had thought about Jane all the time which had led her to succumb to a bottomless despair. She felt stuck in a dead-end alley. Stuck and lonely. "We're doing fine, thank you."

Maura had found him to be interesting but she wasn't attracted to him. He was a so-called rebound except she didn't want to move on. Everything had been mechanic with him, atrociously mechanic. Her pride prevented her from seeing him as a mistake yet it was exactly what it was.

"How about Mateo?"

Jane should have known better than to ask Maura about her date if she didn't want to talk about Mateo herself. She hadn't called him back yet. She didn't want to. She didn't miss him the slightest bit.

But a stupid pride kept on telling her to do it nonetheless if she didn't want to find herself alone and sad for the rest of her life. Mateo was more than decent. He was a miracle in her pitiful love life.

"He's... I've been busy. Frost and I have been working hard on the case and I haven't had a chance to... To call him back yet."

Jane frowned as she noticed how her friend's traits suddenly lightened up. The reaction was spontaneous but unexpected. Maura looked happy and relieved. Her words didn't match her reaction though.

"You shouldn't put your private life on pause, Jane. Your colleagues don't do it. You need a time off too if you want to be able to face..." Maura stopped talking as the waitress approached. She didn't want to be overheard. "You know what I mean."

Their sexual encounters had brought Jane the relief she needed on a daily basis. Or at least until feelings had risen from their sighs and caresses. The lack of implication was exactly what Jane needed. Having sex swept away the frustration of a day of work while orgasms made her feel calm, quiet.

Now she had none of this.

"How am I supposed to dress for tomorrow's party?" Jane glanced at the waitress who had just left again after filling her glass with some more wine. "Am I supposed to dress up as a man?"

Gender bender.

Jane had never attended a swinger party but the theme was clear. It had even made a few of her colleagues laugh. She didn't find it to be funny, even more since their only lead seemed to be awfully thin.

"A feminine masculinity." Maura ran her tongue over her lips. The gesture was subconscious but very telling. "A bit like Greta Garbo. Do you see what I mean?"

Jane gave her friend a nod. She was losing control of her life. She could feel it. From the peculiar friendship she had developed with Maura to the swinger party she was about to attend, nothing made sense. She would go there in the hope to find something that would help her solve a blurry case but all she could think about was the way Maura's back arched whenever an orgasm hit her.

Or what Maura would look like in a Greta Garbo outfit.

"I see." Jane had a bad feeling about it though. She wouldn't fit and people would see it. Her friendship with Maura had made her become bolder than she used to be but she wasn't ready to take part in a swinger party, even if just as an undercover. "For once nobody will force me to wear a dress..."

The victim of the Marguerite Duras case was the loneliest woman Jane had ever known. She didn't have family nor friends. Her colleagues barely knew her name. Her life was dull and awfully quiet.

Except for her swinger tendencies.

It seemed cliché. The vengeance of a sexual partner. Yet Jane had no other leads and time was running against her and Frost. They had to do something. The gender bender party was their only opportunity.

"They will barely notice you anyway."

Jane gave Maura a smile, a shy one. She didn't like the apprehension she felt because Maura seemed to be at ease. The balance was off.

"Lucky me."


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages!**

 **Chapter Eleven**

All Jane could see through her mask was an immensity of red velvet and, here and there, a ballet of intertwined bodies. It was exactly how Maura had described it: a refine, elegant orgy. People were kissing and making love everywhere but the roughness Jane had feared wasn't there. An odd sensuality rose from the different rooms instead. It was strange.

Strange and fascinating.

Korsak and Frost had got the list of the guests. They had asked a few questions to the hosts earlier in the afternoon but none of them had really been able to talk about the victim of the Marguerite Duras case. As much as she often attended their private parties, she had always remained discreet.

Like most of the guests, actually.

It was a swinger party for the upper class of Boston. The fees one had to pay were high and many important people attended the evening. It was even one of the reasons why they all wore a mask. Some guests were too famous to be seen and recognized.

If Jane was happy to be wearing a suit, her feet nonetheless hurt in her Italian stilettos. Maura had insisted on this point. Gender bender was supposed to be a mix of masculinity and femininity. Jane had accepted rather easily. Her curiosity was piqued anyway. She wanted to see the kind of parties Maura had once attended.

They had nobody to stalk, nobody to talk to. Their only mission this evening was to wander through the victim's world and perhaps, with a little bit of luck, come across someone who may catch their attention.

The marble floor of the immense lobby had impressed Jane. They were in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods of Boston. The house almost looked like a palace to her. It smelled of money and old families, of secrets and long history. It was so far from Jane's world that she had suddenly become very timid. She didn't belong to such social sphere.

Most of her questions had been answered within the first minutes of her presence in the house. Now the only thing Jane wondered was if Maura had liked it, and with how many people she had done it. It wasn't arousing at all. As a matter of fact, Jane even felt jealous. She didn't want to see Maura in someone else's arms. She wanted Maura to be hers and nobody else's.

Couches. Beds. Endless rows of heavy velvet curtains. Waiters kept on coming and going, offering Champagne to the guests who weren't busy kissing or making love to someone else. The atmosphere was strange, and surprising.

The gender bender theme had been respected. Most of women wore elegant black suits. With her very own one, Jane fit in. As a matter of fact, she looked like any of these guests who were lying on sofas. She had done her hair, and had tied it up in a high bun. The hairdo and her mask highlighted her cheekbones with a grace that had taken her aback when she had observed her reflection in a mirror. It suited her, though not as much as Maura.

Maura's curves offered a sensual contrast with the Italian suit she was wearing. Jane was hypnotized by her friend's tie, the way Maura wore it half-loose. Her hair matched Jane's but the red lipstick on her lips contrasted with Jane's lack of makeup. Jane loved it.

After a slow tour of the house, they sat down on an ocean of cushions and began to sip on their Champagne. Neither of them had talked since they had entered the house. Jane had lost herself to wonders and to the observation of something that she had never seen before.

She didn't understand why she wasn't shocked. It wasn't just about swinger couples. People kissed the person on their right before focusing on the one who happened to be on their left while three pairs of hands caressed their body. It was an orgy, a real one. Yet an impressive respect seemed to reign over the kingdom of sighs Jane had entered and it was oddly reassuring.

"Are you alright?"

Maura's hot breath brushed her ear but the only thing Jane felt turned out to be her friend's hand on her inner thigh. Maura had leaned over to whisper her question into Jane's ear in order to make sure that Jane would overhear her in spite of the electro music that was playing. Unable to talk, Jane simply nodded. She was mesmerized, and felt numbed as if she had had too many drinks.

Nobody looked suspicious in spite of the masks the guests were wearing. Everybody minded their own business. The situation was harmless. Sadly Jane had immediately understood that the only lead she had had just been reduced to pieces because she would never be able to talk to anyone about the victim. It didn't make sense, not here.

Yet she didn't want to leave.

Lost among intertwined bodies, Jane thought about Mateo. About Finn. She didn't know what Maura's date looked like but she nonetheless thought about him. She focused on her emotions and on every single thing that had happened to her since she had begun to work on the Marguerite Duras case. She thought about Maura, about the odd direction their friendship had taken.

It made her feel bitter.

The evening would be inconclusive. She knew that she wouldn't meet anyone related to the victim. Perhaps the murderer was in the house but Jane lacked hints. The case was going nowhere. She was failing.

She didn't feel the hand going up her thigh until the fingers almost reached her waist. She looked down at her lap, surprised. The woman on her left had decided that Jane wasn't a statue and that she had to take part in the sensual activities of the night.

Jane swallowed hard and freeze. It hadn't crossed her mind that someone would tried to have sex with her. It made sense since it was the only purpose of the party but she had been too focused on the case and on her personal issues to even imagine that such scenario may happen.

The hand brushed her lower stomach.

She should have said something. She should have reacted. She didn't want any of this. Being in the room where an orgy was occurring was one thing. Taking part in it was another one.

Everything happened very quickly. Before she had a chance to realize what was going on, Jane found herself at the mercy of Maura's lips on hers. Her friend had cupped her face before capturing her mouth in a long and deep kiss. Jane assumed that it was the only subterfuge Maura had found to make sure that the other woman would stop caressing Jane.

It had worked.

Jane abandoned herself to the kiss, to the teasing ballet of Maura's tongue around hers and to the sensations that the bold move had stirred up.

They broke apart, breathless, and looked into each other's eyes. The masks covered the top half of their faces and the only thing they could see was the dark pupils of their eyes. Jane swallowed hard and let the weight of defeat embrace her heart with a bittersweet glory.

She had fought but had just lost the battle. She knew it.

Her lips brushed Maura's anew with a brief timidity before the frustration of the past week melted into an eagerness that neither of them managed to resist. It wasn't just a kiss. Their clothes burned their skin as their hearts pounded louder and louder in their chests.

Jane lay down. She barely held back a sigh of relief as Maura molded her body against hers and she passed a leg between hers. There were people around them but Jane couldn't care less. She glanced at a couple on the cushions next to her. Lost in their sighs and caresses, they were unaware of her presence in the room. She closed her eyes and succumbed to the invisible lines that Maura's tongue traced down her jaw.

The possibility that they could have sex in the middle of a hundred strangers was oddly arousing. Jane wasn't afraid nor shy. The odd, respectful atmosphere of the place brought her the confidence that she needed to let it go and enjoy the way Maura's fingers massaged her through the thin fabric of her suit.

The last ounce of Jane's modesty vanished the moment she grabbed Maura's hand to rest it on top of her breasts, under her white shirt. She had missed the touch so much that she needed it now. In the middle of an anonymous crowd. Maura was kissing her anew, with a surge of boldness and self-confidence that drove Jane on the edge. She hadn't undressed. Maura had simply unzipped her pants to pass a hand under the boxers she wore while her other hand was now massaging Jane's nipples through the lace of her bra.

It wasn't supposed to happen. Not now. There was Mateo, and then Finn. There was this untold decision that she and Maura had taken regarding their friendship with benefits.

Everything had collapsed within a kiss.

A stifled moan died in Jane's throat as she felt Maura slide two fingers inside of her. The gesture had surprised her but it was exactly what Jane needed. She was ready for it. Her arousal was such that the mere touch may have turned out to be enough to make her reach a powerful orgasm.

The hem of her mask stuck to her face like a second skin. She was hot, at the mercy of Maura's kisses and of the coming and going of her fingers against her core.

The movements of Maura's tongue around Jane's matched the pace of her fingers in a tantalizing way. Breathless and on the verge of hitting her climax, Jane sunk a hand into Maura's hair. The roughness of the gesture released a few rebel curls of blond hair that fell in a cascade around Maura's neck.

"You're mine..."

Maura's murmur against Jane's lips caused Jane to smile. She looked for her friend's eyes through her mask, for these hazel eyes that she could have spotted in the dark.

Maura sped up the pace and pressed more tightly against Jane's bone to make her reach her orgasm. Jane didn't fight against it. She accepted her fate with the sweetest melancholy ever. Of course, she was Maura's. Of course, she was.


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Author's Note : Thank you for all the reviews (to the anonymous reviewer: I don't think I'll go as far as a foursome, don't be worried).**

 **Chapter Twelve**

"Have you thought about Maura?"

The question took Jane out of her daydream. She looked up at her mother but remained quiet. Maura had been haunting her mind since the evening they had spent together at the swinger party. A week had passed by since then, a week made of sexual encounters and delicate smiles. A week made of doubts.

They had started their friendship with benefits anew. Just as expected, they hadn't managed to keep their distance nor to lie to themselves any longer. Mateo and Finn were still in the picture though. To an extent.

But Jane and Maura slept together again and they didn't want to stop any time soon.

"What do you mean?"

Jane could hardly believed that she had dared to do what she had done at the party. Of course nobody but Maura had touched her which reduced her boldness to a mere nothing but it was still big and completely out of character for her.

She felt a bit ashamed of it. The truth was that she had been unable to resist. The moment Maura had kissed her, Jane had known that she wouldn't be able to count on her will because it had vanished in the air. She had missed Maura too much to push her away at this exact moment. A kiss would have never been enough to satisfy her lustful desires.

She would probably not do it again anyway. It was just a once in a lifetime thing that she could scratch off her so-called bucket list.

"Well... Her birthday is coming, Jane! Has she told you anything about it? What does she want? I suppose she'll invite Finn. Maybe you'd call Mateo too. You said you'd do it once the case's over so you're free now, aren't you?"

Jane clenched her teeth as a wave of anger passed underneath her skin. The Marguerite Duras case hadn't been solved. She had been asked to simply move on. They couldn't afford to spend more time on a case without having a lead.

"Hmm."

"Oh, Jane." Angela felt the despair in her daughter's bare reply. She squeezed Jane's hand and gave her a comforting smile. "It was a tough case."

"There aren't tough cases, ma'. Only average detectives."

And Jane hated it. Not being able to solve a case made her mad. Not only did she feel ashamed because she hadn't been able to avenge the victim but it also gave a very poor image of the BPD to the public. She knew that she couldn't solve all the crime investigations Boston had but it didn't change anything to the fact she found it immensely frustrating.

"Don't say that. You're an excellent detective. I hate admitting it but it's the truth. Don't even dare to think differently." Angela picked an olive from a cup. She chewed on it absentmindedly. "Now back to Maura's birthday. Do you know what kind of present she wants?"

"Why should I know about it?"

Jane looked into her mother's eyes. She wondered if her mother had any idea of what had happened at the swinger party. Jane wasn't the kind of person who attended such peculiar events. Nobody imagined her having sex in the middle of an anonymous crowd.

Maura had told her that politicians and influent people were among the guests, which explained the luxury of the whole thing. It didn't match who Jane was but even retrospectively she had to admit that the party hadn't been creepy.

It had been odd, and appealing.

"She's your best friend, Jane! That's why you should know about it. You and Maura are always together. Don't you wonder why so many people think you're a couple?"

"Nobody thinks we're a couple, ma'. This isn't true." It was true but Jane didn't want to accept it. She wasn't ready for it, not just now. For the moment she enjoyed the anonymity of her encounters with Maura and the fact it was nobody else's business. "We're friends. As for her birthday... I don't know. She can buy herself anything."

Anything but love, and friendship. The fact Maura had a lot of money had ceased to be an issue for Jane. They may not belong to the same social class, Jane knew that the difference didn't weigh in the balance. They were fine with it.

Maura didn't need anything but emotions that weren't sold in any boutique.

"Perhaps the two of you could go somewhere out of town. You know, for a couple of days. You're not working on a case anymore and we're in full summer."

"Where do you want us to go?"

Jane was aware of her grumpy mood but she completely assumed it. Her mother's suggestion wasn't such a bad idea but Jane wasn't sure that making such plans was what she and Maura needed. Besides, Lucy was still in Boston so Maura couldn't leave.

And then there was Finn, and Mateo. Or at least in theory.

"I don't know... Maybe a cute little town on the coast! How about Provincetown?"

...

 _What do you want for your birthday?_

 _J._

One of the reasons why Jane hated birthdays was because she wasn't a creative person. She sucked at buying presents. Her brain turned blank by then and she always ended up going for the lamest plan. Lying in bed, she stared at the dark screen of her cell phone waiting for Maura's reply. Her friend had gone out for dinner, with Lucy. But at this hour of the night, Jane assumed that both women were now back to Beacon Hill.

She and Maura talked a lot since they had resumed their secret sessions. They often shared their thoughts, the plans they had out of work. Jane didn't know what to think about it. Sometimes it sounded too close to a real, romantic relationship. She let Maura know what she did and Maura did the same in return. Even if it included Finn.

At least a dinner out with Lucy didn't annoy Jane. Things would have been different if Maura had told her that she was going on a date.

 _You. I want you._

 _M._

Maura's reply made Jane smile. She liked it a lot when Maura was direct with her. She found it to be cute and arousing. The authority Maura often showed in bed was sweet and comforting. It was something Jane had never experienced with anyone else.

It was one of these details that made it all so important in the end.

 _You can have me any day, this isn't a gift._

 _J._

Jane's heart tightened as she realized that she would have to delete the conversation once they would be done. She always did, just in case. She didn't want anyone to accidentally find the text messages. Maura did the same which brought an ephemeral sensation to something that seemed too strong to disappear within a second. Jane swallowed hard. It was part of the game.

 _I didn't have you today, though._

 _M._

Touché. Jane had been busy at work. Then she had had dinner with her mother while Maura had left the morgue to meet with Lucy. They didn't have to have sex every day anyway. As much as they didn't want to accept it, the situation was very clear: their relationship had ceased to be purely sexual a long time ago already. It went beyond orgasms and kisses.

It was not as impersonal as it should have been.

 _You can have me in your dreams. If you close your eyes and slide a hand between your legs. You can have me any time. Really._

 _J._

Sexting was something new for Jane. As a matter of fact, she had had many first times with Maura. All of them had turned out to be positive, one way or another. Jane didn't regret any of them. She was simply still surprised to realize how bold Maura made her feel at times.

 _That already happened in the shower. But it's not the same when I open my eyes anew and realize that you aren't here with me._

 _M._

Jane's back arched as a shiver ran down her spine. She could hardly believe that a mere sentence was able to stir up such sensations in her body. She tried to picture Maura out, in her shower. Her body tense under the waves of her orgasm.

 _I'll be here next time. There are some things I don't want to miss. In the meantime, you still have your dreams._

 _J._

Jane had spent the last hour fantasizing about another kind of reality. She had tried to imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship with Maura. To hold her hand in public, to not feel the urge to hide. Sadly the image of this parallel world had remained blurry. It was so far from what she and Maura were having now that Jane couldn't see it happening.

 _You're always in my dreams. You've always been._

 _M._

This. Jane swallowed hard. Maura's words had an effect on her heart that she could barely describe. Yet she knew that whatever she was feeling wasn't supposed to happen. Not when you were friends with benefits.

Jane waited for long seconds before typing a reply. The night was hot, and humid. She wouldn't sleep with well. She had taken a shower ten minutes earlier but she was already sweating again. She hated it. She grabbed a bottle of water from her bedside table and took a sip of it. She hadn't sent her text message yet. The words looked bright on the small screen. Too bright. Terribly sincere.

 _Promise me it won't change. Promise me I'll always be part of your dreams. Please._

 _J._

She hit the 'send' button with a shaking hand. It was the first time that she asked Maura something so personal. It may be symbolical only, it was still important to Jane. Too important maybe.

Maura replied almost immediately.

 _It's a promise I made to myself the first time we got to meet._

 _M._


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages, I don't know how long this story is going to be yet (though it won't come to an end within the next three chapters obviously).**

 **Chapter Thirteen**

Maura looked at her reflection in the large mirror of her bedroom. Her lips curled up in a smile but the smile didn't reach her eyes. The nervousness she felt prevented her from enjoying the moment, from cheering herself up. As a matter of fact, she was even nauseous. She had barely managed to eat her quinoa salad for lunch and she wasn't hungry in spite of it being almost 7pm now.

She wouldn't be sick. She perfectly knew that it was stress that caused her to feel dizzy and that the stress she felt would vanish as soon as she, Jane, Mateo and Finn would reach the restaurant where she had booked a table for four.

A double date. Under other circumstances, Maura would have probably loved the idea. There was something sweet in these dinners, something sweet and relaxing. Maura winced.

It was sweet and relaxing unless you happened to sleep with two of the three guests, of course.

"Why are you so nervous?" Lucy's laugh rose in the master bedroom as she walked in and headed towards the large mirror. "You're just as pale as a ghost. Relax! It's just a dinner..."

"Jane is picky. She may not like Finn."

Maura ran her tongue over her lips. Her remark wasn't a lie. She honestly felt concerned about Jane getting along with Finn. However, it wasn't the real nature of her anxiety. She swept away some invisible dust from her dress with the back of her hand before taking a deep breath. She was too hot and regretted to not have turned on the AC for once. Five more minutes of these uncomfortable sensations and she would begin to think that she actually had hot flashes.

"I didn't know it was indispensable for you to sleep with her."

The sweetness of Lucy's tone sharply contrasted with her comment. Maura immediately bowed her head and shamefully stared at her feet. Lucy had guessed for her and Jane but she had remained very quiet over the whole thing until now. She hadn't expressed her opinion and Maura hadn't asked for any advice either. Both women had simply pretended that there was nothing to talk about.

"It's not..." Maura swallowed hard. "It's not what you think."

It was the poorest excuse Maura could come up with. Lucy politely smiled. She had crossed her arms against her chest and had leaned against the wall to observe her friend carefully.

"Does Finn know?"

"Of course not!" Maura turned around to look into Lucy's eyes. Lucy wasn't being judgemental. Her question was even fair; somehow. "He doesn't have to know. He..."

Besides, Maura didn't see how she could have talked to him about it since she could barely define what was really going on. Everything was blurry and very delicate to handle.

"But you sleep with him... Don't you think he should..."

"Once. I've slept with him once. Only once." Maura adjusted her dress with a lot of nervousness. She agreed with Lucy but she couldn't admit it openly. "I... He's not..."

Lucy gave Maura a nod full of seriousness and care. She wasn't joking anymore. She was being honest, and sensitive. She looked Maura in the eyes before smiling warmly.

"He's not Jane. I know."

...

The restaurant was perfect for a date, a double one or not. It was quiet, and romantic enough. The food was excellent although Maura had a hard time focusing on whatever was in her plate. Her stress had reached such level that she felt drunk and oddly daring. She had only had a glass of wine though. Her reaction was unexpected.

Jane surprisingly seemed to handle the situation a lot better than her. She casually joked with everyone and was in a good mood in spite of the Marguerite Duras case.

"Are there a lot of women in your work field?"

Maura had to admit that Mateo was nice. As a matter of fact, the double date was going very well. Everyone was joyfully chatting. There wasn't any uncomfortable silence. Even Jane had hit it off with Finn.

Jane, who was sitting right in front of Maura.

Maura glanced at Jane before drawing her attention on Mateo. She gave him a smile, a polite one.

"It is still highly dominated by men but my colleagues have learned to accept my presence in the office. I am not a very submissive person myself."

Double-entendre were the only escape Maura had found to her stress. She saw her verbal subterfuges as a game, a kinky and amusing game. It didn't seem to bother Jane much and both men were too polite to offer a honest reaction to her suggestive remarks.

Maura cast a glance at Jane anew. A smirk had curled up her lips, an invisible one. Maura bit the inside of her cheek to hold back a laugh.

"I've only heard good things about the chief medical examiner of the Commonwealth, indeed."

Maura discreetly took off one of her heels. Her tiptoes went straight for Jane's leg, under the table. Of course, she didn't look at her friend and remained focused on Mateo instead. Her foot began to travel up Jane's leg. Slowly. Suggestively.

"I need to be in good terms with the media so it's all about diplomacy." Her foot reached Jane's inner thigh. "But I can be firm at times too."

Jane didn't offer any resistance. Against all expectations but much to Maura's happiness, she slightly spread her legs to make sure that Maura's foot could resume its quiet exploration on her body.

It was wrong and yet terribly exciting. The novelty aroused Maura. This was something that she and Jane had never done before. She was surprised to see Jane accept to play along so easily but it warmed up her heart so much that she didn't try to overthink it.

 _Carpe diem._

Mateo was good-looking, smart and quite funny. He was probably the best date Jane had had in a while. Maura would have simply liked him better under other circumstances.

She couldn't stand the idea of him being intimate with Jane. She assumed that it had happened already, though. She and Jane had simply not talked about it. The strength of her jealousy pushed her to position her foot right against Jane's core. The gesture was sudden, a bit abrupt even.

The temperatures of the day being high, Maura hadn't put on pantyhoses and what had seemed to be a reasonable decision by then had just turned into a blessing because Jane, who was wearing a dress, hadn't put on any either.

Thus Maura's foot could come and go very freely against the thin fabric of her friend's underwear. Jane was wet. Already.

"Are you... Are you here for a while, Finn?"

The discreet hesitation that showed in Jane's voice caused Maura to smile. It was the ultimate proof of the effects that her foot caused to Jane. The question was quite fair though. After all, Finn didn't live in Boston.

It was a detail that hadn't even hit Maura until now, because she sadly couldn't care less about him. Finn was just an ephemeral entertainment. It was wrong but Maura couldn't help it. He had never had the proper importance to her eyes. Chances were that she would never sleep with him again. Their fling was over even before it got to start properly.

Maura didn't hear Finn's reply. She focused on the circular movements her foot described against Jane's core instead, on the roughness of her friend's breathing. Jane was very discreet but Maura could easily notice those tiny changes in her friend's attitude.

It was immensely arousing.

Her brain shut down until the four of them found themselves outside on the sidewalk long after Jane came against Maura's foot in the most perfect silence.

The relative coolness of the evening woke up Maura just enough for her to tell Finn that she was heading back home because she was tired. She watched how Jane used a more or less equivalent excuse before walking peacefully to her car in the breeze of the summer.

Finn sent her a text message but she didn't read it. She couldn't. Her heart was beating too fast as the streets of Boston were speeding past all around her. She drove to Back Bay, quietly parked on the street then rushed to the floor of a building she considered as her second home.

Jane barely had the time to open the door that Maura rushed into her arms. She dropped her purse on the floor and captured her friend's lips in this deep kiss she had been thinking about all along the evening.

She took her stilettos off.

She didn't think about Finn nor about Mateo. She only cared about the heat of Jane's body under her fingertips, and the taste of her friend's skin under her tongue as she undressed her in a complete frenzy.

They didn't have time to reach the bedroom in spite of the apartment being so small. They dropped to the floor and let the night embrace the paroxysm of their desires.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages, they are very much appreciated.**

 **Chapter Fourteen**

"I have a trial at 4pm, can you go there for me? They have my name and they know I'm supposed to stop by."

Jane gave her colleague a nod. Since she and Frost had had to drop the Marguerite Duras case, their days at the BPD were boring. Mostly paperwork and the tiny hope to be called on a brand new crime scene. At least driving to the Public Library for her colleague would take Jane out for a little while.

"Yeah sure. No problem!" Jane smiled brightly. "That will wake me up a little. I'm getting sleepy here."

Maura had just entered the room. Jane hadn't seen her friend yet but she had heard her steps, the sound of Maura's stilettos on the floor. Just as planned, Maura was picking her up for lunch.

"Great, thanks a lot." Jane's colleague nodded back before laughing lightly. "Getting tired of all this paperwork, hmm?"

Jane was about to answer back when another colleague decided to join the conversation. Sergeant O'Donell, a sixty-two-year-old guy Jane couldn't stand. She found him to be sexist and she didn't like his methods of action at all. They had very little in common and their conversations were tense.

"You're bored, Rizzoli?" O'Donell burst out laughing. "You bet you're bored. Paperwork isn't as entertaining as swinger parties, is it?"

Jane stared at her colleague. She clenched her teeth and tried to ignore the heavy silence that now weighed over the room. Everybody had stopped talking. O'Donell's voice had caught people's attention. Unfortunately.

"What do you mean?"

Jane didn't miss the way O'Donell looked at Maura before answering back. She didn't miss the smirk that curled up his lips either. A smirk of victory and so-called power. A smirk she immediately hated.

"Well, ya know." O'Donell shrugged almost casually. "People say you had fun out there." The sergent looked at Maura anew as if he wanted to make sure that Jane would get his not so implicit message. "I don't blame you though."

Everything went very fast. The room began to spin around and before Jane's fist hit O'Donell's face with a strength that made the man lose his balance and fall down, the only thing Jane heard turned out to be Maura's voice yelling her name.

...

"You know you could get fired for that!"

Jane rolled her eyes. She pressed the ice pack tightly against her left hand and let a heavy sigh pass her lips. Of course, she knew that Lieutenant Cavanaugh was right. She had just hit a sergeant in the face. This wasn't the kind of behavior the BPD expected from the officers.

"He went for me. He totally deserved it!"

Jane held back a smile as she thought about O'Donell and how she had literally knocked him down. It had felt right, and good too. Relieving somewhat. However, she hadn't forgotten what he had said before her fist to hit his face. His allusion and the way he had looked at Maura had made some things clear.

Some things Jane didn't know how to handle. They were even the reason why she had lost her nerves in the first place.

Cavanaugh's fist loudly landed on top of his desk. The sudden gesture caused Jane to jump. Back to reality: her analysis of the situation would have to wait for a while. She had other priorities to face right now.

"That's not what you've been taught at the Academy!" Cavanaugh sat down and pursed his lips. His tone was firm, and cold. "This isn't how we solve issues between colleagues. Or at least not here at the BPD. And if you think otherwise then maybe you should reconsider your career."

Jane swallowed hard. Her blood turned icy in her veins. She knew that she should have never hit O'Donell but she didn't find it fair to be the only one who had to face Cavanaugh's anger. She wasn't the only culprit in this story.

"But..."

"There's no 'but', Rizzoli!" Lieutenant Cavanaugh looked into Jane's eyes. He shook his head angrily. "It's a break, now. A two-week break. That'll give you time to think about what you've done. Take advantage of it to solve your anger issues. We don't need this kind of behavior here."

Jane opened her mouth to reply but the words stayed trapped in her throat. She barely heard the rest of her boss' monologue. The only thing she could think about was how mad her mother was going to be the moment she would learn about all this.

She left the BPD within twenty minutes. Frost and Korsak weren't around. She would have to send them a text message even if she was certain that the rumor would already have spread by the time she would reach her car that was parked on the street.

A bad day. That was what it was: a very bad day.

She could have stopped by the morgue to talk to Maura but Jane knew that her friend was busy with med school students. The conversation she wanted to have would have to wait for a while.

"What now?" Jane clenched her teeth. She tried to ignite the engine of her car for the second time. In vain. The AC wasn't on yet obviously and the temperatures were atrocious in her old Subaru. "Oh for God's sake, this gotta be a joke."

Everything had gone smoothly until she had hit O'Donell in the face. As a matter of fact, everything had gone smoothly for a while. Jane had spent the night over at Maura's. They had shared their breakfast with Lucy before heading to their respective places of work. It had been a sweet morning. Now Jane was temporarily job-less and car-less.

Unable to start her car and too angry to even deal with it right now, Jane took the subway. Jo Friday stared at her in disbelief as she walked in her apartment. Jane shrugged.

"It's vacation time."

Forced vacations, with a bruise left hand. It wasn't how things were supposed to go. Jane hadn't planned on taking any day off this summer. Of course, she had thought about her mother's suggestion to take Maura out of town for a few days but it had remained completely abstract in her head. She didn't want to stop working. She didn't want to pack and leave the city.

She walked to the fridge and picked a bottle of beer out of it.

For the very first time since their so-called double date, Jane thought about Mateo. He had left a couple of messages on her phone but she hadn't called him back yet. She didn't want to, because the situation made her feel bad. It was different for Maura since Finn didn't live in Boston. Mateo was supposed to be a permanent thing. Not a fling.

And then there was O'Donell's remark.

Jane sat on the couch of her living-room rather loudly. She took her shoes off then sipped on her beer. Not a single person from the BPD had attended the swinger party. She knew it for she had got the list of the guests in the afternoon prior to the party. Yet someone had seen her and Maura.

Perhaps O'Donell had lied. Perhaps he had invented it. After all, Jane knew about the rumors that were going on at the BPD. Many people often joked about her and Maura.

She nodded at nobody in particular and came to the conclusion that she was simply going through an odd day that actually matched what her life had become. Since she and Maura had begun to sleep together, everything had looked upside down. Jane liked the shift that had happened in their friendship but sometimes she had a hard time recognizing herself. Maura brought out a side of herself she had ignored until now. It was strange.

Jane went to grab the remote control but her eyes fixed upon the book she had set down on the coffee table a while ago. _The Lover_. Retrospectively, Jane thought that many things had changed since she had landed this case. Just because she hadn't been able to solve it didn't mean that it had ceased to have importance. It touched her, on a personal level. Just like this novel.

She grabbed the book with a shaking hand and opened it to the first page.

She had time to read it again, after all. It was still early in the afternoon and she didn't have anything else to do. Perhaps Maura would call her later, once she would check her text messages and read the message Jane had sent her. Perhaps they would spend the night together, or at least a part of the evening.

Yet in the meantime, Jane was left with her loneliness and that odd feeling she didn't manage to properly describe.

The image of Maura's face at the swinger party, of her hazel eyes under her mask. And the lights of the immense room embracing her traits bewitchingly.

Jane didn't want to take part in another party of this kind. However, she was dying to see Maura again. To kiss her face. To brush her hips. Her fingertips burned under the sudden urge. She swallowed hard and tried to focus instead on the Marguerite Duras novel.

She needed Maura. She needed to see her again.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages, I'm really glad to see you're liking this story so far.**

 **Chapter Fifteen**

"You are staring at me."

Maura's comment made Lucy burst out laughing. Her voice rose loudly in the small courtyard of Maura's townhouse and swept away the quietness of a sunny morning. Maura glanced at the guesthouse. Angela was already gone. At least she wouldn't overhear the conversation she was now having with Lucy which was reassuring. There were some things Maura didn't want to share with Jane's mother, obviously.

"I am staring at you because you are in love, Maura Isles." Lucy picked up a strawberry and gave Maura a mischievous wink. She giggled, happily. "And it hasn't happened for a while..."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Maura immediately grabbed her glass of fresh orange juice. She wasn't thirsty, she simply needed to hide her sudden blushing behind something. She glanced at the door that she had left open ajar and thought about her sunglasses she had put down on the kitchen counter. If she had known that the conversation would take such turn then she would have put her sunglasses on to avoid Lucy's eyes. Bad move.

She had spent the evening with Jane. They hadn't jumped on each other though. They had taken their time instead, and they had talked a lot. Jane's two-week suspension weighed on her shoulders. Almost as much as O'Donell's remark. Maura had tried to calm her friend down a bit. Her words had been vain. What Jane needed was pure and bare sexual release.

Every single time.

"Please... It's so obvious!" Lucy adjusted her sunglasses on top of her nose and folded her legs under herself. Maura didn't work this morning and Lucy didn't have to go anywhere. They both had time to speak. "How did it happen? How did you go from being friends to being lovers? These things happen a lot more often than we imagine."

Maura tried to smile but her efforts remained vain. She felt emotionally tired and completely lost. She and Jane were losing control of the situation. It was obvious.

Perhaps talking about her doubts and fears with Lucy would be relieving. Maura knew that her friend wouldn't judge her. She trusted Lucy.

"It just happened." Maura shrugged. She had fantasized about this moment so many times that it was now strange to finally live it for real. The words wouldn't come out. They stayed trapped in her throat and made her feel dizzy. "We were talking and all of a sudden... I don't know. We kissed."

What Maura remembered from that night of March was the mysterious pride she had felt and the sentiment to finally be alive. Reality had hit her like a ton of bricks afterward but since Jane hadn't run away from her then Maura had embraced it with a surge of lightness.

She didn't explain it. She only had facts to talk about, and a whirl of feelings that she didn't know what to do of.

"There's Mateo."

"Oh, please. I'm not stupid, Maura. Mateo's nothing for Jane. The person she spent the evening with is you, and not him. That should tell you something. Mateo is just as unimportant to her as Finn is for you."

"You don't know the real Jane. The one you've seen is different. She was... Something has changed, you know. Jane has changed."

Lucy looked down at her plate. A mysterious smile played on her lips. She let her fingertips brush the edge of the teak table. Slowly. Peacefully.

"We all change when we're in love. Listen..." Lucy leaned over and rested a comforting hand on top of Maura's knee. "I won't be in Boston forever so if the two of you could accept whatever you're feeling before I go, that'd be great. I want to see you happy, Maura. And you're that close to embracing it."

...

Jane sat down on a bench and focused on the Charles River. Jo Friday jumped on her lap and quietly settled there.

She had woken up early and sore. This two-week suspension had a bigger impact on her state of mind than what she would have imagined in the first place. She didn't manage to accept it and yet she knew that she didn't have much of a choice. Bored, she had got up and had spent a couple of hours on her laptop looking for a present. Maura's birthday was coming and Jane still had to buy her friend something.

The last time they had celebrated Maura's birthday, their friendship looked like a friendship and nothing else. This year was the first time that Jane didn't know how to define the bond that deeply linked them.

Life could be strange, sweet and abrupt at the same time. It was the conclusion Jane had come up to after spending too many minutes in the shower. She was thinking about that night of March way too much, today. It haunted her mind and made her heart beat faster because she remembered absolutely every single feeling she had felt by then.

She had seen it as an evidence. The moment her lips had brushed Maura's breasts and her hands had caressed her hips, Jane had realized that it was what she really wanted. Not just with Maura but with her life in general. Perhaps she should talk about years of denial and repression. She honestly didn't know. But the appealing taste of doing something she saw as somehow prohibited had soon turned into an evidence and she couldn't live without it anymore.

The O'Donell incident was just an excuse. She had released her frustration on her colleague instead of dealing with it properly. Cavanaugh was right: it wasn't how it was supposed to work.

"I hate this life."

"Well, you'd better fix it then because you can't get a new one."

The remark caused Jane to jump. She turned her head and stared at the person who had just talked to her. She frowned, confused.

"What are you doing here?"

Frost sat next to Jane on the bench. He was wearing casual clothes, not his usual suit. Jane glanced at their surrounding but there was nobody else to be seen. They were alone by the Charles River, in the first hours of the morning.

"I wanted to have some news... You didn't answer your phone last night and your neighbor told me this morning that you were probably on the esplanade."

Alright.

Jane gave Frost a smile but not a single word passed her lips. She didn't know what to tell him. His visit was unexpected. The thoughts she had had about her and Maura began to vanish as she tried to focus on the time being.

"I don't hate my life that much. You don't have to freak out."

Frost smiled. Jane often wondered why she had landed such a nice work partner. Frost was everything she wasn't: wise, calm and friendly. He was exactly what she needed.

A bit like Maura, except Maura reached a level of dependence in Jane's head that very few people could understand.

"O'Donell is an asshole. Don't waste your time overthinking what you did. To be honest with you, I'm kinda jealous you're the one who hit him because I would have loved doing it myself."

"What? Nah, c'mon. You can't say that." Jane shook her head. "You can't say that because you're Carebear Frostie. And Carebear Frostie doesn't do bad. Unlike me."

Besides, Frost couldn't understand why Jane had had such violent reaction with O'Donell. He didn't know for her and Maura. Nobody knew for them. And if most of the time, the secret nature of this friendship with benefits made Jane happy, she had to admit that it could also make her feel very lonely.

She couldn't talk about it to anyone, not because she was afraid of people's reaction but because she didn't have the courage to put words on her problems.

"You'll be back in no time."

"Hmm."

"Take it as a sign. It's the summer and you've just got handed two weeks of vacation: enjoy them! Go somewhere..."

Jane nodded evasively. She didn't want to leave yet it seemed the best option she had right now. Of course, she hoped that Maura would come with her.

Maura was another source of stress. They hadn't left Boston for a few days since they had begun to sleep together and Jane was afraid that heading to a different place would have an impact on their relationship. What if a new environment suddenly highlighted what she didn't want to see?

It freaked her out.

"I don't really know where to go. I... I don't know." Jane took a deep breath before closing her eyes. The sun was caressing her face, a soft breeze brushed her nape. Her surrounding was peaceful yet she was very nervous herself. "Do you know this feeling, when nothing makes sense anymore and you realize that what you've taken for granted is not?"

"Yes..."

Jane kept her eyes closed. She didn't have the courage it took to look at Frost. A world of darkness was comforting. She bit her lower lip as a wave of regrets rushed throughout her body.

"Well, this is how I feel right now. My life... My life's upside down. I need to come to terms with... With a few things. Things aren't as easy as I thought they were." She could hardly tell Frost more, not because she didn't trust him but because her current state of mind was way too blurry. " _It's not that you have to achieve anything. It's that you have to get away from where you are._ "

A confused smile played on Frost's lips. Obviously Jane's latest remark was a complete mystery to him. Amused and almost serene, Jane shrugged before focusing anew on the Charles River.

"Marguerite Duras: The Lover."


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the messages and reviews (I'll try to take the time to reply to your messages this week).**

 **Chapter Sixteen**

It was hot. Way too hot. Jane didn't like spending the summer in Boston. The air was humid and she could barely breathe. She wasn't made for these two months of high temperatures. She preferred the fall and its beautiful colors to any sunny day of August. The Bostonian summer was unbearable.

"Why won't you turn the AC on?" She followed Maura till the laundry room and pushed the door behind her. "The AC is a blessing."

Maura walked to the shelves where she stocked recyclable paper napkins. Her eyes fixed upon two different sets of napkins. She pouted in front of the different choices she had: colorful napkins probably matched a birthday party a lot better. However, she liked a lot the beige and gray ones. She found them to be elegant.

"AC is evil, Jane. I've already told you why." Maura cast a glance at her friend and waved the paper napkins. "Which ones are the most appropriate?"

Jane shrugged nonchalantly. Her reaction caused Maura to smile. Of course, Jane didn't understand the importance of choosing the best paper napkins. These were just paper napkins to her. As long as they did their job, Jane couldn't care less whether they were gray or purple.

Maura was in a good mood. Today was her birthday and the guests were about to arrive. Jane and Angela had organized a small party at her place which made Maura very happy.

She would spend the day with people she loved, people she considered as family. Her own parents were in Europe but they had called her in the morning. Everything was perfect.

"Dunno... The purple ones?" Jane didn't miss the smile that suddenly played on Maura's lips. "What's funny about that?"

Maura picked up the set of purple paper napkins and observed them closely. She ran a finger along them before laughing quietly.

"Oh, nothing at all. You simply seem to have a thing for the purple color."

Jane didn't need any further explanation for she immediately understood what Maura was talking about. She didn't blush though. As a matter of fact, Maura's remark caused her heart to start beating faster. She made a step towards her friend and let her fingertip brush Maura's bare shoulder playfully.

"Is it what you're wearing now?"

If lingerie had remained a foreign world for years to Jane, she had changed her mind since she had begun to sleep with Maura. Maura loved lingerie. She owned a multitude of bras, hipsters, corsets and garterbelts that all embraced her curves like a second skin. Jane had grown fond of her friend's underwear. She found these to be sensual, and sexy.

The last bra Maura had bought was a purple one and it had gone straight into Jane's top ten. The lace was thin, almost transparent, and delicate. The color contrasted with the paleness of Maura's skin. Jane had been mesmerized by it.

And turned on.

"Well..." Maura put the set of paper napkins back on the shelves. She turned around and looked into Jane's eyes. "There's only one way to find out."

"Do your panties match?"

Maura raised an eyebrow. Her mischievousness caused Jane to swallow hard. They had gone from the most random conversation ever to a game of seduction within a couple of seconds. As usual.

"Who said I was wearing any?" As Jane rolled her eyes, Maura grabbed her friend's hand to rest it between her legs; under her dress. "See? There's only one way to find out."

Jane couldn't but agree.

...

Everything was ready and most of the guests were already there. The only ones who were missing were Jane and Maura. Luckily everyone was chatting and nobody seemed to be in a rush. Happiness reigned over the courtyard. They were here to celebrate a birthday anyway.

And the birthday girl could make them wait a little.

"Do you know where Maura is? Is she getting ready?"

A glass of Champagne in hand, Finn walked to Angela. Mateo followed him. Obviously he was looking for Jane. Both men had been invited to the party in spite of the fragile bond they had built with their respective so-called dates. Maura and Jane had simply felt forced to invite them.

"I guess she went to pick up paper napkins with Jane. They're in the laundry room... First door on your right by the stairs. Would the two of you mind and go tell them everyone's here?"

Angela wanted to enjoy TJ's presence. She wasn't in the mood to chase her daughter and Maura around the house. Besides, Mateo and Finn were Jane and Maura's dates. They could go after both women.

"Oh, sure."

Finn put his glass of Champagne down on the table and walked inside the house with Mateo. They crossed the kitchen and headed straight to the stairs. The house was quiet. The brouhaha of the conversations came from too far in the distance.

They didn't hear anything at first in spite of the relative silence. It is only when they reached the door of the laundry room that had been left open ajar that stifled sighs stopped them. Confused, Finn quietly pushed the door. He froze.

Just like Mateo.

The dress that Maura was wearing was up to her waist, revealing her pale hips to the bright light of the day. Jane was knelt in front of her friend, her face between her legs. With her eyes closed, Maura had leaned against the shelves and held them tightly with a hand while the other was sunk into Jane's curly hair. Her cheeks were red. Her back was arched. Her moans were loud in spite of her efforts to stifle them. She suddenly leaned her head backwards as Jane sped up the pace of her circular movements against her sensitive flesh.

Carried by an extreme confusion and the sentiment to have been betrayed, Mateo and Finn walked back to the courtyard in silence. They mumbled inaudible excuses to Angela and pretended to go on as if nothing had happened. Except they couldn't even look at each other anymore, as if the secret they now shared was too much to handle.

Maura turned out to be the first one to walk to the courtyard, followed by Jane a couple of minutes later. With a confusing casualness. Everyone welcomed the birthday girl happily.

Everyone but Mateo and Finn who were still shocked and silent.

"Is everything alright?"

The question was sincere and terribly innocent. Finn looked at Maura and seemed to hesitate for a few seconds. He glanced at everyone before giving her a nod.

"Happy birthday."

Maura waited for him to kiss her at least on the cheek but nothing happened. He barely brushed her shoulder with his hand then went straight to the buffet for a Champagne refill. Maura smiled to hide better her sudden confusion.

Thankfully the rest of the afternoon went smoothly, from her opening the presents to the cake that impressed a lot TJ. She was glad to have her Sunday off to celebrate her birthday with everyone.

The house turned quiet around 6pm as the last guests left the house.

"Where's Finn? I thought he'd stay with you tonight."

Maura shrugged. Angela's question was fair but Maura hadn't seen him in a while. As a matter of fact, she hadn't seen Mateo either. Yet she knew that Jane had left on her own. Something was off. Maura didn't know what but she could say that something was going on.

"He... He left."

Angela didn't say anything back. She must have felt Maura's uncertainty. She politely put the last paper napkins in the trash can before going back to the guesthouse. Lucy was peacefully working on her laptop in the courtyard.

Intrigued, Maura walked to the kitchen counter and picked up her cell phone. She hesitated between calling Finn and sending him a message. She wasn't being nice to him. Lucy was right. Maura hadn't even tried to spend the afternoon with him. She had talked to everyone but him. Though he was the one who had tried to avoid her at all cost.

She turned her phone on and barely held back an "oh" of surprise as she realized that Finn had sent her a message. She opened it.

 _I don't think it's going to work out. It was nice knowing you, Maura._

 _Finn_

The disappointment she felt barely lasted two seconds and only highlighted a bruised ego. She had been dumped on her birthday. It was embarrassing. Though she hadn't tried to make things work either. She couldn't but admit it.

 _I don't know what to say. I'm sorry._

 _Maura_

Calling Finn would have been a lot more polite but Maura didn't have the courage to speak to him. She barely knew what to write. Their break-up was strange, almost as much as their so-called fling.

 _I don't really understand why you've come to me in the first place if she was already a part of your life but it's okay. I wish you and Jane the best nonetheless._

 _Finn_

Maura's heart began to beat a lot faster. Her hands got moist and her mouth dry. An icy shiver ran down her spine. Feeling dizzy, she leaned against the kitchen counter and took a deep breath to calm down.

She didn't like trusting her instinct but she had to admit that her instinct had been right for once: something had indeed happened. Something important.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews, I really appreciate them.**

 **Chapter Seventeen**

"And... Goodbye, Boston. See you in four days."

Jane tried to sound casual and even cheerful but something in her tone of voice betrayed the latent stress she had felt since Maura's birthday. She glanced at her friend on the passenger seat. Maura had put her sunglasses on and a peaceful smile played on her lips. She looked rather serene, and happy.

Lightness. Jane saw their getaway as a moment of lightness they both needed. It was actually her birthday gift to Maura: five days in Maine, far from the frenzy of Boston and its unbearable temperatures. Just the two of them.

Perhaps this two-week suspension came in handy in the end.

"Please let me know if you want to have a rest. I can drive too."

Maura's offer was nothing but an act of politeness because she knew that Jane preferred to drive. Besides, they weren't going too far. Jane had booked a small house by the sea on Airbnb that was only a few hours away from Boston. Just as planned, Jane shook her head.

"Nah. It's your birthday present so you gotta relax and enjoy the moment. Seize the day!" Jane gave Maura a smile but she remained focused on the road. "You can even take a nap if you want to."

The words burned her lips but Jane didn't dare to ask about Finn. Her mother had told her that he and Maura had broken up just after her birthday. Jane didn't feel sorry but confused. Yet since Maura hadn't alluded to it, then she had preferred to remain quiet over it too. She knew how Maura worked: she wouldn't say a word if she didn't want to.

The truth was that Mateo had distanced himself with Jane too. She had called him twice only to land almost right away on his vocal machine every time. He hadn't called her back. Not yet. She didn't really understand what was happening.

Of course, spending less time with him and more time with Maura was a blessing but she didn't like being between two things without knowing what to expect from both sides. Mateo's silence was strange, and stressing too.

"I'm glad we're going away for a while..."

Maura's soft voice filled the car briefly. It passed underneath Jane's skin before reaching her heart to embrace it lovingly. Seeing Maura happy made her feel happy. Perhaps it was ridiculous but she didn't have a hold over the whole thing.

"Ma' suggested Provincetown but it's... It's too packed at this time of the year."

Jane blushed. Her argument was true yet it wasn't the reason why she hadn't even looked for a room out there. The symbol of Provincetown bothered her. She knew that it was a top destination for same-sex couples and the last thing she wanted was to give fuel to the rumors that were going on at the BPD. Besides, it was cliché. Just because she and Maura slept together didn't mean that they wanted to go to same-sex couples only destinations.

"I love Maine. I couldn't ask for a better place..." Maura hesitated for a few seconds before finally squeezing Jane's knee tightly. She didn't want her friend to misinterpret her gesture. Though she didn't know herself whether it was a friendly one or if it hid something more complex. "Thank you very much, Jane."

...

The house was small but cozy. Perfect. It overlooked the ocean and was located at the end of a small road where very few cars drove by. Maura opened the French windows and walked outside onto the first-floor balcony as soon as their host left the house after a warm welcome. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

The temperatures were high but it wasn't as humid as in Boston. The sea breeze made it bearable, even pleasant. She turned her head to look at Jane and flashed her friend a bright smile.

"You know, I may never feel like coming back to Boston after these four days we're about to spend here... It's such a gorgeous little town. I love it!"

Against all expectations, the city girl Jane was enjoyed the charms of the town very much as well. She had just sent a text message to her mother in order to let her know that they had made it to their destination safe and sound. Their getaway could now start.

Except Jane didn't know what to do.

A part of her wanted to undress Maura, to plant endless kisses on her skin and to carry her to the king-size bed of the master bedroom to have sex for the next hours or so. But another part of her was hoping for something quieter and sweeter. Something that wasn't lustful.

She simply wanted to go for a stroll on the beach and perhaps, if she felt confident enough, then she would hold Maura's hand tightly.

From what she had seen as they had driven by the beach, only a few families were there. The town was intimate enough, perfect for the long and quiet weekend Jane wanted to have with her friend.

"I'm sorry I took you away from Mateo."

Maura's remark took Jane aback. She had thought about him and Finn since the moment they had left Boston but she had preferred to not mention any of them to Maura. The circumstances were different now, though.

"I'm sorry for you and Finn. Ma' told me about it."

"Oh." Maura nodded but she remained focused on the ribbon of blue that spread in front of her. She wasn't angry. As a matter of fact, she couldn't care less if Angela had told Jane about her breakup with Finn. "It's okay... I'm fine."

Jane swallowed hard. Her hands were moist and her heart was beating fast. She walked to the end of the balcony and mirrored Maura. She stared at the ocean in front of her. Peacefully.

"Really?"

"Yes." Maura didn't show any sign of hesitation. She replied immediately, with a very clear confidence. She couldn't lie anyway. "He was just a fling, a stupid fling. I don't even know why we started dating."

However, she still didn't understand what had pushed him to break up with her nor why he had alluded to her and Jane in such terms. Maura hadn't forgotten about his text message. She had deleted it though, too afraid of the possibility a third party may find it. She didn't know how he had managed to guess that the friendship she shared with Jane wasn't a classic one. Lucy hadn't told him about it either. It didn't make sense.

"If we're being honest..." Jane sighed loudly. "I don't think it'll work out with Mateo either. I don't feel it. Do you see what I mean?"

Maura turned her head slowly. She looked at Jane then nodded.

"I do." She ran her tongue over her lips and hesitated for a while before finally giving in. She walked to Jane and rested a hand on top of her friend's shoulder. Jane hadn't moved an inch. She was still deeply focused on the ocean and the waves that kept on crashing below. "You don't have to force yourself, Jane."

The kiss Maura planted on top of Jane's shoulder turned out to be very quiet. However the touch burned Jane's skin. It made her heart beat faster and her cheeks redden.

They rarely showed such display of affection, even in private. They didn't kiss, they didn't hold hands and they barely hugged. They had never liked all these gestures. Yet it had felt right to Maura, this time. She had wanted to kiss Jane's shoulder.

"So it's just the two of us... What do you wanna do?"

Jane's lack of transition felt like a betrayal but she didn't see herself allude to the ephemeral kiss Maura had just given her. Besides, she didn't know what to say about it.

Maura shrugged. A gust of wind caused her hair to dance wildly around her face. Jane held back a smile. It was in these moments she loved Maura the most, when her friend let go of everything and accepted life the way it happened to be. Maura was makeup free and her hair a bit messy from the drive. The ocean breeze added a natural touch to the whole.

It's when Jane realized that, no matter what would happen next, she would never forget these few days in Maine. They would get engraved in her heart for the rest of her life because of the feelings they would have stirred up.

Untold feelings.

"Perhaps we could go explore the area a little bit. What do you think?"

The fact Maura didn't want to have sex oddly reassured Jane. They were on the same page. Of course, they didn't jump on each other every single time they were left alone but the closeness of a bed often resulted enough to drag them to more primary and carnal desires.

"Sounds perfect to me. I need to walk a little after all this driving anyway! Hannah said the fridge was full but nothing prevents us from going to the restaurant tonight. Oh and by the way: you're my guest so... It's all on me."

"Really...?"

Jane nodded and before Maura had a chance to say anything back, she grabbed her friend's hand to lead her downstairs to the main room. They picked up their phones and belongings then left.

Hand in hand.


	19. Chapter Eighteen

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all your reviews and messages; these chapters in Maine are transitional ones so they're sweet and rather eventless (the calm before the storm, somehow) so if you think it's going slow, don't be worried, it won't last.**

 **Chapter Eighteen**

Maura woke up to the sound of the ocean and to the heat of Jane's body against hers. She opened her eyes slowly and observed her friend in silence. Jane was still asleep in spite of the daylight that pierced through the beige curtains. She must have been tired.

They hadn't gone to bed very late the night before. They had had dinner at a small restaurat in town, by the beach, before walking back to the house holding hands. Then they had talked for a while and had gone to bed.

Being far from Boston was liberating. They allowed themselves to a way of life that they usually tried to escape. Against all expectations, this shift had happened rather naturally and neither of them had questioned it. On the contrary even. They had embraced it fully with the delicacy of something new and sweet. The feeling was nice, comforting.

"You're staring at me. It's creepy."

Maura jumped. She had honestly assumed that Jane was still sleeping. Yet the remark had just proved her that she was wrong. She frowned as her lips curled up in an amused smile. She often wondered how people knew that others stared at them if they kept their eyes closed. It was a complete mystery to her.

She slid a leg between Jane's and cuddled against her. Her lips brushed her friend's shoulder. The gesture was sweet, and tender. For once Maura didn't try to be sensual nor direct or suggestive. She simply wanted to enjoy the quietness of the morning in Jane's arms knowing that nobody was waiting for them somewhere. They had all the time in the world, and a lot of free space for themselves.

She rested her hand on top of Jane's lower stomach then closed her eyes anew. The sound of the waves crashing on the beach rocked her to sleep.

"You're beautiful, Jane. That's why I was looking at you."

Of course, the only reaction Maura got from Jane turned out to be a laugh. Jane didn't like getting complimented. She didn't know what to do nor what to say before compliments. Thus she always ended up hiding behing a curtain of humor to run away from reality better. It didn't fool Maura, though she didn't insist either and let it go instead.

They hadn't had sex yet. Maura bit her lower lip as it hit her. She hadn't accepted to be part of this getaway just to get intimate with Jane but the usual frequency of their encounters was such that it surprised her neither of them had even tried to start the slightest thing yet. Perhaps they needed some more time. Enjoying the serenity of the place was their top priority for the moment.

Their display of affection was at its maximum though. As far as Maura could remember, she and Jane had never cuddled in bed.

Jane took a deep breath. The smell of Maura's shampoo went to her head bewitchingly.

"What would you like to do, today?"

Jane's voice was particularly hoarse this morning. Maura assumed that her friend was really tired and that she probably needed some more hours of sleep. The last few weeks had been stress inducing, after all. The tension that had built needed to go away little by little.

The unsolved Marguerite Duras case. Finn and Mateo. It was a lot to handle.

"Nothing."

This time Maura got a proper reaction. Jane opened her eyes and looked at her as if she had lost her mind or had just talked to her in some weird, unknown language. Maura laughed lightly. She was in a good mood. At peace.

Jane leaned up on her elbow and yawned.

"What do you mean 'nothing'? You, Maura Isles, don't wanna do anything?"

Maura shrugged. She didn't understand Jane's remark nor why it seemed strange that she didn't want to make the mere plan. She sat up in bed, reluctantly. She already missed Jane's body heat against her.

"By 'nothing', I mean 'nothing'. It's good to do nothing at times, Jane. It's relaxing."

"Yeah I know that but... You always plan everything. You don't have to do that just to please me, you know. It's your birthday weekend. We'll do what you wanna do."

Jane's cell phone vibrated on the bedside table. She picked it up without even looking at the screen. She was focused on Maura and their unusual conversation.

Maura remained quiet. She honestly didn't know what to say. She wanted to do absolutely nothing apart from staying in Jane's arms and letting the hours pass by. She didn't want to move an inch. She didn't even want to make love. She simply wanted to feel Jane's breath against her skin and enjoy the mysterious easiness of their bond.

Landing in the same bed as Jane's had never been issue for neither of them. They hadn't felt ashamed nor embarrassed the first time they had slept together. Even once the frenzy of the moment had vanished. Lying naked next to each other had been just fine, and easy. This was something that impressed Maura because she would have never imagined it could happen to her one day.

Even less with Jane.

She had always felt comfortable with her sexual partners but none of them had been a friend for so many years before anything to happen. What she lived with Jane was unique and different.

"If by doing nothing you mean staying in bed..." Jane laughed. "Then you can be clear, Maura. Just say you want to do me. I won't take it bad. I've never taken it bad until now."

" _Badly_. You've never taken it _badly_."

"Hmm, yeah."

But it wasn't even sex Maura wanted. Of course, she wouldn't have said no to Jane if Jane had initiated something but the truth was that Maura wanted something that was a lot simpler.

She was about to say something back when she noticed Jane's worried face. Jane had just checked something on her cell phone, probably the text message that she had got.

"Is everything okay?"

The question was rhetorical but Maura didn't know what else to say. Of course, everything wasn't okay or else Jane would have looked a lot more relaxed.

"It's Frost. They think they've found the murderer of the Marguerite Duras case. It's a woman. She'd have killed herself, apparently."

...

It wasn't how Maura had imagined their weekend to go but at least she was glad to learn that they didn't have to go back to Boston. Jane had called Frost and she had talked to Cavanaugh as well. She was still suspended and thus couldn't work on the case. Of course, she hadn't liked it at all but as she had seen Maura walk past her half-naked and fresh from her shower, she had lost focus within a second. Case closed; or at least for the moment.

"I'm sorry."

Sitting on the couch of the living-room, Maura looked up from the magazine she was reading. She didn't understand Jane's apologies.

"What do you mean?"

"The phone call, all that shit. I'm sorry. I didn't want to bring work up here. It's not what I had planned for us."

 _Us._

The use made them both blush. The pace of their bond was completely different in Maine. There was this sexual tension that was typical of whatever they had been living since March but something else softened their interactions. Something they couldn't name.

Perhaps it wouldn't last long. Perhaps once they would get used to their surroundings, they would jump on each other and get undressed before succumbing to tantalizing caresses again.

Perhaps.

"Don't be ridiculous, Jane. Frost did well to send you this text message, just as you did well to call him." Maura ran her tongue over her lips. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Jane shook her head vehemently. Her lack of hesitation highlighted her self-confidence. She went to sit down next to Maura on the couch.

"It's not how I thought things would go."

Maura set her magazine down on the couch. The whispered words that had just passed Jane's lips had piqued her curiosity. A tiny flame of hope had also risen within her soul which made her heart beat faster, a lot faster.

"And how did you think they would go?"

Jane took her time. She pounded the words, and the feelings that were storming in her heart. She wanted to be honest with Maura because she knew that their weekend depended on her sincerity. Besides, she had no reason to lie. Maura's question was fair and Jane wanted to be just as fair in return.

"A lot darker." Jane cupped her friend's face with her hand. She leaned over to kiss Maura on the lips. Fully. Sweetly. "But I like it better the way it is."

Neither of them could remember the last time they had kissed without engaging into sex just after. As a matter of fact, they weren't sure that it had ever happened.

They cuddled on the couch without saying a word, carried by the odd sensation that Jane's kiss had stirred up. A warm sensation. Unique.


	20. Chapter Nineteen

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all your reviews and messages (it won't be a huge storm, don't be worrried; I mean I don't think it will).**

 **Chapter Nineteen**

Lying flat on her stomach, Jane picked up a shell and observed it. She and Maura had gone to the beach for a large part of the afternoon. They had sunbathed, had gone for a swim on multiple occasions and had let the hours pass by quietly.

It is Maura who had decided to start picking up shells in the late afternoon, twenty minutes before them to head back to their little house. As a souvenir, she had said. Now lying on top of the bed, Jane observed the white shells her friend had chosen. They were quite random for anyone who used to go to the seaside. Jane didn't know why Maura had absolutely wanted to bring them back with her.

"What are you going to do with them?" Jane laughed. "A necklace?"

Jane looked up and watched how Maura walked into the master bedroom. She was wrapped in a white bath towel and was fresh from the shower. Her hair was still tied up in a loose bun while a few water drops that hadn't dried yet shone like little diamonds on her bare shoulders.

She glanced at Jane before sitting down on a whicker armchair to apply body lotion on her legs.

"Nothing. I may simply leave them on my bedside table... Thus when I look at them, I will remember our vacations in Maine."

The sun was sliding on the ocean. It had lost its bright colors and had begun to melt into orange and pink shades. Jane didn't say it out loud but she found Maura stunning in the sunset light. Her friend was glowing and her hazel eyes seemed to be sparkling with delight.

"Come over here."

Jane stretched her arm towards Maura. The way she had asked Maura to come to the bed had been full of a delicate sweetness. Jane set the shells down on the hardwood floor and flashed a bright smile as her friend came to settle next to her.

"Here."

Maura held out the body lotion to Jane before lying flat on her stomach. She had previously got rid of the bath towel in the most natural way ever. Maura's sudden nudity didn't make Jane blush. It didn't make her feel uncomfortable either.

She knew Maura's body by heart. She had caressed it and had kissed it more times than she could remember. She knew its curves, the smoothness of the skin. Maura's reaction when Jane planted kisses in the crook of her neck. They had only started sleeping together six months earlier but it felt like an eternity. A glorious one.

Jane began to rub Maura's back. Slowly. They didn't have much of a plan for the rest of the evening. Perhaps they would stay home, and in bed. Unless they decided to go for a walk again.

Maura closed her eyes and focused on the touch, on Jane's fingertips that were sliding up and down her skin. She swallowed hard as her friend reached her lower back. Jane's gestures were anything but innocent now. They may be sweet, they were still rather suggestive.

A smile played on Maura's lips.

It was the right time. They had waited for a while and they now wanted it. There had been no rush since they had made it to Maine. Everything had been perfect.

Jane noticed how Maura spread her legs slightly. Her face remained impassive though. She wanted her gesture to look casual, and unintentional. It made Jane smile. She leaned over to brush her friend's ear with her lips. The tip of her tongue caressed Maura's earlobe.

There was nobody susceptible to walk in on them. Nobody to fear. They were only a few hours away from Boston but Maine seemed to belong to a completely different universe. Jane loved it.

She resumed her kissing down Maura's nape. Her hands were now traveling down her friend's hips. Maura's body was hot under Jane's fingers. And smooth. The curves of Maura's buttocks caused a wave of warmth to spread within Jane's lower stomach. She didn't understand how this could happen. How Maura could turn her on without doing the slightest thing. It worked every single time though.

Jane took her shirt off. She unhooked her bikini top and got rid of the shorts she was wearing. During all that time, Maura remained quiet and still. She patiently waited for Jane's next move.

Jane could have slid a hand between Maura's legs. She could have topped her friend from behind in order to control everything. Yet against all expectations, she lay down next to Maura and grabbed her by the waist to make her roll on her side so they could face each other.

The ocean was loud. They had let the French windows open and the sound of the waves invaded the house now.

Jane caressed Maura's cheek with the back of her hand. The moment was sweet and it went at a delicious slow pace. It had nothing to do with the frenzy of their sexual encounters in Boston. As a matter of fact, it was so different that what was about to happen oddly looked like a first time.

Jane's fingers slid along Maura's nape until they sank in the depth of her blond hair. She leaned over and closed the distance with Maura's lips. The touch burned. Sweetly. Lovingly. They had kissed a multitude of times but the current sensations that the kiss stirred up were new and a lot more powerful.

The tip of Maura's tongue barely brushed Jane's lips before her friend responded to the gesture and deepened the kiss.

Maura's gasp died in her throat. She abandoned herself to the moment, to the glory of Jane's embrace. To all these feelings that had passed underneath her skin to make her feel even more alive and loved.

...

The Italian fair was random. Since Angela had moved to Beacon Hill, she had got the habit to buy her Italian products in the neighborhood. Thus the only reason why she had decided to go to the Italian fair on this hot evening was only to catch back on the latest gossip of her old neighborhood.

She knew everyone there, from Maria who had married an Irish guy in the fifties to Paolo who was the grandson of the best pizza chef of the area.

"Hey! Watch out."

Angela winced in pain and rubbed her shoulder as she looked up at the passer-by who had inadvertently pushed her. Her eyes widened with surprise as she found herself standing in front of Mateo. She hadn't heard from him in a while. As a matter of fact, Jane hadn't talked about him since Maura's birthday.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Angela. Are you okay?"

Angela nodded. Mateo was a good boy. He was polite and caring. The perfect husband for her daughter. He was divorced but then one couldn't be too picky. Once you reached forty years old, chances were that these things would happen. He didn't have children though.

"Mateo! It's good to see you. How are you?"

Mateo shrugged rather nonchalantly. He looked a bit unsure, even afraid. He cast a glance around him as if to make sure that nobody would overhear whatever he was about to say. He then focused back on Angela.

"I'm okay... You?"

Angela forced herself to smile. The conversation was dull and it sounded fake. Perhaps Mateo was in a bad mood. He used to be chatty and joyful. She suddenly noticed the depth of his traits and how his lips were pursed. Whatever was going on, he was obviously going through a bad patch.

"I'm ahem... I'm fine. I've got the house to myself and Lucy. Maura has left with Jane for Maine. They'll stay there for a few days but of course you already know about it."

Of course, Mateo knew about Jane and Maura's plans to leave Boston for a while since Jane had offered the getaway to Maura on her birthday. She had simply held out a postcard from Maine by then but after an explanation, all the guests had got to know what her birthday present was. Mateo too.

"Obviously."

"Jane must have called you anyway to let you know about it. I hope you'll see each other some more when she's back."

The silence that followed Angela's remark made the temperatures of evening drop rather abruptly. Confusion invaded Angela. She didn't understand what was happening. She was trying to be chatty and to sound cheerful but the more she talked, the less Mateo seemed to feel like cooperating.

"I don't think I'm still in the picture, to be honest. I mean I don't think I've ever been in it."

Angela frowned. She didn't know that Mateo and Jane had argued. Though it made sense and it surely explained plenty of things now that she thought about it.

"What do you mean? Has Jane told you something? She has her little temper, you know. It's okay though. Give her a few days. It'll pass."

Mateo shook his head and let a sarcastic laugh pass his lips. Disappointment and bitterness rose in his voice.

"I'm not what Jane's lookin' for. Your daughter may be nice, Angela, but she's..." Mateo ran a hand through his hair. He seemed to be embarrassed suddenly. "She fooled me."


	21. Chapter Twenty

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for the reviews and for the birthday wishes. I'm glad to see you're still enjoying this story.**

 **Chapter Twenty**

Maura smiled as the tip of her tongue brushed Jane's hard nipple. Her fingers left the heat of her friend's core for the comfort of her waist. She held Jane thightly before finally capturing her lips again in a deep kiss. Jane was hers. At this exact moment, nothing else mattered. Maura's sweet authority echoed the fast beats of her heart and an arousal that didn't seem to be about to subdue. Breathless, Maura rolled on her side and planted a last kiss on Jane's shoulder before holding back words that she couldn't say now.

 _I love you._

Besides, she wasn't sure that she would mean it. Perhaps it was a thing she felt on the moment, because she had just given pleasure to Jane and that the satisfaction was immense.

Unless she was just scared.

She liked making love in the morning. There was something warm and tender about it. Perfect. Maura cast a glance at Jane who was slowly coming back to reality and she began to caress her friend's lower stomach absentmindedly. Jane's skin was hot. The touch made her shiver.

Maura had no idea how many sexual encounters she and Jane had had since that night of March. Many of them had been intense, and rather unforgettable. However the past hours went beyond her craziest fantasies. Just when she thought that it couldn't get any stronger, life proved her that she and Jane could go further in their emotional bond. Because it was exactly what was going on: emotions were going freely between the two of them now which brought a brand new intensity to the mere caress, to the mere kiss.

"I don't want to go back to Boston."

The sincerity that showed in Maura's voice caused Jane to properly look at her friend. She frowned, confused and a little worried.

"What do you mean?"

Maura loved Boston. Of all the cities she had visited and lived in, Boston was her favorite. That was even the reason why she had decided to settle there in the first place. She loved Massachusetts. She loved Beacon Hill.

"I want to stay here. I want to buy a house by the ocean and spend the rest of my life admiring the view, feeling the sea breeze fill my lungs every morning."

Of course, Jane knew that Maura was only talking about a fantasy but the strength that rose from her words clearly betrayed a real desire to make it come true. One day. It left Jane perplexed. Unlike Maura, she rarely thought about the future because she found it to be scaring. Intimidating. She tried to focus on the time being instead. Thus it had never crossed her mind that, one day, she and Maura wouldn't be working in the same building anymore.

The thought tightened her heart.

"Who will make me play 'let's guess what's in the stomach' if you leave?"

It was the only way Jane had found to let Maura understand that she didn't want her friend to leave. The mere distance between the two of them was something that Jane couldn't cope with. She didn't even want to think about such possibility.

"I will invent new games for you."

Jane rolled on her side to face Maura. Her heart was beating fast, too fast, but she needed to see her friend's eyes. Their morning conversation was taking an unexpected turn. Jane swallowed hard.

"So I am in the picture?"

Maura mirrored Jane. She looked into her friend's dark eyes and enjoyed the warmth stirred up by her sudden, peaceful smile.

"You've always been in the picture. Always..."

...

 _Everything's okay. Bass is eating well. Have fun in Maine._

 _Lucy_

Maura read the text message for the hundredth time. She pouted. Something was off, she could feel it. As much as she didn't like trusting her instinct, she found Lucy's messages different from the ones her friend usually sent her.

 _Perfect. Please say hi to Angela for me._

 _Maura_

Angela had been very quiet too. She hadn't tried to reach her nor Jane in any way since the day before. Jane didn't seem to have noticed it but Maura had and she didn't know what to think about it. Angela always sent a zillion text messages to her children when they left on vacations and that she stayed in Boston. Her sudden silence was out of character.

"C'mon, Maura!"

Maura looked up from her cell phone. Jane was in the waters. She waited more or less patiently for Maura to join her for a late morning swim.

It was exactly how vacations were supposed to go. Sunny mornings and the sensation we have all the time in our life to enjoy our significant other.

Maura gave Jane a nod. She threw her electronic device back into her beach bag then walked to the ocean. She shouldn't be thinking about Boston. Not now. Perhaps she was simply overthinking something that didn't even exist. It was just a text message. Lucy and Angela were probably busy. They would have told her if something had really happened.

At least Maura had had no issue to put her job aside, this time. She hadn't called the morgue once. Susie Chang had sent her an email to let her know that everything was alright and Maura hadn't tried to reach her assistant afterward. For the workaholic Maura was, her attitude showed positive improvment. The easiness she showed was even surprising.

"Jeez, what are you doing? I know we haven't planned anything so far but hurry up and get in the waters, Maura!"

Maura's ankles had vanished under the water but unlike Jane who hadn't lost time, she had stopped to carefully splash her shoulders and lower stomach.

"One word, Jane: hydrocution."

Jane rolled her eyes. Of course, Maura would be extra-careful even when on vacations. Jane lay on her back and began to float peacefully. The sun was high in the sky, it warmed up her skin lovingly.

They had the beach for them, this morning. Or at least the portion in front of their house. It was perfect. Most of people stuck to the area that was closer to the pier and to the small boutiques and restaurants. Their area was further down the main road of the small town. It was quiet and intimate.

"There I am."

Maura swam till Jane. Her lips had curled up in a smile of satisfaction. She lay on her back, just like Jane, and stared at the cloudless sky.

"It's the best morning I've had in a long while."

The words slid on Jane's lips. They hit the air with a sudden timidity. Maura laughed quietly, sweetly.

"Because you're swimming in the ocean or because we had sex earlier on?"

Jane smiled. She closed the distance that separated her from Maura and grabbed her friend by the waist to make her settle in her arms. Up on her feet. They still could touch the bottom of the beach for they hadn't swam very far yet.

"Because I'm with you."

Jane hadn't forgotten what Maura had told her after they had made love. The 'always' kept on dancing in her head. It was a confession in disguise, Jane knew it. Though it had taken her aback and she hadn't known what to say in return.

She leaned over and kissed Maura on the lips. This getaway was too perfect to be true. Jane was afraid that something was going to happen because it always did. She knew it. Reality would hit them hard, at the least expected moment.

Without any warning, Maura wrapped her legs around Jane's waist. Surprised by the sudden gesture, Jane lost her balance. She fell in the water along with Maura.

Maura burst out laughing as she emerged anew.

"That only works in the movies..." She shook her head apologetically before swimming till Jane. "I'm sorry."

Jane was just as amused as Maura was. She was in a good mood. The moment they had left Boston, she had felt light. Somehow she wished Maura's fantasy could turn out to be true. Perhaps she had had enough of Boston, of the BPD too. Perhaps it was time for her to write a new page of her life, to set a new beginning.

As long as Maura was by her side, Jane knew that she could do anything.

"All we need is a little bit of practice." Jane winked. "Are you ready?"

Maura gave her friend a nod and they both began to swim further in the ocean. Quietly. Something was happening. Jane could feel it. She didn't have what it took to properly put words on it but she softened to the idea. She even succumbed to it.

And she was confident because she saw that Maura felt the same about it.

"What would we do if we moved to Maine?"

It was a bit strange to suddenly resume the conversation they had had in bed, even more without the mere transition, but Jane had felt the urge to talk about it again. Maura shrugged, nonetheless focused on her swimming.

"We'd make love, and go for a swim. We'd go for a stroll in the evening... We'd live." She swallowed hard as reality passed underneath her skin. "And we'd be so happy."


	22. Chapter Twenty-One

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages / merci beaucoup !**

 **Chapter Twenty-One**

Jane looked at her plate and barely held back a sigh. She wasn't hungry. The food looked good but the lump that had formed in her throat made it hard for her to swallow the slightest thing. Besides, she felt nauseous and anxious. They were leaving. Their vacations in Maine were already coming to an end yet neither of them wanted to go back to Boston.

Perhaps they were simply trying to run away from their responsibilities – to run away from their life – but it surely weighed a lot on their respective hearts.

They had barely talked in the morning. They had packed in silence before going for a last stroll in town. Then they had left, way too easily. Way too quickly.

Jane had come to this place in order to find quietness, a serenity that she desperately needed. Now she could say that she had found a lot more than just this. She could even put words on it. She didn't dare to because she didn't know whether it was something that Maura wanted to hear. Not just yet. Jane saw that Maura was on the same page but perhaps it was a bit too early.

"We'll come back. I could even buy a house in the area... A small one, by the ocean."

Maura's fragile voice barely hit the air. Jane heard what her friend said just because she was focused on her. Or else the music that was playing the background would have swallowed Maura's whisper.

Jane gave Maura a nod. The truth was that she didn't know whether she was sad because they were leaving a charming seaside town or because what going back to Boston implied. She liked her job at the BPD, she was even very proud of having joined the homicide unit. Besides, everyone was there: her relatives, her friends. Her colleagues. Her whole life. It wasn't something Jane wanted to leave behind. Yet today all of this sounded a lot less appealing.

 _Good things must come to an end_. She tried to repeat it to herself over and over but it didn't work much. She didn't want their vacations to come to an end. She didn't want to go back to her Back Bay apartment. She didn't want to fool everyone again.

"I don't want you to see anyone else."

Maura stopped eating. Jane's comment had completely taken her aback. She was just as sad as her friend was to leave Maine but she desperately tried to sound cheerful and hopeful because she didn't want the bitterness of the day to drag them down. Thus she made an effort. Desperately.

Jane's remark stopped her in her tracks though.

"What do you mean?"

Jane shrugged. She avoided Maura's eyes at all cost. A bit cowardly, she began to observe the coming and going outside, by the window. Sadly nothing relevant was happening and she lost interest in it rather quickly.

She didn't know why she had dared to let her heart speak for her. She hadn't even seen it come. The words had passed her lips with a complete freedom. She frowned as confusion passed underneath her skin. She had to assume what she had just said, not only because it was true but because she had to face her responsibilities. And her needs.

"I don't want you to see anyone else. I don't like it. I want us to be exclusive."

It wasn't the right time to talk about it. They were sitting in a restaurant and even if the room wasn't full, they weren't alone nonetheless. They didn't have the intimacy such conversation required in the first place.

"Oh."

 _Oh_? Jane finally ignored the fast beats of her heart to look Maura straight in the eyes. She meant what she had just said. As a matter of fact, it was the biggest commitment she had ever made in here entire life. She would fight for it if she had to. Because it was Maura.

And she would do anything for Maura.

"It hurts when you're on a date with someone else. I know it's not what we had wanted in the first place but... But things have changed. I can't control them. It just happened... It's just happening. Do you want it too?"

Of course, Jane would not force Maura into anything. However, she knew that the answer her friend would give her would probably determine the rest of her life. How strange that it had to happen in the most impersonal place in the world. A random cafe in a town which name she ignored. They were still in Maine. It was the only thing Jane knew for sure.

The waitress offered them a coffee refill but Jane was too focused on the conversation to even bother a nod. She didn't want to drink. She wanted Maura to give her her opinion on the most important decision Jane was eager to take.

Jane had been impulsive but in the sweetest way ever. She hadn't yelled, she hadn't had any outburst. She had been direct instead. Direct but shy.

"Are you asking me..." Maura ran her tongue over her lips. Her mouth was dry and her hands were shaking. "Are you asking me to be in a relationship with you?"

The phrasing was unusual but Jane simply assumed that it was exactly how things had to go. As a matter of fact, it sounded like Maura. _Her_ Maura. Thus she gave her a nod. A quiet one.

"Would you like it as much as I would?"

...

Jane stopped the car right in front of the door of Maura's house. They had made it to Boston on time though the blue sky of Maine had melted into shades of gray as they had reached Massachusetts.

"There you go."

Maura looked at her house. She then gave Jane a nod before grabbing her bag. The moment was strange and somehow delicate. They had barely talked during their journey back to Massachusetts. Words hadn't been needed at all.

"Yes... There I go."

 _Will I see you tomorrow?_ The question was too ridiculous for Maura to ask it out loud. Jane still had a few days off because of her suspension but it had never been an issue for them to see each other.

Maura turned around to look at Jane. Almost timidly. She knew what was coming because she wanted it. It was clear in her head, just as clear as the answer she had given Jane at the cafe. She hadn't even needed to think about it.

She leaned over and captured Jane's lips in a long kiss. A warm, comforting one. Maura's fingers slid along Jane's nape as she tried to pull her closer to her body. There was nothing shy about their kiss but the moment was important and symbolical. They had ceased to be friends with benefits. They were now in a romantic relationship.

"Have a good evening."

Maura got out of the car. She took her suitcase out of the trunk and waved at Jane before walking towards her house. It was still quite early in the day. That was the reason why she hadn't hesitated and had kissed Jane fully on the lips. She knew that nobody would have walked in on them.

Perhaps it was exaggerated but they wanted to have some time for themselves before telling anyone anything. They didn't need to try out their relationship as they knew that it would work out but a sweet selfishness pushed them to take their time. It was their life, after all. Their relationship. Their decisions.

"Angela... How are you?"

Maura hadn't thought that she would come across Angela first thing in the afternoon. She gave Jane's mother a smile then set her suitcase in a corner to pat Bass' shell. She was glad to see her tortoise again but the only thing she could think about was the moment Jane had asked her to be in a relationship with her.

It was the sweetest moment Maura had ever experienced in her life. She hadn't cried but it had tightened her heart nonetheless. The 'yes' she had then whispered had melted into an ocean of smiles.

Unaware of Angela's silence, Maura walked to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water. She was thirsty, and a bit tired.

"Jane decided to go back to her place right away. She wanted to see Jo Friday. What a lovely time we had in Maine. Have you ever been there? You would really love it. You know how much I love Boston but Maine... Maine is breathtaking. And so peaceful..."

Against all expectations, Maura was rather chatty. And terribly joyful. The words were sliding on her lips with an easiness that she saw as completely unusual.

She felt light, and happy.

Everything finally made sense in her life. Since she had told Jane that she wanted more than this friendship with benefits, a weight had vanished from her shoulders and whatever piece was missing to her very own jigsaw puzzle had finally be found. She knew that Jane was the one. She could feel it, deep inside her heart.

As a matter of fact, she had always known it.

"Do you sleep with my daughter?"

The question put an abrupt end to Maura's joyful thoughts. Her hand tightened its grip on the glass she was holding. There was no anger in Angela's voice. The question had been bare, and neutral. Maura swallowed hard. She hadn't seen it come though.


	23. Chapter Twenty-Two

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages, I'm glad to see you're still enjoying it while we're about to reach 25 chapters (which means it's quite a long story).**

 **Chapter Twenty-Two**

Boston looked a bit quieter in the shadows of the trees. Jane lay down in the grass and stared at the blue sky in silence. She had picked Maura up for a lunch in the park. The weather was perfect for an hour outside and as far from the BPD and the morgue as they could be.

Earlier in the morning, Jane had hesitated for long minutes before sending Maura a text message in order to ask her whether she wanted them to have lunch together. Jane didn't want to sound clingy. She knew how Maura needed her independence to feel fine. As a matter of fact, Jane was alike.

Their respective tempers hadn't changed. Nothing had changed. They had come back from Maine the day before and the world hadn't stopped turning in spite of the decision they had taken together. Life was going on, more or less peacefully. Just as it had to be.

"Are you going to the BPD this afternoon to talk with Barry?"

Jane shook her head but she didn't look at Maura who had laid down in the grass a few minutes before her to do the same. She was dying to catch back on the Marguerite Duras case but Cavanaugh had made clear that she didn't have to come to work during her suspension time. She had to respect her boss' decision. The incident with O'Donell had seriously damaged her reputation. Keeping a low profile was paramount if she didn't want to face any more trouble.

"Nah. Have you seen him?" Jane glanced at Maura. Her friend shook her head. "I think I'll go see ma' instead. She hasn't seen me in almost a week. It's a lot for her."

Maura got tense as Jane mentioned her mother. She pursed her lips but tried to remain as cool and casual as she could. It wasn't easy though. Not after the conversation she had had with Angela the day before.

"Hmm."

Angela had been very direct in her question. She had taken Maura aback. However, Maura had quickly noticed that Jane's mother was fine with the idea of a relationship. She simply felt betrayed by her daughter which upset her quite a bit. Guilt had invaded Maura almost immediately, because of Angela's feelings and because she had had no choice but to confirm something that she and Jane wanted to keep private in the first place. It wasn't her fault though. She couldn't lie.

However, she didn't dare to say anything to Jane now. She felt bad, too bad.

"Did she like the vase you've bought her?" Jane was completely unaware of Maura's sudden discomfort. She was focused on a small cloud instead and kept on wondering what it looked like. It was a game she loved playing as a child and all she could think about right now was whether Maura had played it too. "You didn't have to buy her anything, you know."

"Jane..."

Maura rolled on her side to face her friend. The words were brushing her lips. All she had to do was to let them come out. Jane turned her head to look at her. She flashed her a bright smile. A sweet one.

"Yeah?"

The ringing tone of Maura's cell phone put an abrupt end to the semblance of confession Maura was about to make. She reluctantly grabbed the device and checked the message. What she wanted to say to Jane was hard enough like that. The last thing she needed was life to put more obstacles between her and her friend.

Her _partner_ , as a matter of fact. It was now more appropriate even if they hadn't defined anything yet. Or at least not really. All Maura knew was that they now were in an exclusive relationship.

"Oh... My 2pm appointment is apparently ahead of time." Maura gave Jane an apologetic smile. "I can't stay for very long, I'm sorry."

"That's okay. I understand, don't be worried."

Jane grabbed Maura's hand to squeeze it tightly. They had spent forty minutes together already. It was a lot more than what they could hope for when Jane happened to work. Forty minutes in the heart of a park, in the shadows of old trees. Jane couldn't have asked for a better lunch break.

Maura leaned over and planted a timid kiss at the corner of her lips. The unexpected gesture caused Jane to blush slightly. They had never kissed in public, or at least certainly not at 1.20pm in a park. Jane assumed that it was the reason why Maura had opted for a chaste kiss instead, a subtle one.

Their bond looked different now. If nothing else had changed, Jane could feel how the pace of their relationship wasn't the same anymore. It was sweeter and more peaceful. Though Jane didn't know what to do of it. It was a detail that hadn't crossed her mind when she had asked Maura whether she wanted to be in an exclusive relationship. She had genuinely thought that it wouldn't have an impact on their dynamic. But within twenty-four hours, everything Jane had got used to since March had disappeared.

And she now felt awkward.

She didn't regret the decision they had taken. On the contrary. She simply didn't know how to handle it on a daily basis.

A boldness pushed her to kiss Maura fully on the lips. They were still lying down in the grass, the leaves of the trees above their heads dancing in the soft summer breeze. Maura responded to the kiss immediately with an eagerness that reassured Jane. This was how she saw and knew their relationship: something blunt, sweet but bare.

She simply hoped that she would get used to the changes.

In the meantime, Maura's fingers playing with the hem of her shirt was exactly what she needed. They matched the pace of their kiss, of their tongues brushing each other respectively.

"I should go now."

Jane nodded. Breathless and already feeling her arousal rise in her lower stomach, she didn't sit up immediately. She let Maura retrieve her belongings and only once she was ready to leave did Jane finally stand up.

"So... Dinner at my place tonight... 7pm? Lucy... I think she likes you. I mean... In a platonic way, of course." Maura blushed. Of course, she had to be awkward now. "She's nice and... I don't know. I'm glad when I can share an evening with the two of you."

...

What was supposed to be a friendly dinner was slowly turning into an atrocious torture, an immense source of stress for Jane and Maura.

Maura had barely had time to let Lucy know about the evolution of her relationship with Jane. She hadn't mentioned anything about Angela knowing about it too because Lucy knew. She was the one who had had to deal with Angela when they were in Maine. She had tried to comfort her. In vain.

Thankfully, Jane's mother wouldn't be around yet Jane had probably met her in the afternoon. Maura hadn't got any text message from Jane. She didn't know how this meeting had gone. It was stressing.

Angela understood that Jane and Maura wanted privacy but she nonetheless felt quite bitter about it. She had hoped and honestly thought that her daughter would confide in her any time. Yet it wasn't how it had worked and it weighed a lot on her heart.

She was fine with same-sex relationships. She even thought that Maura was the perfect match for Jane. She just felt sorry that her daughter wanted to hide it from her.

Jane, on her side, had been too coward to go and say hi to her mother. A few minutes after Maura had left the park, Jane had realized that she didn't have the courage it took to go and see her mother pretending that nothing had happened. She didn't want to lie to her mother. She didn't want to hurt her. Yet Jane had the feeling that it was exactly how she would feel the moment she would face her mother.

A friendship with benefits was very different from a romantic relationship. Of course, she would have never let her mother know that she and Maura had bare sexual encounters on a frequent basis. It wasn't appropriate. As much as Angela said she was open-minded, Jane didn't think that her mother would approve this kind of relationships.

Yet reality was proving Jane that letting her mother know that she was in a romantic relationship wasn't easier at all.

It would happen one day, though. She and Maura couldn't hide for the rest of their lives. The novelty wouldn't last. They probably had a couple of weeks ahead of them. A month, maybe. But not an entire decade.

The fact Jane hadn't dared to go see her mother made her feel bad towards Maura. She didn't really know why though. She simply had the feeling to be awfully coward, as if she didn't want to assume this relationship she had asked for in the first place.

While a delicate sweetness had wrapped the two of them up, life had suddenly become very complex.

"Hey..."

Jane walked in and waved at Lucy and Maura who were in the kitchen preparing dinner. She closed the door behind her and headed straight to the kitchen counter. Her attempt at looking casual probably didn't fool anyone but she couldn't do without it right now. Her heart was beating loud. She looked at Maura and timidly smiled.

"You can kiss her. I'm fine with it."

Lucy's remark made Jane freeze. At least it got the credits to sweep away the thousand unanswered questions that were currently dancing in her head. She looked at Lucy and squinted her eyes at her.

"What..."

Lucy rolled her eyes. She was in a good mood, as usual. Jane's reaction amused her a lot.

"I've always known for the two of you. Maura didn't have to spill the beans. I'm just a good observer... And you two are easy to read." She grabbed a bottle of wine and showed it to Jane. "Do you want a drink?"


	24. Chapter Twenty-Three

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages (I really need to take the time to reply to your PMs... So sorry for the delay!)**

 **Chapter Twenty-Three**

The kisses had shortened at the same time as their respective breathing while the movements of their hips had abandoned themselves to a staccato and tantalizing pace.

Maura smiled as she felt Jane's moist lips brush her neck with a feather kiss. The house was quiet except for Jane's sighs, and the stifled moans that died in her throat as soon as Maura's fingers sped up slightly.

"Look at me."

Maura's husky voice hit the air and filled the bathroom for brief seconds. Suddenly. It swept away the silence of the night with sensuality. She wanted to look at Jane, to look into her dark eyes as her friend straddled her and matched the pace of her fingers between her legs.

Jane's hand tightened on Maura's shoulder. She swallowed hard and finally looked up. They both knew this game way too well for they had played it more times than they could remember. It was a favorite. Maura found it to be very arousing to say the least. Her competitive spirit usually matched Jane's until the last seconds when one of them finally abdicated to their orgasm.

Jane arched her back which caused small waves to form in their bath. The water brushed Maura's lower back like a feather touch.

A late-night bath. Perhaps the suggestion had never been really innocent but they both needed it after the dinner they had shared with Lucy.

They had openly talked about their relationship with someone for the very first time. The conversation had brought a well needed relief to them but life was still just as stressful. They were only at the beginning of something new. Many questions remained unanswered, and these questions led to a thousand doubts.

A low and hoarse laugh passed Maura's lips as Jane sped up the pace of her fingers between her legs. She perfectly knew what her partner was trying to do. As a matter of fact, it was even the whole point of their game: make sure the other would come first.

"You won't win this time."

Maura shook her head. She could say that Jane was closer to her orgasm but the way she now looked at her, with this stubborn defiance in her eyes, drove Maura on the edge. Perhaps she wouldn't last any longer.

The tip of her tongue followed an invisible path along Jane's shoulder collar. Until her throat.

Then she headed down towards Jane's breasts while her free hand held her friend's lower back for balance. Jane's body was hot and damp. Sensual at its best. Maura swallowed hard and tried to focus on the pace of her fingers instead of the pace of Jane's.

This game was a torture. A sweet, delicate torture.

"Gosh." Jane bit her lower lip as Maura's lips reached her nipples. "You're cheatin'..." She subconsciously sped up the pace of her hips and pelvis. Her fingers brushed Maura's in the process. "I'll still win."

Maura shook her head but she decided to remain quiet, too afraid of losing control if she ever opened her mouth to speak. She could feel her orgasm build in her lower stomach. Quietly. How her body was ready for the powerful wave of warmth that would rush from her feet to her head soon enough.

Jane was just as close.

"C'mon... Let it go."

Maura's hand plunged in the water to caress Jane's buttocks. It was only fair since Jane had now begun to massage her breasts.

"Nope."

Maura's voice had never been so low, so husky. She pushed Jane towards her with her knee and sped up the pace of her ministrations again. She couldn't hold it any longer. She was panting loud now. Too loud.

Their respective orgasms hit them with a rare synchronicity. Neither of them usually really looked for such timing. What was happening now was a pure coincidence, one of these moments you can't control. They shivered in each other's arms as a gasp of pleasure slid on their lips and the frenzy of their movements reached its peak.

They froze, at the mercy of powerful feelings.

They would need time to catch their breath back, to feel the heat of their intertwined bodies in the water and to finally go separate ways if only to get out of the tub. Much later.

...

"Oh. I didn't know you were spending the night here."

Jane's blood turned icy in her veins as her mother's voice rose loudly in the kitchen. She jumped and closed the door of the fridge immediately.

She hadn't heard anyone come in. Her mother's presence in the kitchen was completely unexpected.

Jane had gone back downstairs to pick up two bottles of water. She and Maura were thirsty, even more after their private bath tub session. Still on the edge after her orgasm, Jane hadn't assumed that she would come across her mother. Even less at this time of the night. It was quite late, actually.

"Ahem... Yes, I am." Jane looked down at her bare attire. She was wearing a shirt and a pair of boxers. It wasn't very appropriate, even less when spending the night at a friend's. "I had more than a glass of wine so I couldn't drive back home after dinner."

Something was off. Under other circumstances, Jane would have begun to speak about Maine, about the little town she and Maura had stayed at. But the current context was such that she had to force the words out.

"Thank you for the vase."

The fact Angela kept her distance intrigued Jane too. Her mother should have taken her in her arms for a hug already. That was how it worked when Jane came back to Boston after a few days out of town. Yet Angela still had to move an inch.

"Mau-... I'm not the one who chose it... But we thought you'd like it. I'm glad you do."

Pronouncing Maura's name was too hard for Jane. She was afraid her mother would understand if she ever began to talk about her friend. Her partner. The person who had made her come fifteen minutes earlier in the bath tub upstairs.

She blushed as a timid _we_ slid on her lips.

"Well, I like it a lot. Thank you for bringing me something from Maine. I'm glad you and Maura had... Had a lovely time there. I won't bother you any longer. I just stopped by to get some ice. It's hot in the guesthouse."

Within a minute, Angela had packed the ice she needed and she had left after wishing Jane goodnight.

Confused by the quietness her mother had showed, Jane turned around and walked upstairs to the master bedroom. She closed the door behind her and held out a bottle to Maura.

"Are you alright? You're a bit pale, Jane."

Jane sat on the edge of the bed. She took a sip of water then gave Maura a shrug. She didn't know what to say. She was physically fine but her emotions were all over the place. However it was something way too hard to say, especially after a love making session.

"I saw ma' downstairs. She took ice with her... 'Cause it's hot in the guesthouse."

Maura got tense. Her hand froze on Jane's back after travelling up and down at a comforting pace. She cleared her voice and forced herself to smile even if Jane had turned her back at her and she couldn't see her face.

"What did you tell her? What did she tell you?"

Jane took a deep breath. She needed to find the courage to face Maura. In bed. The moment couldn't be more awkward. She settled next to her partner then stared straight in front of her. Her answer would be dull because the semblance of conversation she had just had with her mother had been dull. Awfully random, and terribly awkward.

For a reason she couldn't explain.

Her very own hesitation made sense but her mother's timidity and the ounce of sadness that had showed in her voice didn't. Jane didn't know what to do with the whole thing. As a matter of fact, she felt like panicking right now.

"She thanked me for the vase... She told me she's glad we had fun in Maine and then... And then goodnight."

"That's sweet."

"Yeah it is."

Jane sank in bed. She rolled on her side and looked into Maura's eyes. Her partner's remark was fair. More than fair.

Perhaps Jane was seeing things where there was nothing to see. The decision she and Maura had taken on their way back to Massachusetts was big and it probably had an impact on her perception of things that she hadn't thought about at first.

At least sex with Maura was still alike. The intimacy between the two of them was strong, sensual and arousing. There was a permanent sexual tension that floated above their heads. The frenzy in the bath tub had reassured Jane. She had finally found a reference into this new chapter she and Maura were about to write together.

Yet sex couldn't be the only link between the two of them.

A bit uncertain, she cuddled against Maura and planted a kiss on her partner's temple. Maura slid a leg between Jane's and rested her head against her shoulder.

They needed this quietness. Together.


	25. Chapter Twenty-Four

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages, I really appreciate them.**

 **Chapter Twenty-Four**

"What if what we lived in Maine can't be lived in Boston? What if Boston is irremediably linked to sex and nothing else? What if it doesn't work? What if we fail? What if... What if it is a mistake?"

At least Maura managed to put words on her fears. As a matter of fact, she could write down the list of all these things that bothered her and prevented her from sleeping at night. The only issue was that she was unable to answer any of her own questions and it freaked her out.

The serenity on Lucy's face let Maura understand that her friend didn't share her fears. Lucy shrugged, very matter-of-factly. She poured herself a glass of water and took a sip before saying anything back.

They had all the time in the world. Or so. Maura had her day off and Lucy wanted to enjoy her last hours in Boston with her friend. Thus she had invited Maura to a French restaurant near the harbor. The view was breathtaking and if Maura usually enjoyed it a lot, she was currently unable to focus on it.

"Relax, Maura. You've made it back here three days ago only. You need to be patient." Lucy laughed lightly. "You can't build a romantic relationship with anyone within two days. It's impossible. Besides, it's not that easy to go from being friends with benefits to romantic partners. It requires... Some adjustments."

Maura wrinkled her nose. She didn't disapprove. As a matter of fact, she even knew that Lucy was right but she lacked the patience such situation required. She wanted immediate results because she needed them to feel fine. To be reassured.

She was glad to share this lunch with Lucy because Lucy was the only one Maura could confine in. Angela was out of the picture for a thousand different reasons. Jane's mother was another source of stress, actually.

"Hmm. I don't know. It's just that... I don't regret the shift in our relationship. On the contrary... I wanted it and Jane asking for it was a relief. It's just that outside of sex, we don't seem to be in a relationship. It looks like the same friendship as the one we have always had."

Maura reluctantly saw it as a bad omen. Perhaps she and Jane weren't meant to be in a romantic relationship. They were friends and sexual partners but romanticism may not belong to their world. The idea broke her heart yet she couldn't help thinking about it.

"You don't get involved in a relationship by simply stating it, Maura. You can't wait for it to get built by itself. Take Jane on a date."

The suggestion made Maura burst out laughing. She raised a hand to apologize for her reaction. Lucy was trying to be nice. The least Maura could do was to listen to her friend's advices.

"Jane and I don't do _that_ , Lucy. We don't... We don't go on a date. We don't need to go on a date because we already know each other by heart."

"Then call it an evening out, just the two of you. Something romantic. That's what couples do, Maura. They don't simply share a meal before having sex. They go to the movies, they attend a venue... You know all this. Now you simply need to apply it to you and Jane."

Asking Jane on a date seemed odd to Maura. Her friend had a point though. The nature of her relationship depended on the actions she and Jane would take.

"I wish Jane talked to her mother." Maura bowed her head. Her confession embarrassed her a lot more than what she would have imagined. "I guess it would make things easier. The situation is such that... It's hard for me because I'm standing between both."

Maura had learned these past few days that an upset Angela was a very quiet Angela who didn't dare to do nor say the slightest thing anymore. Her behavior was so unusual that it worried Jane too. Maura didn't know what to do. She had promised Angela that she wouldn't say anything to Jane but the weight of their secret was too much on her shoulders.

"One thing at a time, Maura. It's not easy to announce to your parents that you're in a same-sex relationship. You should know about it."

Touché. It had taken Maura months to tell her parents about it even if she knew that they were opend-minded.

Maura nodded. It was even less easy when said relationship was still a bit fragile. Their feelings were strong but they still had to build the base of their relationship. It was a delicate time for the two of them.

 _"Would you like it too? Would you like to be in an exclusive relationship with me?"_

Maura remembered how Jane's voice had shaken, how her uncertainty had melted into a strong hope as her dark eyes had looked into Maura's hazel ones.

 _"Yes... Yes, I want it too. I really want it too."_

It had seemed to be a rather surreal moment. Maura had never imagined that Jane would ask her such a thing at a cafe in Maine. It had come from nowhere but with such evidence that the world had looked brighter. Suddenly.

 _"Really?"_

Maura had burst out laughing before Jane's incredulity. She had nodded rather vehemently before squeezing her friend's hand tightly from the other side of the table.

 _"I want to be yours, as I want you to be mine. I really do."_

They hadn't added anything else because they hadn't needed to. Everything was clear. The decision that they had just taken followed a logic that didn't need to be discussed. Yet four days later, Maura was sitting at a restaurant in Boston with Lucy wondering if she and Jane had made the right choice because it wasn't working out the way she had imagined.

"What does Jane like to do? It's the summer... There are plenty of music festivals. Perhaps you could take her to one of them. Unless you'd like to do something quieter and more intimate. You have to fight for your happiness in this world, Maura. It doesn't come up all by itself."

...

Maura stopped the engine of her Prius and waited for long seconds before getting out of her car, just as she had waited for Lucy's plane to take off before leaving Logan International. She would miss her friend, even more in these moments of doubts. Lucy had brought her a wisdom these past few weeks that Maura needed desperately. Now she would have to handle her life all by herself again.

It was hard.

 _"Do you sleep with my daughter?"_

Maura walked till her house. She came in and closed the door behind her before heading to the kitchen counter where she set her bag down. Angela's very direct question had completely taken her off guard the day she had come back from Maine feeling light and happy because she and Jane were now in a romantic relationship.

 _"I beg your pardon?"_

 _"Mateo saw you and Jane in the laundry room on your birthday. You were... Doing things. That's why I'm asking you, Maura. Do you sleep with my daughter? Do you date her?"_

Maura perfectly remembered what she and Jane had done in the laundry room on her birthday. However, she was sure Jane had closed the door behind them. It was an old door, a noisy one. They would have heard it if someone had tried to open it. She didn't understand how Mateo and Finn had walked in on them. Unless Jane hadn't closed the door completely.

The breakup with Finn made a lot more sense now though.

 _"Yes. Yes, we do."_

Maura could have said to Angela that it was none of her business, that her question was intrusive. But she hadn't wanted to. On the contrary. She wasn't ashamed of what she lived with Jane. It actually made her proud and happy. She wanted to say it to everyone.

She wanted to hold hands in public.

 _"Why not telling anyone about it? I don't understand. I... You're the best thing that ever happened to Jane, Maura. Everyone knows it."_

Perhaps Maura should have been blunt too. Perhaps she should have said to Angela that the nature of the relationship she had had with Jane until a few hours earlier was not a classic one. She had skipped that part and had decided to focus on the idea that she and Jane needed some time before letting everyone know about them instead.

She hadn't been able to comfort Angela. She had felt Jane's mother incomprehension and distress to have failed in her bond with Jane but she had been unable to tell Angela that it would be alright and that Jane would speak to her some time.

Bitterness tightened Maura's heart as she picked up her cell phone and wrote a text message to Jane. Lucy wasn't here anymore but her advices remained intact. And true.

 _May I pick you up tomorrow at 7pm? I miss you._

 _Maura_

Jane answered almost immediately as if she had been waited for a message all day long. They hadn't had a chance to meet today. Maura had focused on Lucy before her departure.

 _Of course! I miss you too._

 _Jane_

A sigh of satisfaction passed Maura's lips. Her eyes fixed upon Jane's message, she nodded at nobody but herself.

"There we go... Our first date."


	26. Chapter Twenty-Five

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages, I'm very busy these days so I don't have time to reply to your PMs yet but I promise I will soon (I have over 100 PMs, it's a disaster lol).**

 **Chapter Twenty-Five**

Jane was stressed. She had thought about her date with Maura all day long. Because it was what it was. Maura hadn't put a name on it but Jane knew better: they were going on a date. Their first date as a couple.

When Jane had received Maura's text message the day before, she had felt relieved to see that her partner had made the first step. Jane had always felt awkward when asking someone on a date because she didn't have a very creative mind. Thus she often took the person to a random bar or to an average restaurant.

She didn't want any of that with Maura. Maura was special, unique. She deserved better than any of the places Jane knew in town.

They also needed this date. Jane had a hard time assuming it because it looked too close to a failure but she had the feeling she and Maura were a bit stuck in their new relationship. Nothing had happened until now. She had asked Maura to be exclusive then life had gone on with a bare insolence as if their decision had very little importance.

The sex was still great, even more than great. But Jane still had to experience this peculiar feeling one has when in a relationship. She had brushed it when in Maine but the roughness of Boston had swept it away almost immediately.

That's why tonight was important. Even paramount.

Maura knew her by heart so Jane wasn't afraid of what her friend had planned for the two of them. She knew that she would like it even if she may growl against it. Her grumpy mood was a mere, childish game. Like their bickering.

Jane looked at her reflection in the mirror of her bathroom. She was wearing casual clothes, because it was hot and because she felt comfortable in them. It fit. Or not.

Doubts passed underneath her skin. She bit her lower lip and frowned. Perhaps she should wear a dress, or at least something a bit more elegant than her capri pants. Maura wouldn't take her to a pub.

"I'm here with the basil, Janie."

Angela's voice caused Jane to jump. She walked out of the bathroom and headed straight to her living-room. Her mother had promised to stop by to give her the basil plant she had bought for Jane at the Italian fair. Jane wasn't an excellent cook but she used basil quite a lot. Maura liked it with her salad, thus Jane liked to have some around.

"Hey... Thanks a lot."

Nothing had really changed between Jane and her mother since Jane had come back from Maine. The odd vibe Jane had got in Maura's kitchen at night hadn't left her. It stuck to her skin and made her feel opressed. She hated it.

But because she didn't know what to think about it and because of what she had with Maura, Jane pretended to not feel the awkwardness of the moment. Her ridiculous pride did the trick.

"Do you wanna drink something?"

Hopefully her mother wouldn't stay for too long. Jane still had two hours before Maura to pick her up. The last thing she wanted was her mother to be here when it happened.

Angela shrugged and looked at her feet. One more time, she seemed to be very timid which was extremely unusual.

"I don't want to bother you."

Jane swallowed hard. Her mother's remark was even more out of character than her current attitude. It really didn't reassure her. Faking a laugh, Jane walked to the fridge and picked up a bottle of lemonade out of it. She grabbed two glasses and filled them.

"Don't be stupid, you don't bother me. Besides, you're the first person I get to see today. This whole suspension thing is gettin' me crazy."

"You deserve it, Jane. Learn your lesson. No matter what your colleague did or said, you weren't supposed to be physically violent with him. This isn't how I raised you."

Jane pursed her lips. Her mother was right but she wasn't in the mood for a lecture. Besides, she had learned that O'Donell had been suspended too so life wasn't as unfair as she had thought it to be in the first place.

"How's the Italian fair, this year?"

The lack of transition and her inner desire to change of topic betrayed Jane's nervousness but she couldn't care less right now. Speaking about an annual event was harmless and had very little chances to annoy her as much as the O'Donell incident.

Angela took a sip of lemonade. She then set the glass down on the kitchen counter and stared at it in silence. She remained quiet for long seconds. Very long seconds.

"Not bad, I guess. I've got a nice olive oil, very good quality."

Jane waited for her mother to give in and start gossiping about their old neighbors but Angela didn't add anything. It was strange because the main reason why Angela went to this fair was for the potential source of gossip she then loved telling Jane about.

"Yeah? You know what? I was thinkin' that, since I've got some time for myself this year, maybe I could go there one day. You know, just to say hi."

Angela pursed her lips. Her traits deepened and she suddenly looked worried.

"You don't have to, Jane. Really. It's far and you have better things to do here."

Jane sat down on one of her stools. She didn't understand her mother's reaction. For once she was eager to go back to their old neighborhood to say hello, her mother told her to forget about it while she usually told Jane to pay everyone a visit.

"I have all the time in the world, ma'. And it's not that far... Maybe a twenty-minute drive. It's nothing! You said the fair was cool, besides."

"Don't go there, Jane."

Angela's sudden authoritative tone took Jane completely aback. A cold anger controlled her mother, one that Jane had never got to face. She swallowed hard.

"Why?"

"Mateo's there."

Jane held back a gasp. She had completely forgotten about Mateo. The decision she and Maura had taken in Maine had literally swept Mateo away from her life. She would have to call him though, just to let him know that she didn't want to go any further with him.

"Speaking of whom... Mateo's a nice guy, ma', but I don't think it's gonna work out. I'm sorry."

A loud laugh slid on Angela's lips. A bittter one. She shook her head before finally looking at her daughter straight in the eye. Her lips curled up in a smirk. She looked upset.

"Of course it's not going to work out since you're seeing Maura."

Jane swallowed hard. Her blood turned icy in her veins but, against all expectations, the world didn't stop turning. Her heart kept on beating too. Nothing happened. She remained still on her stool, unable to say the slightest thing back.

She hadn't seen it come.

"I saw Mateo at the fair. It turns out he knows for the two of you, since Maura's birthday and... When you were in the laundry room." Angela smiled timidly. She wanted to make clear that she wasn't angry, just hurt. "What were you afraid of, Jane? What were you afraid of, that you didn't tell me anything?"

Jane ran her tongue over her lips. It couldn't happen now, not two hours before her first date with Maura. She wasn't ready for it. It wasn't even coming from herself.

"I..." Her voice, usually hoarse and low, sounded very high-pitched. She was scared to death but not because of what her mother knew. Only because she was now seeing the distress and the pain on her mother's face. "Because... Because it was a bit confusing."

As a matter of fact, it had never ceased to be confusing. Since that night of March when she and Maura had slept together for the first time, life had been confusing. And addictive.

"I just want you to be happy, Jane. Maura... We both know the impact Maura has had on your life. What's so confusing about it? Embrace it."

"It's not that easy!"

Jane couldn't help laughing. It wasn't how she had imagined this conversation to go. As much as she was glad and relieved to see that her mother supported the idea of a relationship between her and Maura, she hadn't thought that her mother would have such reaction.

Angela planted a comforting kiss on Jane's temple and it felt right. Relieving. Jane had never liked these gestures of affection but she nonetheless gladly accepted the hug when her mother took her in her arms. Angela hugged her tightly, comfortingly.

"Of course, it is. Stop paying attention to what strangers may think about you, Jane. Be selfish, be happy. Embrace who you are! Maura's doing it so why not doing it too? Her eyes were sparkling when she told me about you and her."

Jane's fragile smile vanished within a second as her mother's words passed underneath her skin. She forgot about the lump that had formed in her throat, about the shaking of her hands. Her priority now lay somewhere else.

She frowned.

"Maura told you about it?"


	27. Chapter Twenty-Six

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages, I'm really glad to see you still enjoy this story.**

 **Chapter Twenty-Six**

Maura flashed Jane a bright smile as Jane opened the door to her apartment and let her come in. Her heart beat fast and loudly in her chest. Her hands were shaking. She had tried to remain calm and to put things into perspective but she had failed. This first date meant way too much for her and Jane. It had to go smooth and be perfect.

"How are you?" Maura's hand brushed Jane's shoulder as she leaned over to kiss her partner at the corner of her mouth. "You're beautiful."

Jane smiled back. The compliment was unexpected and it made her blush. The awkward timidity was unusual but sweet. Neither of them would ever dare to admit it but they both felt the importance of the moment. At a different level.

They had met six years ago and they were now going on their first date. It was strange and delicate.

"Do you wanna drink something?"

"No, it's fine. I'm fine, thank you." Maura glanced at the living-room. Jane had cleaned it. Everythiing was neat. "Are you ready to go?"

Unlike Jane, Maura had had to work today. However she had been rather unable to focus on medical reports and science journals. The only thing that had haunted her mind was her date. Their date. She wanted it to be as perfect as it could be. And sweet.

Memorable.

"Yeah. Do I need to change? I didn't know..." Jane looked down at her attire. "I didn't know what to wear."

Maura laughed lightly. She was touched because it was something Jane usually didn't ask about. On the contrary. She often wanted to wear whatever she felt like wearing. The fact she suddenly cared meant a lot for Maura.

"No, it's perfect."

As a matter of fact, Maura herself didn't wear a dress. She had picked linen pants instead and a silk top. She was elegant but casual. It reassured Jane almost immediately.

"So... Where are we going to?"

"It's a suprise. I hope... I hope that you will like it. I don't know why but when I sent you the text message yesterday, I immediately thought about this place."

Jane grabbed her keys and gave Jo Friday a wink before following Maura out of the apartment. They had remained quite timid until now towards each other. Perhaps under other circumstances, things would have been different. The importance of the moment combined to the conversation Jane had had with her mother a couple of hours earlier made it hard for her to relax completely.

She couldn't. Not just now. Maura's voice put an end to Jane's anxious wonders.

"We'll take my car. I've parked just outside."

A powerful wave of warmth rose in Maura's stomach as she looked into Jane's eyes. She was stressed but she had also never felt so happy in her life. The evening would be perfect. She knew it.

...

"Oh." Jane stepped out of the car and looked at the building. Of course, she knew this place. However something didn't make sense. She checked her watch then turned to Maura. "Isn't it closed?"

Maura shook her head before waving a pass.

"A friend of mine works here. We have the planetarium for us tonight which is perfect because the sky is clear, cloudless. We should be able to gaze at the stars from the dome."

Jane loved the idea. It was new, and unique. She followed Maura till the door and patiently waited for her partner to come in.

The last two hours had been tough. Jane hadn't stopped thinking about Maura and how her partner had known for Mateo and Angela. At first Jane had felt angry, and betrayed. The effect of a bombshell.

It hadn't lasted very long though. She hadn't told anything to her mother because she understood the delicacy of the situation and how her mother felt hurt that Jane had stayed quiet over her and Maura's relationship. She didn't want to cause any more trouble. It was nothing but an endless misunderstanding.

Things were different for Maura. Or at least Jane had thought so until wisdom had invaded her and she had come to the conclusion that she didn't want to be mad at her partner. Besides, Maura couldn't lie. She hadn't had much of a choice when Angela had asked her. Maura's silence afterwards also made sense. Somehow.

It was acceptable.

The conversation Jane had had with her mother and the fact she knew that Maura knew nonetheless weighed on Jane's shoulders. The timing couldn't be worse. She was afraid to not be able to take advantage of this first date at the most.

She and Maura had to talk first.

Yet Jane was touched by the efforts Maura had put in their date. The idea of spending the evening together and alone at the planetarium was awesome. She didn't want to ruin it with any heavy conversation.

"There's a picnic basket in the dome room... We can put music on if you want to." Maura took the stairs that led to the last floor. She was shy but the bright smile that played on her lips betrayed an obvious happiness. "I promise not to lecture you about the stars and the planets."

Jane laughed lightly.

"It's okay. I like it when you do..."

Maura opened the large doors of the dome room. Jane had come to the planetarium a few times and her favorite room happened to be the one under the dome. She liked it because there were plenty of cushions on the floor for the visitors to sit down and look up at a reproduction of the milky way during the day. It was her first visit by night though.

The dome was opened for them to look at the real sky.

Just as Maura had said it, a picnic basket was waiting for them in the center of the room. They sat down next to it and observed the sky for long seconds. Quietly.

"Do you like it?"

Jane nodded without breaking eye-contact with the cloudless sky. The night hadn't fallen yet but the view was already breathtaking.

"It's awesome."

"Then why aren't you smiling?"

Maura's question took her aback. Jane immediately looked at her partner. She swallowed hard. She honestly tried to make an effort to enjoy the moment, which she did to an extent, but the rest weighed too much on her mind. She bit her lower lip, and hesitated for a while.

"Ma' told me that she talked to you the day we came back from Maine. I know that you told her for us."

Maura's smile froze which immediately broke Jane's heart.

"I'm sorry..." An inaudible and fragile whisper slid on Maura's lips. She bowed her head shamefully and swallowed back burning tears. "I didn't want to say it to anyone... I swear I didn't want to. But then your mother asked me and... And I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to hide the truth from her." Maura knew that she had betrayed Jane on that day. No matter the circumstances. She hated it but it was true. "Are you mad at me?"

Timidity showed through her question. She feared Jane's reaction. A lot. A heavy sigh passed Jane's lips.

"No... I just wish we had had more time for ourselves... For us, you know." It wasn't how Jane had imagined their first date to go. She had the feeling to completely ruin it. Just like the rest, actually. "I wish it worked out."

The silence that followed caused them both to feel miserable for they knew that what Jane had just said was right. One of them had simply put words on a feeling they had had for a while. They were stuck, and their relationship didn't manage to get start.

Maura opened her mouth to speak. She had to say something. Anything. She had the same feeling as Jane about their relationship but the fact Jane felt alike wasn't really comforting. On the contrary.

Jane didn't give her time to speak.

"I wish it worked out because... Because I'm not ashamed. I'm not ashamed of us. I've never been ashamed. I love you." Jane looked into Maura's eyes. "I'm in love with you, Maura."

It turned Maura speechless. She had planned their date from A to Z but had suddenly lost the control of the situation. The look of surprise on Jane's face made her understand that even her partner was surprised of the confession. The words had probably slid on Jane's lips by themselves.

Still unable to find the slightest thing to say, Maura leaned over and captured Jane's lips in a kiss. Her hand slid on her partner's nape to caress the skin there. Jane's body was warm and inviting.

As Maura broke the kiss, she looked into Jane's eyes and smiled brightly.

"We'll make it work. I know we'll make it work."

It wasn't determination but necessity that made Maura speak because Maura knew that if her relationship with Jane failed then her life stopped making sense.


	28. Chapter Twenty-Seven

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all your reviews and messages, as well as the messages re-what happened in Nice (I'm fine, my friends and relatives are fine too; not that it makes it less horrible, of course).**

 **Chapter Twenty-Seven**

"Dr. Isles? Man... Sure! I would do her. C'mon, I mean it. She looks great."

The remark made Maura smile and a surge of pride caused her heart to warm up. The compliment was crude but it was still a compliment. Or at least she took it that way. Even more since it came from a twenty-two-year-old person.

She settled in a corner, leaned against the wall and focused a bit more on the conversation her medical students were having about her. What she was doing was wrong but they couldn't see her anyway. Besides, it spiced up a rather boring morning at work.

She wished she had been able to stay in bed with Jane instead of going to the morgue. As a matter of fact, she had made it late to work, which was unusual for her and out of character. The night had been emotionally intense and memorable to just go on with life as if nothing had happened.

"Of course, you would. You have a thing for old women!"

Maura's smile froze. She tightened her grip on her file holder and pursed her lips before turning on her heels. Mortified, she rushed back to her office.

She didn't know what the worst part was: the fact she had overheard a conversation on purpose or that fate had decided to punish her curiosity with this last line. She dropped the file on her desk and walked to her bathroom in order to look at her reflection in the mirror.

Her traits were a tad deep because she lacked of sleep. But she looked fine, all in all. And she wasn't that old. She had just turned forty years old. The best years of her life still had to come. Besides, what did all these young students know about age? They were still children, and genuine ones.

They knew absolutely nothing about life.

Nor about love.

A timid smile played on Maura's lips and reached her eyes in the most glorious way ever. Her body reaction caused her to blush. Her first date with Jane had started in the most unexpected way ever but the conclusions they had come up with had been the best, the most hopeful ones. Thus she could say that the evening had gone beyond her expectations. It was all so positive.

She had feared for the worst at some point though.

She hadn't thought that Jane and Angela would talk about the whole thing so soon. As a matter of fact, Maura had felt okay with the idea that it wouldn't happen any time soon. The weight of the secret she carried was heavy but she could have done with it for a while. She was getting used to it.

And now what?

She and Jane had talked. Jane had admitted that she had feelings for Maura. Yet Maura hadn't said anything back.

Love was a serious matter. She didn't want to joke about it nor take it lightly. And as much as she showed all the signs of a person who was in love, Maura preferred to wait and be sure that it was really the reason why her heart skipped a beat whenever she looked into Jane's eyes. Her way of thinking was very Cartesian but she couldn't help it. It was how it had to work if she wanted to be sincere and happy.

She had been thinking about the nature of her feelings for a while, actually. Way before Jane to take her to Maine for an unforgettable getaway. By the end of April, Maura could already say that what she felt for her friend was something a lot more complex than a friendship love. Yet she still had to come to the proper conclusion regarding all this.

Jane had gone through the same process. The only difference was that she had gone faster than Maura.

Yet Maura's lack of answer the evening before made her feel slightly ashamed. Jane hadn't said anything about it but she had probably hoped that Maura would say something similar back. It hadn't happened.

They had enjoyed their evening at the planetarium a lot though. It hadn't ruined the moment. They had shared this picnic in the dome room before sipping on wine while star gazing. Peacefully. Sweetly.

The idea of spending the evening there had sounded like an evidence to Maura when she had thought about their first date. She didn't really know why except from the fact it mixed science, which she loved, to an activity that could also satisfy someone who had a less scientific mind.

They had stayed there until midnight.

They had driven back to Jane and Maura had spent the night over at the Back Bay apartment afterward. They had made love in a comforting way that reminded Maura of their intimate times in Maine.

For the very first time, they had found back that connection that Boston prevented them from having. They were on the same page, at the same time. It felt so right.

"Dr. Isles?"

The voice of Maura's administrative assistant put an abrupt end to Maura's daydreams and reminiscence of the evening before. She walked out of the bathroom then gave her employee a smile.

"Yes?"

"A few journalists would like to set up a time for an interview about the Marguerite Duras case... Do you know if it's possible?"

Maura walked to her desk. She had barely started reading the autopsy report of the potential murderer of the first victim. She didn't know the case by heart. If she accepted the interview then she would need to work on the file a lot more first.

She didn't like interacting with the media. Journalists had been respectful until now but an old social anxiety echoed in Maura's mind whenever she had to talk in front of a camera. Yet she knew that it came with the job. The chief medical examiner had to say something. At some point.

"I would need to check with detectives Frost and Rizzoli before. They have investigated the case, I need to know whether they agree with this."

The administrative assistant nodded before leaving Maura's office.

Jane was supposed to come back to work tomorrow. She would have to catch up on the Marguerite Duras case first.

Maura sat down at her desk. She grabbed her cell phone then cast a glance at the door. Nobody was coming in. She quickly sent Jane a text message.

 _How are you?_

 _Maura_

The question was very random but Maura had left Back Bay at 6.30am. Needless to say that Jane hadn't bothered on getting up. This message was just an excuse to talk to Jane, whom Maura missed a lot.

Maura set her cell phone down on her desk and waited for a reply. In vain. Obviously Jane was busy doing something else.

A knock on the door caused Maura to jump. She looked up. Her administrative assistant was back. She was holding several files this time.

"Professor Marino called. He wants to know whether you have read the note he left you yesterday and if you have an answer to give him. He's on the phone, do you want to talk to him? Oh and..." The assistant walked till Maura's desk. "These files need your approval."

Maura brushed the cover of the first file with her fingertips. She had read Professor Marino's note. Several times. She had called him on a few occasions for a case Jane had worked on a couple of months ago and he was a nice man.

"There's no need for me to talk to him. Just tell him that I can't. I'm not available."

"Fine. You're too busy..."

"No." Maura shook her head. She thought about Jane, about Mateo and Finn. About Professor Marino who had just asked her on a date, or at least had he suggested a dinner in town which was a date in disguise. "When I say I'm not available then I mean that I'm not single. I'm not single anymore."

Her statement took her administrative assistant aback. The employee's reaction was fair. Maura hadn't really showed signs of a romantic life lately. She and Jane had tried to be discreet. Besides, the nature of their relationship had just changed. It was all new. And it was the first time Maura could allude to it with someone else than Lucy or Angela.

"Oh!" The assistant looked down at her feet. She didn't know what to say. "Then I... I wish you the best. You deserve it, of course. He's very lucky."

Maura was sober but felt just as brave as if she had gulped down a bottle of whisky. If she had updated her relationship status then she should now make the situation even clearer.

"I'm the one who is lucky to have _her_ in my life."

Maura insisted enough on the 'her' to make sure that her administrative assistant would understand. Her position at the morgue was such that she knew her employee would respect her no matter what anyway. Besides, Maura's administrative assistant was efficient and discreet. She wasn't the kind of person who would be nosy with the chief medical examiner of Massachusetts.

Just as planned, the employee didn't say anything wrong. She simply smiled then walked away anew. Maura looked back at her phone. Jane had answered her.

 _I'm good. Enjoyin' my last day of freedom. You?_

 _Jane_

Amused, Maura picked up her cell phone and sent a text message back to Jane. She felt light, and happy. So happy with her life.

 _Not bad... Nothing special, you know. Well, apart from the fact I just said to Pamela that I'm dating a woman._

 _Maura_

Jane replied immediately, this time.

 _What?!_

 _Jane_


	29. Chapter Twenty-Eight

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages, I really appreciate them. I don't know how many chapters are left but it should be over by next week.**

 **Chapter Twenty-Eight**

Jane glanced at her mother as she felt a pair of eyes staring at her but she didn't say anything and focused back on her computer immediately. Her mother obviously had something in mind or else she wouldn't be looking at her this way. But Jane wasn't in the mood for any kind of bickering. Perhaps her mother wouldn't talk if she, Jane, didn't make any remark.

Clever.

"Jane?"

Alright.

Jane took a deep breath and tried to ignore the failure of her last wishes. She looked up from her computer and gave her mother a nod. Yet she tried to remain impassive.

"Hmm?"

They were at Maura's. The house was quiet because Maura was still at the morgue. She would be back home in a couple of hours. Jane had decided to come to Beacon Hill because of the AC. The temperatures had reached a new peak and she could barely breathe in her small apartment of Back Bay. She had hoped for quietness and loneliness but her mother was on a day off and also wanted to enjoy the relative coolness of Maura's townhouse. Thus they were now together in the living-room.

"What is it like? What is it like to sleep with a woman?"

Jane's dark eyes widened in fear. She hadn't expected this at all. Her cheeks began to burn as she blushed. A gasp passed her lips.

"Ma'!"

Of course, Jane should have felt happy to see that her mother was open-minded and full of acceptance before the latest events but her openmindedness went too far right now. There were some things Jane would never talk about with her mother and sex was one of them. Or at least her very own personal experience.

Angela raised both hands to apologize but the smile that played on her lips let Jane understand that her mother found her mortified reaction funny.

"I'm just curious..."

"Well, be curious with someone else. Please." Jane swallowed hard. She had rarely felt so embarrassed. "Just... Not with me. That's so wrong."

"There's nothing wrong about sex, Jane."

Jane growled. Obviously Maura had had a lot of influence on her mother because this was not the kind of thing Angela Rizzoli used to say when she lived in her old neighborhood.

"Whatever..."

Jane and her mother were close. They had a very tight bond. However, Jane had a hard time talking about certain things with her mother. Or with anyone, as a matter of fact. Maura was the exception that confirmed the rule.

"Is Maura the first woman you've been with? Have you... Have you ever dated another woman?"

Jane's fingers froze just a few inches above the laptop keyboard. She looked at the screen for long seconds and pounded the question. She didn't feel at ease but she had to admit that the question was fair nonetheless. Her mother needed to understand and she didn't have all the facts in hand to do it.

Besides, it was a bit less difficult to talk about this.

"No... Not really." Jane shrugged. There had been girls, and women. But nothing had happened. She had never slept with any of them. "There wasn't any before Maura."

Angela nodded slowly. With her eyes squinted, she seemed to be analyzing Jane's answer. Obviously she wasn't done yet. She had other questions that still remained unanswered.

"But have you... Have you always been attracted to women?" Angela's tone of voice was low. Almost timid, now. "I know you were a tomboy but that doesn't necessarily mean... You know. You were very intrepid as a child but I don't remember you to ever show signs of interest in any other little girl."

The timidity of her mother unexpectedly reassured Jane. Thus she began to relax, if only a little bit. Perhaps she and her mother needed to have this conversation. Perhaps it was a lot more important than what Jane had imagined. It would make things clear and reassure the two of them.

"Not when I was a child. Nope." Jane bit her lower lip as she looked for her words. She wanted to be as precise as she could in order to reassure her mother. "Maybe when I was at the Academy but nothing happened and... And maybe it was just envy... You know, this type of things. Just... Just a sentiment of inferiority."

Even now that she was in a relationship with Maura, Jane couldn't say whether she was attracted to women because she barely noticed anyone else. The only person who caught her attention was Maura.

Maura.

Jane grabbed her glass of water and took a sip of it. As much as her mother knew for the two of them, she and Maura hadn't talked about the next step they would make. Maura had reassured Jane earlier on, after she had sent her a text message to let her know that she had told her administrative assistant that she was dating a woman.

Maura hadn't given out any name. Out of respect, and because it was nobody else's business.

But Jane knew better. She knew that her mother would be unable to keep such a secret for a long time. Thus she and Maura would have to take a decision. Sooner than later. And because they couldn't keep it for themselves for the next twenty years.

"Well... All I can say is that you chose the most beautiful one, Jane. From the inside and from the outside. Maura is a very humble person. And caring too." Angela smiled but only briefly. Her traits suddenly deepened as she became very serious. "But don't you dare to hurt her or you'll hear from me. Capisce?"

...

The evening was perfect. Jane and Maura had openly invited Angela over for dinner and the three of them had spent a nice time together. Then Angela had left them both alone, with a lot of respect. She had wished them good night before going back to the guesthouse across the patio.

Jane couldn't help thinking that she and Maura already had a very domesticated life. The only difference was that what had scared her for so long now brought her a lot of joy. Perhaps because Maura was the right one.

Commitment had always been an issue for Jane. She had always feared all these stages in a relationship: the exclusivity, sharing apartment keys, making vacation plans. But with Maura it all looked easy and serene as if it were meant to be.

"It just felt right on the moment. Do you see what I mean?" Maura walked out of her closet and headed straight to bed. She settled on her side of the bed and looked in front of her, at an invisible point on the wall. "I had to made it clear. Yes. That's why I told Pamela that I was seeing a woman. And you know what? It felt liberating."

Maura assumed her sexual orientation but it was something that she had never alluded to at work. Probably because she hadn't had any reason to. But now things were different, very different.

"How did she react?"

Jane yawned. She was tired and felt a bit melancholic because she was going back to the BPD the day after. It was strange to think that she saw the end of her suspension as a burden since she had had a hard time with it at first. But then so many things had changed since she had hit O'Donnel in the face.

Her life was completely different now.

"I think I took her by surprise but she smiled at me nonetheless, and she wished me happiness." Maura squinted her eyes in an effort of concentration as she tried to remember her administrative assistant's reaction earlier in the morning. "She looked honest."

Maura's decision didn't change anything to the fact that they wouldn't break the news to anyone yet. They had discussed it once Angela had gone back to the guesthouse. They needed time for themselves.

Besides, Maura was still deeply sunk in the analysis of her very own feelings towards Jane. They couldn't make it official if Maura didn't manage to put words on what she felt.

Of course, this was something that she had kept for herself. She couldn't say that to Jane. It wouldn't be fair. They had gone through enough awkwardness until now to not add any source of potential stress.

"You never told me Marino had tried to hit on you."

Maura laughed lightly. An ounce of jealousy showed in Jane's remark and she found it to be quite amusing.

"There was no point because he never stood a chance, Jane. He entered my life for professional reasons and left just as quickly. He's not the one whom I think about most of the time..." A delicate and timid smile played on Maura's lips. It reached her hazel eyes and embraced them lovingly. Her confession in disguise was sweet. "He's never been you. He was a mere detail in my life. From a medical doctor to a professor."

Still focused on the contemplation of the wall in front of her, Maura let her words wrap her up. Her smile grew bigger as she realized how right her confession felt right now.

The silence that followed her comment only hit her long seconds after she stopped talking. Confused by Jane's silence, she turned her head and looked at her partner. Jane had fallen asleep. She was breathing peacefully next to Maura.

Maura pouted. She had hoped for something more than a casual conversation to wrap the night.


	30. Chapter Twenty-Nine

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages. It's really nice of you, I appreciate it a lot.**

 **Chapter Twenty-Nine**

"To your return!"

Frost raised his pint of beer and cheered with the whole table. Jane gave her colleague a smile before pretending to be focused on her own glass. These moments always made her feel a tad embarrassed and uncomfortable. She disliked being the center of attention and it was exactly what was happening now. Besides, nobody was to blame but her for these two weeks away from the BPD. There was nothing to celebrate. Her behavior had been wrong.

"We've missed you, Jane."

Korsak gave her a wink. Jane knew that he meant what he had just said and the truth was that it was actually mutual. She had missed him too. He had talked about retiring on several occasions already and every single time such idea had broken Jane's heart. She wasn't ready to let him go. Korsak had way too much importance in her life. It had only been an idea so far but Jane knew that it would happen one day and she hated it.

"Did you kidnap her, Dr. Isles, that it took the two of you so long to join us here tonight?"

Frost's question caused Maura to laugh nervously. She would miss this kind of situations when she and Jane would make their relationship official. She found them to be funny, and rather entertaining. She made her wine twirl in her glass for long seconds before replying.

"I simply needed Jane's help for something. I'm sorry."

And that something had been the release of the sexual frustration she had been feeling since the night before when Jane had fallen asleep on her. However, this was the kind of detail Maura couldn't really talk about. However, thinking about it made her heart beat faster. Fifteen minutes only had passed since Jane had made her come against the door of her office. Maura still could feel her partner's hands on her hips and the tip of her tongue drawing fast circles on her overly sensitive flesh. The way she had pressed a hand against the door for balance.

She swallowed hard and tried to focus on the time being.

"It wasn't the same without you, Jane." Frost set his glass down on the table and cast a glance at the room. The Dirty Robber was full at this time of the day. Mostly officers though. "It wasn't the same without you either, Dr. Isles."

Maura didn't understand why Jane's colleague didn't manage to call her by her first name. She found his timidity to be cute but strange. They had known each other for years, now. They were friends. Her professional status made Frost feel intimidated.

"I was only gone for five days."

Five decisive days. If she and Jane hadn't gone to Maine then perhaps all the rest wouldn't have happened. Jane would have not told her that she wanted their relationship to be exclusive, that she was in love with her and they wouldn't have gone on their first date.

They would not be a couple now.

Maura's hazel eyes fixed upon Jane's thigh. Jane was sitting next to her, at a reasonable distance. Nothing indicated that they had got a lot closer since March. Absolutely nothing. Lucy had noticed it because she wasn't part of their daily life. She came from the outside and owned the distance one needed to realize what was going on.

Frost and Korsak couldn't guess the mere thing. They couldn't imagine that Jane had authoritatively pushed Maura against the door of her office a few minutes earlier before kneeling down in front of her and tracing a path of kisses up her legs. They couldn't assume that Maura went down on Jane as well on a frequent basis. They were clueless.

The secretive side of their relationship, even when it was just a friendship with benefits, had always boosted Maura's boldness. She liked the excitement that came within the peculiar situation. She saw it as a game. She knew that Jane felt alike.

That's why she let her hand go under the table freely. Jane was wearing her usual pants, the ones she put on for work, so Maura missed the thin fabric of her rare dresses or even of her capri pants. This detail didn't stop her though. Her fingertips brushed Jane's knee before going up her thigh little by little. Of course Maura remained focused on the conversation their table was having. She didn't want anyone to notice anything.

Anyone but Jane.

The last time it had happened, Maura and Jane were on a double-date with Finn and Mateo. Things hadn't turned very well for both men afterward. Things would be different this time.

"What did you do during these two weeks? Apart from going to Maine with Maura, that is."

Maura noticed the uncomfortable smile that played on Jane's lips. Jane hadn't spread her legs either. She wasn't in the mood for such game obviously. Not tonight. Maura held back a pout and put her hand back on top of the table. Jane had showed a lot more eagerness at her office. Maura had barely had time to let her understand that she was dying for a little something that Jane was already on her knees with her head between Maura's legs.

Nothing had happened between the moment they had left Maura's office and the moment they had walked in the Dirty Robber though. Maura didn't really understand. Perhaps Jane didn't dare to play this game with their friends around.

Maura held back a sigh of frustration.

She was craving for a touch. Even if it didn't have to be sexual. Holding hands, looking into Jane's eyes one second too long. It couldn't happen yet though.

"It went rather fast, actually. But..." Jane hesitated. She let her fingers brush the edge of her pint as she looked for the best way to say what she had to say. "I've taken some decisions regarding my life."

Korsak frowned. He looked suddenly worried.

"Like what?"

Jane gave him a shrug. She hadn't really thought about the moment it would occur. Thus she didn't know what to say, nor how to bring up the subject.

"I've met someone."

Maura froze. The lustful desires her orgasm had stirred up got swept away by Jane's statement. She couldn't care less about sex right now. Her priorities had just changed and rather drastically.

"Oh!"

Frost's surprise echoed Korsak's. Obviously neither of them had imagined that Jane was talking about her romantic life. Probably because said romantic life had been quiet and dull for a while.

"Congratulations...?"

Korsak's affirmation sounded more like a question. Jane had really taken him aback. However, she interrupted him before he had a chance to add the slightest thing.

"It's a woman."

...

As soon as Jane's eyes fixed upon Maura, Maura's lips curled up in an amused smile. She raised a hand to apologize and motioned the couch for Jane to sit down on it. Just by her side. They needed to have a talk. Jane needed comfort.

"I suck at this. How do you do it? I mean... You were subtle and all with Pamela. I was blunt and shit with Frost and Korsak."

They had headed to Jane's apartment after Jane's unexpected coming out. Just like Maura the day before, Jane hadn't mentioned any name but she still had dropped a bomb. And she had been awfully direct. Her colleagues hadn't taken it badly at all but she still felt terrible for being so direct with them. It wasn't how it was supposed to be done.

"I'm proud of you, Jane... Because you did something that is anything but easy. Perhaps it wasn't as beautiful and memorable as you wished it to be but... But it was you."

Jane scoffed. She sat down on the couch and grabbed a cushion to hold it tightly against her.

"So what you're tryin' to tell me is that I'm not beautiful and memorable?" A sarcastic laugh passed her lips. "Thank you, Maura. Really."

Maura rolled her eyes. Jane overreacting was something she had got used to face and handle. It had ceased to be an issue and a source of panic for her a long time ago. She sat closer to Jane and slid a comforting arm around her partner's shoulders before planting a kiss on her collarbone.

"You perfectly know what I mean. Now I just want to know how you feel."

"I'm mortified."

"And...?"

Jane shrugged. She perfectly knew what Maura was doing right now. It was emotional manipulation. The sweetest kind. And it was right.

"I'm glad I did."

She was. She hadn't told them that this woman was Maura but she had still made a big step forward and it made her proud. Frost and Korsak had had a very sweet reaction. They had congratulated her before wishing her the best. They hadn't even really teased her to know who this person was. They had been respectful, and polite.

"Good. Now lie down on this couch, please." Maura actually pushed her partner to lie down before she straddled her and bent over to brush her lips with a feather kiss. "Excellent. Are you tired?"

Jane shook her head but the look on her face betrayed a sweet confusion.

"No. Why?"

"Because I won't tolerate you to fall asleep on me while I'm making love to you."


	31. Chapter Thirty

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all your reviews and messages, I really appreciate them. I think the story will be over by the end of the week (I only have one point to develop and then I'm done).**

 **Chapter Thirty**

In four days, August would be swept away by September. When Maura thought about the summer she had just lived, her heart irremediably tightened. Jane had made her life tip over. For the better. The determination she had showed had forced Maura to leave her comfort zone in order to embrace something she had fantasized about for a while.

Life was sweet since they were in a romantic relationship. Very sweet. Perhaps too sweet.

Maura cast a furtive glance at Jane who was walking by her side. She looked happy and full of a self-confidence that had risen within the last few weeks. Hand in hand, they were heading to the beach for a late-afternoon drink.

Maura wasn't bored when she was with Jane but being in a romantic relationship was a lot less spicy than a friendship with benefits. Maura enjoyed the serenity and the certainty of their relationship but she also missed the excitement of what they had had before. She felt ashamed because she knew that Jane saw it differently, and because she shouldn't have had such sentiment.

Maura had been a good student as she had followed Lucy's advices and had tried to apply them to her life. She and Jane had gone on a few dates and everything had gone well. They had even found a routine they both enjoyed equally. Thus whatever was weighing on Maura's soul was unfair, almost shameful.

She didn't dare to talk about it with Jane. She didn't want to hurt her partner who was obviously embracing their relationship at the fullest. Maura still had to say to Jane that she loved her. The words were just on the edge of her lips but for some reason she didn't manage to let them come out. Not just yet.

"I can't believe they repaired the AC only now." Jane shook her head. "We've suffered all summer long at the BPD and they decide to repair it now that the temps are about to lower."

"Hmm."

The murmur passed Maura's lips very quietly. She was way too focused on her incomprehensible emotional state of mind to have a proper conversation right now. Besides she was tired and had a slight headache. Her day at the morgue had been long, and stressful.

"Are you okay? You've been very quiet since we've left work."

Their semi-official relationship had boosted Jane's confidence. She dared to show and talk about her doubts with an easiness that Maura had a hard time to follow herself. She wished she were more like Jane. Their respective evolutions surprised her a lot because she had always assumed that she would be the one showing confidence and pride while Jane would remain quiet and uncertain.

Yet the exact opposite was happening now and she didn't know what to think about it.

Too aware of her unusual mood, Maura turned her head in order to look into Jane's eyes. Her partner seemed to be worried. A thin line had appeared on her forehead and she looked tense. Maura immediately gave her a nod to reassure her.

"Yes, I'm fine. Let's just find a table somewhere... I'm dying for this cocktail."

...

"I feel bad, so bad... I should feel lucky because everything is going so fine... Yet even if I know that I am lucky, something is missing. I don't know what."

Maura bowed her head in shame. She didn't want to look at Lucy on her computer screen. Her friend had suggested a Skype session and Maura had jumped on the occasion. Lucy was the only one she could talk about right now. Angela wasn't neutral enough since Jane was her daughter. Lucy didn't have any tie.

"You're overthinking the whole stuff, Maura. Abandon yourself to the moment, and to your feelings! It's still the best thing you can do."

Maura turned around as she thought she had heard the door open but it was a false alert. She was still alone at home. Jane had left with Jo Friday for a walk the moment they had returned from the beach. Of course Jane would spend the night over. They hadn't gone separate ways for a night in weeks now Maura thought about it. Jane's presence by her side in bed was comforting but it was still another point that bothered her.

"I don't know... It may be going too fast. We almost live together now while nobody but you and Angela know for us. I think Vince has suspicions but I'm not even sure."

Maura swallowed hard. She didn't want to lie to herself, nor to Jane. Yet she didn't dare to let a question that burned her lower stomach hit the air.

What if they weren't made for a romantic relationship?

It wasn't selfishness. Maura honestly wondered about it because things seemed to be more interesting when there was no attach whatsoever. Or, at least, when neither of them had admitted any.

This question had always made Maura feel insecure. It had hit her mind the moment she had told Jane that she wanted this exclusive relationship. Perhaps there was nothing to fear in the end. Or perhaps it was the root of her problems.

"You've never known how to deal with romanticism." Lucy laughed lightly. "You even don't like romantic comedies that much."

"No. It isn't that I don't like romantic comedies. It is that I don't see the point as they are anything but realistic. Nuance..."

Lucy rolled her eyes. Maura's remark had very little effect on what she wanted to tell her friend. She leaned over and looked straight at Maura through the webcam of her computer.

"You know what I think? I think you're in love, Maura Isles. I think you're in love with someone who loves you in return and it scares you so much that you subconsciously try to convince you that it was better before when none of these feelings were out in the open. You're scared of the consequences, because they're meaningful. So meaningful."

Maura pouted. She hated admitting that her friend may have been right yet deep inside she knew that Lucy's words were wise. Very wise.

"So what am I supposed to do?"

"Well... First of all, stop hiding behind sex. You and Jane aren't machines. Besides, it won't keep your feelings at bay. Stop thinking about these moments as a potential source of sexual release. It goes way beyond that."

Maura frowned. She hadn't alluded to her sexual life with Jane yet Lucy had come to her own conclusions very quickly. Conclusions that weren't too far from reality except Maura simply thought she was a very sexual person.

Jane had quieted down a bit since Maine. She had even told Maura that she preferred them to not do anything when Frost and Korsak were around because it made her feel uncomfortable. It hadn't taken Maura very long to understand that Jane was alluding to the day of her coming out at the Dirty Robber. Maura had tried to spice things up but it hadn't worked out. She had simply assumed at first that it was because Jane was about to let her colleagues and friends know that she was dating a woman but her reasons had turned out to be different.

Maura liked sex. She couldn't help it. And she could say that Jane liked it too. However, Jane didn't feel the urge to hide behind it to escape from her feelings.

"Then you... Oh, hey! It's Jane! How are you?"

Maura jumped with surprise as Lucy played along and pretended to be glad to see Jane somewhere in the background. Maura hadn't heard the door get opened. She had been lost in her thoughts instead, stuck in her doubts.

Jo Friday happily trotted towards Maura. Jane followed the dog and waved at Lucy. She was glowing. Happy to be there, in the moment. Maura swallowed hard and wished she had felt just as fine right now.

"Am I interrupting somethin'? You're pale like a ghost, Maura."

Jane burst out laughing. She walked to the fridge to grab a bottle of water out of it. Panic had officially invaded Maura who didn't know what to do anymore. The timing was terrible. Lucy wasn't done with her advices and Maura hadn't had time to prepare herself for Jane's return.

"I'll talk to you later. Bye!"

Maura's eyes widened in panic. Lucy had disconnected their call without the mere warning which meant that Maura was left alone to deal with a thousand untold things, now.

A honest smile played on her lips as she looked into Jane's eyes and grabbed her partner's hand to squeeze it tightly. She loved what they were having now. She loved it so much that it was even the reason why she didn't understand why she didn't manage to live it to the fullest.

"I've missed you."

Maura's statement caused Jane to laugh lightly. Her cheeks turned pink.

"I was gone for thirty minutes max."

Maura shrugged. It wasn't a matter of minutes or even of hours but simply the way she felt now. She leaned over and captured Jane's lips sweetly.

"Then it was thirty minutes too long."

Abandoning herself to the moment, letting her feelings speak for her. Fighting this fear that if she gave it all to Jane then maybe her vulnerability would make her unable to face the slightest storm.

Maura held back a sigh. She had to get there. She had to trust herself.


	32. Chapter Thirty-One

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all your reviews and messages, I really appreciate the fact you're taking the time to post something.**

 **Chapter Thirty-One**

"It's hot. Don't you think it's hot? It's hot. Too hot." Jane sighed heavily which caused a few customers in the line to turn around to look at her. "Way too hot."

Maura didn't say anything back. She was suffering from the unexpected heatwave too but unlike Jane she remained quiet over it. Besides, the morgue had the AC on all day and night long. Thus she couldn't complained. She didn't like the AC but she had to admit that she was glad to have it under such circumstances.

"Earth calls Maura." Jane waved her arms at her partner. "Hey, are you with me?"

Maura gave Jane a very brief smile. The line to the barista was long and slow. She was losing her nerves waiting in the sun for an iced coffee and her latent headache made it all even worse. She crossed her arms against her chest then pouted.

"By the way, is it all good for Saturday?"

Jane feigned to not understand what Maura was talking about. She raised an eyebow and innocently sank her hands in the pockets of her capri pants. She then counted until five in her head.

"What's on Saturday?"

"Jane!" Maura blushed as she realized that she had spoken too loudly. She cleared her voice and came closer to her partner. "The charity event at the Public Library. I told you about it at least eight days ago."

The evening was part of Maura's duty. As an Isles, she had to attend this kind of events. She didn't mind them, because she was used to them. Besides, she saw it as an opportunity to do something couple-ish with Jane. They had been busy at work this past week and they hadn't gone on a date yet.

"Ah... Yeah. That." The lack of enthusiasm in Jane's voice showed very easily. "I don't know yet. I may do extra-hours at work."

Maura gasped. She was slightly overreacting for not feeling well but she also knew that Jane didn't have to do any extra-hour. The only reason why her partner now mentioned extra-time at the BPD was because Jane didn't want to go to the charity event. She hated them.

"Oh, come on! You could make an effort. I watched baseball with you last week. I made a compromise. Now it's your turn."

Jane held back a laugh. She and Maura sounded very domestic suddenly. It was quite funny. Jane found it cute. However she knew that Maura still had a hard time to deal with it.

"From the couch, Maura. You didn't have to dress up to the nine and be out and about for the rest of the night talking to boring people and pretending you're friend with the whole crowd of guests."

Jane didn't like the socialite sphere Maura belonged to because she felt left aside. She hadn't grown up a member of the country club. She wasn't part of their little world.

"It'd be the occasion to introduce you officially. Isn't it what you've been dying for, lately?"

Jane didn't miss Maura's snappy tone. It wasn't mean. Maura was actually right. Jane had alluded to the possibility of making their relationship official but Maura had backed in retreat. She enjoyed the relative anonymity of it. She wanted it to last until at least September.

Which was in two days now.

"So you wanna introduce me to strangers but keep on lying to our friends and colleagues?"

As much as Jane knew what Maura had meant, her ego had just spoken for her. She wasn't entirely wrong either. As a matter of fact, both of them were right. To an extent.

Jane loved what she was building with Maura. For the very first time in her life, she had this feeling to be at the right place at the right time. With the right person. Her bond with Maura had only strengthened and she was falling hard for the sweetness they had built.

Maura brought her own touch to their relationship. She liked spicying things up a bit. Jane understood that it was something Maura had always done because it matched her temper. She was fine with it as long as her partner didn't forget that being in a romantic relationship was different than being friends with benefits.

"I beg your pardon?"

Jane winced. She shouldn't have said what she had just said. Obviously Maura wasn't in a good mood and the last thing she needed to hear was Jane being snarky too.

"You're not ready to let our friends know that we're together but you don't mind telling it to these people?"

Maura scoffed. She looked at the barista and wondered for brief seconds why the line wasn't moving. Her patience was reaching its limits.

"It's completely different, Jane. These people are strangers... Or better said, they are acquaintances. I don't care about them as much as I care about our friends, about our colleagues and... And about our relatives. I don't want to ruin this moment with our beloved ones."

"How telling them we're together can ruin anything?" Jane ran a hand through her hair. She was sweaty and very thirsty. "Can't this line move any slower? Dammit." She swallowed hard. "I've put aside all my fears and insecurities for you. Do you get that?"

Maura's heart tightened. She perfectly understood what Jane meant and she was even jealous of it because against all expectations, Jane had been braver than her. And faster in her acceptation.

Just not for the same reasons.

Jane was impulsive. She rarely overthought anything. Most of the times, she rushed head first and dealed with the consequences of her acts afterward. Maura was the exact opposite. She liked anticipating things. She couldn't help thinking that the moment she would admit her feelings openly then she would lose her shield as well.

And then she would be too fragile.

"Of course, I do."

"Then why don't you say it? Not even once."

Jane's voice broke. She was being emotional in public and she hated it. This wasn't the right place for such conversation. She wasn't angry with Maura but the situation made her feel frustrated. She thought about the morning, how they had made love before getting up and going to work. It had been sweet, and intense. Easy.

It was always easy when they had sex. As Maura had said some time in April not long after they had started their friendship with benefits, they were sexually compatible. It had made Jane burst out laughing by then because it had sounded very impersonal, almost scientific like. Now it began to weigh a bit too much on her soul.

"Jane..."

"What now?" Jane let another heavy sigh pass her lips. "I don't like these charity events. They're boring and they make me feel like shit but you know I'd attend a zillion of them just for you. It's just... What is it that I have the feeling I'm the only one who's really making efforts here?"

A woman who must have overheard Jane's question by accident stared at Maura before focusing on the floor. Maura swallowed hard. The last thing she wanted now was to deal with Jane throwing a scene at her in the middle of a crowded coffee shop. Jane had her reasons to react that way but Maura still felt uncomfortable.

"You aren't the only one who makes compromises, Jane. I watched baseball with you and..."

Jane scoffed which interrupted Maura mid-sentence. Maura rolled her eyes. Perhaps watching a baseball game had very little to do with making a relationship official but she didn't find it fair from Jane to say that their relationship was one-sided. It wasn't. Maura took Jane on a date on a frequent basis and she made sure her partner was happy.

Saying 'I love you' and making it all official was the last stage Maura still had to reach.

It shouldn't have been so difficult though. Because it was Jane. Because Maura felt incomplete when her partner wasn't around. Because her heart did skip a beat when she looked into Jane's dark eyes. Because it was terribly evident. Yet Maura was stuck.

"Baseball... Oh, come on!" A sarcastic, bitter laugh passed Jane's lips. A lump had formed in her throat as her heart had tightened painfully. "How can you even compare both? You know what? Go on. Don't leave your comfort zone and run away from your life as you've always done. You're really good at it. And if you ever get some guts... If you ever realize how fragile life can be, then you know where to find me."

Jane turned around. Without adding anything, she walked out the coffee shop and began to walk down the street.

Maura blinked. In shock. She hadn't seen it come yet deep inside she knew that she deserved it. Jane had given her her heart a long time ago when Maura had only showed pieces of it. Because she was afraid of assuming everything.

"Hmm... Sorry. Ma'am?" The barista waited for Maura to turn around to face him. "What's your order?"

Maura realized that she had finally made it to the bar counter. Sadly she didn't want anything anymore. Her life had stopped making sense the moment Jane had left the shop.

"Nothing..." She bowed her head shamefully as a whisper passed her lips. "I'm sorry."


	33. Chapter Thirty-Two

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews; unlike an anon. reviewer, I think it's not ooc for Maura to not accept/embrace her feelings - both in the books and in the show (it's better explained in the books), she desperately tries to not fall in love because it hurt her in the past.**

 **Chapter Thirty-Two**

 _I wasn't taught how to love, how to fall in love and be happy with it. I was taught to be careful instead and to measure my feelings. My parents never told me that they loved me. I was adopted. I know what it is like to feel abandoned for a reason that doesn't make sense at first. That's why I'm careful now. I can't help it. Yet it's costing me Jane._

Unable to look at her own reflection in the mirror a second longer, Maura turned her head and stepped into her bath. The AC was still on in spite of Jane not being around. Maura hadn't found the strength to turn it off. She didn't want to. It was her fault. What had happened was her fault and she wanted everything to remind her of Jane. She had to suffer from it.

She hadn't run after Jane after Jane's outburst at the coffee shop. She had let her go away instead before driving back home in a state of shock.

 _It's not over. It's not over. It's not over._

She had repeated the sentence in her head over and over like a mantra that would give her the necessary strength to not burst into tears. It had worked out. Surprisingly. Unexpectedly. Even if she didn't really believe it.

People used to say that arguing was part of life, that it was even healthy. Maybe it was. Yet Maura was scared of it. It had happened to her and Jane once in the past and she had hated it. Deeply hated it. Besides, they weren't lovers by then.

The context was different this time, just as the reason of their argument was.

Maura understood Jane's reaction. She even found it to be fair. As a matter of fact, it surprised her that it hadn't happened any time earlier. Jane had showed patience and her patience hadn't been rewarded. Perhaps Maura didn't control her inner fears but she was still the one to blame. To an extent.

The water was cool. It embraced her body softly. She closed her eyes and leaned her head backwards. She needed a time off in order to analyze everything. The house was quiet, she was alone. Jane would probably not spend the night over. It broke Maura's heart as she already missed her partner but perhaps it was exactly what she needed to finally make things clear.

"Why do you always have to screw up everything?"

Her whisper rose in the bathroom. It slid along her arms, made her shiver and vanished in the air before she had time to sigh.

It couldn't happen. She couldn't let the past repeat itself. Not with Jane. She had got over the others but it was different with Jane. Maura knew that what she had experienced with her previous dates had nothing to do with what she had with Jane. Thus she couldn't let it go.

Or else living became a mere, dull option.

"Don't be ridiculous."

She didn't have suicidal thoughts. It wasn't even an option. She was very happy deep inside because Jane had brought her the balance she needed in her life. She didn't want to put an end to it. Even less now that their friendship had melted into the sweetest relationship.

She could have talked to Lucy. She could have asked her for advices. But something told Maura that she had to handle the situation on her own this time. She had to show maturity, and wisdom. It was now or never.

Besides, Lucy had already told her everything that had to be said. She didn't have anything to add. No. This time Maura would have to face her fears without the help of anyone.

...

"Maybe... Maybe I shouldn't have told her that." Jane bowed her head in shame. "Gosh. Of course, I should have shut up. Dammit!"

She cast a timid glance at Frost. Not only had she told him that she was dating Maura but she had also let him know about the argument she and Maura had had at the coffee shop. Because she had felt the urge to talk to someone. Because Frost had been the only one she had thought about on the moment.

It was the first time the two of them talked about their romantic life with such seriousness. The moment was strange but comforting. Jane was realizing that it was what she needed and Frost was the perfect person for such kind of talk. She did not have a lot of friends outside of work. Thus the friendship she had built with Frost was a blessing. A real one.

"You shouldn't have shut up. You let her know how you feel. That's how we do it, Jane. Perhaps it's going to hurt the two of you but you've been honest and nothing beats honesty. Keep that in mind. I mean it."

A timid smile played on Jane's lips, for a brief second. Frost had a sensitivity that nobody else had at the BPD. Not even women. She was lucky to be able to call him her work partner. She folded her legs up and leaned her chin on top of her knees. She passed her arms around her legs, protectively.

"You knew it was Maura, right? You knew it was her the woman I was talking about the day I told you and Korsak that I was dating a woman."

Frost looked down at his lap. He looked embarrassed. A nervous laugh slid on his lips.

"Well... It's not you're underestimating my detective skills, Jane... It's that it's quite evident. No offense, Jane, but we all guessed it. You and Maura, it was only a matter of time."

Jane gave him a slow nod. She didn't know how to take such piece of information. She felt a bit stupid now. However, she was sure that nobody could guess how it had started. That was still comforting. She and Maura had fooled them.

Somehow.

"Maura and I..." She ran her tongue over her lips. "It's been going on for a while. For several months, actually. It's just... You know..." She made a vague gesture with her hand. "It's just it wasn't really a romantic relationship at first."

"No. Please. Really." Frost raised his arms and shook his head vehemently. "I really don't need the details. It only belongs to you and Dr. Isles."

Jane burst out laughing. She frowned at her friend then shook her head in disbelief.

"Will you ever stop calling her Dr. Isles? She calls you Barry! Not that it's any better..."

Frost took a sip of beer. He had driven all the way to Jane's apartment as soon as she had called him but the temperatures were such in her one-bedroom apartment that both friends had walked to the Esplanade to have a drink there. A drink and a talk.

There were a lot of people by the Charles River but the place was nonetheless quiet and perfect for a heart-to-heart small conversation.

"Maybe one day I'll have to call her Mrs. Rizzoli."

The remark caused Jane to blush heavily. She hadn't thought about marriage. As a matter of fact, such possibility was so far from her world that she could barely picture it out. And even less now.

"With the last convo Maura and I had?" A sarcastic laugh passed Jane's lips. "I don't think you will ever have to. Nope."

"Oh, come on! It's just an argument. You'll do just fine. And together."

"How can you be so sure?"

Frost smiled. He looked serene and full of a beautiful, honest self-confidence. His state of mind contrasted immensely with Jane's current confusion.

"I can see it in your eyes."

Jane rolled the aforesaid eyes. She wasn't made for poetry in disguise. She liked bare facts, honest ones. Even if they hurt. That was how reality was, anyway.

She swallowed hard.

"What should I do now?"

Jane honestly felt stuck. She regretted the words she had told Maura because it had broken their harmony. Yet a part of her felt relieved too because she had said something meaningful. And because that harmony wasn't as beautiful as what Jane had wanted to believe. It needed to be fixed.

She just feared the worst now, though. She didn't want to break up with Maura, not after all the energy and the courage she had put in their story. She wanted to believe in it. As a matter of fact, she did believe in it. And she would do anything to make sure that it wouldn't get reduced to dust.

"Nothing."

Frost's reply took her aback.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing. I mean: nothing... Just do what you told her earlier today. Wait for her. Give her some time. Dr. Isles loves analyzing every single detail of the human life and that's what she needs to do right now. So let her do that and once she's ready, she'll come back to you."

It sounded nice on paper, even reassuring. Sadly Jane knew that reality could be very different.

"What if she doesn't come back?"

"Oh, she will. Believe me."

Jane frowned. She really had a hard time following her friend's reasoning at times. She turned her head and looked at him.

"How can you be so sure?"

Frost gave her a wink.

"It's in her eyes."


	34. Chapter Thirty-Three

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all your reviews and messages, the fic will come to an end tomorrow (more or less as planned).**

 **Chapter Thirty-Three**

Jane barely hid her annoyance the moment Frost walked back into the squad room. She frowned at her colleague and waited for him to sit down at his desk to ask him the question that burnt her lips.

"What's so interesting in the morgue that you stayed there for so long?"

Her question was probably inappropriate since she was the one who had asked Frost to go see Maura in the first place. Jane wanted to avoid Maura. Barely a day and a half had passed by and she wasn't ready to see her partner anew. As a matter of fact, she was even glad that she and Maura hadn't had to go on a crime scene together. Fate had been nice to them and they had been able to keep a reasonable distance.

"Dr. Isles and I needed to have a talk."

Jane's hear skipped a beat. She swallowed hard and subconsciously pursed her lips. This was not the kind of answer she had hoped to hear. Even from Frost whom she could trust.

"... 'Bout what?"

Frost stared at her in disbelief which caused her to immediately raise her hands to apologize for her obviously intrusive question. He was right. Jane had to admit it. Frost was nice enough to adapt to the situation. Thus she couldn't ask him more efforts.

"If you really wanted to know then you had to go downstairs all by yourself, Jane. Deal with it."

"Is she okay though?" Jane's voice broke. Of course she had been thinking about Maura a lot these past few hours. She needed to be sure that Maura was fine. "She's working on her speech for tonight, right? I'm sure she is."

Maura's office and the BPD joined for a charity event later during the day. It took place every year and Jane had to admit that she often had fun out there. Sadly she didn't think she would be able to say the same about this year. She dreaded the moment she and Maura would be in the same room, at the same table. Because it was exactly what was about to happen. Jane knew it. She and Maura were always at the same table.

It was the kind of evidence that had always made sense. Or at least until now.

Frost nodded. He held out to Jane a medical file with lab results and folded the legs of his action figure so it could sit down on top of his desk.

"Her speech is ready, indeed."

"Ah! I knew it." Jane had spoken very loudly but she couldn't care less. "She read her speech to you, that's why it took you so long to come back up here. I'm right, hmm?"

Frost seemed to hesitate for long seconds but the glowing of his face betrayed his inner thoughts. He finally smiled at Jane before giving her a nod.

"It's a wonderful speech... The kind of speech we won't forget."

The remark made Jane feel proud. Her reaction was a bit ridiculous but she couldn't help it. She was glad and felt very proud of Maura's achievements. Even if they still avoided each other right now.

...

Jane pulled on her collar. She didn't feel at ease. Not only was she forced to wear her uniform but she knew that Maura would show up any minute now.

The event was in full swing. The guests were arriving and groups of discussion had formed before people to finally go sit at their designated tables.

"Tell me once again why we have to wear this uniform when everyone else is dressed up to the nine? It makes me feel so stupid."

Frost laughed quietly. He wasn't very fond of the idea of wearing his uniform either but he didn't take it as badly as Jane did. They both walked to their table where Korsak was already sitting. Like every year.

Jane honestly liked the event even if she complained it always followed the same scheme, the same program. She wasn't exaggerating. It was true. She could tell her friends and colleagues what and when every single point of the evening would take place. She could even place her bets on their boss' jokes.

The charity event was nice but everything was way too expected.

"Last-minute change." Korsak waved the program each guest could find next to their glasses. "It's the Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth who launches the meal."

Jane held back a moan. She knew what was coming and she wasn't ready for it at all. But then Korsak couldn't guess anything. Only Frost had a vague idea of her current state of mind.

Her dark eyes fixed upon the stage. Within a few minutes now, the woman who had made Jane believe in love again would be there. She would talk about the work of her team as well as the work of the BPD. Then she would share a few words for the families who had lost their beloved ones on duty.

It was the whole point of this evening. The charity raised money for the children of late officers.

"Has she arrived yet?"

Jane obviously didn't sound as casual as she had hoped to because Korsak stared at her as if she had just spoken to him in Greek.

"You didn't make it here with her? That's usually how it works."

Jane heard Frost laugh discreetly but she preferred to remain focused on Korsak's remark. He had a point, one that explained why her dating Maura wasn't surprising to many.

"Nope..." A bright but painful smile played on Jane's lips. "Not this year, I'm afraid. I've come straight from Back Bay."

"Dr. Isles was working until 7pm today. She told me she'd come here straight after work."

Jane cast a glance at Frost and thanked him in silence for his clever remark. She knew that Maura worked late today but it hadn't crossed her mind that she could use this detail as an argument. Frost had done it for her. Thus Korsak wouldn't ask any further question.

The room was full now. As a matter of fact, Maura was the only one missing. Jane frowned as confusion invaded her. She hoped that Maura wouldn't skip the event because of their argument at the coffee shop. That would be disastrous.

"Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please."

A feminine voice caused Jane to turn around and look at the stage. The founder of the charity event, Carla Dominguez, was now speaking in the microphone. The evening was obviously about to start now.

This is when Jane spotted Maura. Her partner was timidly standing on the very far end of the stage. She was patiently waiting for Carla to introduce her to go and deliver her very own speech. Jane swallowed hard and immediately focused back on Carla in order to avoid an uncomfortable eye-contact with Maura.

"Welcome to our annual charity held by the BPD and the chief medical examiner's office. I won't make you wait any longer... Thank you very much for being part of this evening. Now please welcome the Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts: Dr. Maura Isles."

The whole room politely applauded. Jane more timidly than the rest of the guests. She barely dared to look at Maura for two seconds.

"Good evening, everyone." Maura's voice sounded loudly in the room. It was very self-assured, full of this sweet authority Jane loved so much. "Before I go any further into this speech, please accept my apologies for the last-minute change in tonight's program but... I would like to talk to you about... About someone before us to share this delicious dinner together in memory of the men and the women who lost their lives on duty."

Jane's heart sped up its pace. Her blood turned icy and she literally froze as Maura's words passed underneath her skin.

"I wanted to talk to you about someone who holds a very, very special place in my heart. We met six years ago under... Unsual circumstances... And she instantly changed my life. For the better. She is kind, and caring. A bit stubborn at times but honest and passionate. She is in this room tonight and..."

Jane glanced at Frost. She held back a sigh of frustration as she noticed the way her colleague and friend was now smiling. He had known since the very beginning. Frost had known that Maura would speak about Jane in her speech.

"Her dedication to the BPD is exemplary. She doesn't hesitate to risk her life to save people... As she did for me, on several occasions in the past. The person I am talking about as some of you must have guessed by now is Homicide Detective Jane Rizzoli."

Jane held her breath as she felt a hundred pairs of eyes on her. She didn't particularly like being the center of attention.

"Jane, please. Look at me."

Jane did. Reluctantly. And because Maura's voice was suddenly shaking.

"Within these past six years, you have offered me a lot more than a mere friendship. You have allowed me to understand that I didn't have to be lonely, that I deserved to be loved and... To be listened at. I wouldn't be standing here right now if you hadn't supported me, if you hadn't led me to understand that... That I had a place in this city and a role to play in this world. You are my light, Jane. I owe you my life." Maura held back a sob but bravely kept on talking. She did not have any paper to read because she simply had to let her heart talk for her. And the words came easily, so easily. "I hope that Jane Austen won't mind me stealing her words... I only do it because she is a lot more talented than I am to express something that is burning my lips: _"In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I adrmire and love you."_ I love you, Jane. I am in love with you. And I am not afraid to say it now just as I am not afraid to ask you to marry me."


	35. Epilogue

**A/N: Niamh is an Irish name, one of the most popular; it is pronounced 'Neevh'.**

 **Epilogue**

 _Two years and a half later_

"I'm not too sure, Jane."

Maura looked at the transparent water of the swimming-pool one more time before shaking her head at Jane in disapproval.

She had a bad feeling about it. A very bad feeling. The kind of feeling that makes your hands get too damp and your mouth dry. Fear. One more time, Maura feared the worst.

"These swimming lessons paid off. Don't be worried."

Without waiting for Maura to say anything back, Jane plunged the seventeen-month baby in the water and made her swim under the water for five seconds. Laughter welcomed Maura as their daughter emerged back. Jane planted a loud kiss on the baby's cheek. She then settled her in her arms protectively.

She gave Maura a wink.

"See? You gave birth to a mermaid." Jane looked at the baby with a surge of pride in her eyes. "What a big girl you are, Niamh! Mommy's proud of you... And mom's scared for the next ten days or so."

Maura rolled her eyes but gave her daughter a bright smile as the baby looked into her eyes. She squeezed in delight and gently brushed Niamh's nose with her hand. She felt proud too but she didn't manage to be the 'cool mom'. It was Jane's role, not hers. Maura saw potential dangers at every corner.

"Don't do that ever again without warning me first, Jane." The so-called anger Maura felt towards her wife got swept away by her amused tone of voice. She couldn't be mad at Jane for that. Niamh had been taking swimming lessons for a while and Jane was a very careful mother. "Unless you want me to die of a heart attack, of course."

"And find myself alone with two gremlins at home?" Jane passed a soothing hand on her large stomach. She was eight-month pregnant now. "No, thank you. I definitely need you in my life, Maura."

Jane was teasing Maura and Maura perfectly knew it. That's why she didn't say anything back and preferred to focus instead on the joy that lit up their daughter's face. Niamh really liked being in the water. It was a fact.

Jane needed Maura in her life just as much as Maura needed Jane in hers. Perhaps such point had always been evident, right from the day they had met at the Division One Cafe, but the logic that hid behind such fact had became even clearer two years and a half earlier when their friendship had evolved into a romantic relationship.

 _"And I am not afraid to say it now just as I am not afraid to ask you to marry me."_ Maura had paused, not for effect but because her emotions had overwhelmed her without any warning. _"Will you marry me, Jane?"_

Many things had happened during this charity event of September. Perhaps even everything. That evening had settled Jane and Maura's life forever. Then they had gone from colleagues and friends to wives. And it had sounded right.

The crowd had gasped as Maura had proposed to Jane. Jane had remained still, in shock. Of course, she hadn't imagined that Maura would ask her to marry her. Even less in front of everyone. They had argued two days earlier and the situation between the two of them was critic. Jane had hoped for a conversation between them but at no moment had she thought that Maura would be brave enough to do what she had just done.

Thus Maura had left the stage. Quietly. She had walked to Jane before kneeling down in front of her and before grabbing her hand to slide on her finger the platinum ring Jane was still wearing now.

 _"Will you?"_

Against all expectations, Jane hadn't paid attention to the crowd anymore. The world had stopped as Maura had knelt in front of her, and as she had looked into her eyes with a fragile intensity. Under other circumstances, Jane would have said that such scenario would have made her die at the scene but reality had turned out to be completely different and this moment had become one of the most unforgettable ones of her life.

 _"Yes... Of course, I'll marry you."_

Things had gone very fast from there. The applaud and cheering of the crowd had vanished in the night and life had taken them into a dizzy whirl of fully assumed happiness.

They had got married in December, on a beautiful and sunny day of winter. The snow around them was pure and shining and everyone looked happy. By April Maura had got pregnant and she had given birth to a healthy little girl named Niamh nine months later.

Building a family was something that they had talked about very early on after getting married. Unless they chose adoption, they couldn't wait for too long to try via an IVF. Everything had gone well. Perfectly well.

And now Jane was expecting their second child. They didn't know the sex of the baby. Just like the first time around, they wanted to have the surprise the day she would give birth. They were fine with either of them anyway. A little brother or a little sister for Niamh couldn't make them happier.

"Do you want to swim for a while?" Maura took their daughter in her arms to free Jane of the weight. "I know the water was very relaxing for me when I was eight-month pregnant. You don't feel the weight in the water."

Jane gave her wife a nod. She loved Niamh to pieces but her back was killing her and the skin of her stomach was tense. She had reached this stage of her pregnancy when it wasn't very comfortable anymore to carry a baby.

She watched how Maura walked out of the water with their daughter in her arms. As soon as Maura began to walk, Niamh moved her chubby legs and motioned the ground. Maura obliged and kept on walking while holding their daughter's hand as the baby made unsteady steps towards their bath towels.

Jane swallowed hard. She felt lucky, very lucky. Sometimes she didn't understand why these past years had been so easy on her.

She loved her job and the love she had for her family was just impossible to describe properly. The feelings her pregnancy had stirred up were powerful as well. She had never been too sure about it before but seeing Maura deliver their daughter had really pushed her fears aside and she was glad to live it now herself.

"What do you want to do, honey?" Maura settled Niamh on her bath towel. The little girl grabbed a plastic, waterproof book immediately. "Oh, you want to read? This is an excellent idea, Niamh."

Jane joined them ten minutes later. She sat down on her own bath towel with quite a lot of difficulty but her ego made her smile all along. She didn't want to show any kind of vulnerability. She wanted people to think that, even at this stage of her pregnancy, she was still the same reckless and tough woman they knew.

Even if it happened to be a private swimming-pool.

With Jane giving birth in June, she and Maura had decided to take a two-week vacation in May in order to enjoy their last moments of togetherness at three. They knew that the arrival of a newborn would change their life again and that they wouldn't have much time for themselves for a while. Thus they had headed to their little house in Maine, in that little town where Jane had taken Maura on a getaway for her birthday two years and a half earlier.

The house was small but lovely and it had a swimming-pool in the backyard which both Jane and Maura enjoyed a lot. As soon as the temperatures rose, they left Boston for the weekend and headed there to have a lovely and quiet time together. Just like now.

"Are you alright? Do you want something?"

Maura cast a glance at Niamh who was really focused on a plastic firetruck for babies before looking at Jane. She slid an arm around her wife's waist and rested a hand on top of Jane's stomach.

The baby kicked.

"We have a second mermaid on the way." Jane laughed quietly. She leaned over and kissed Maura softly on the lips. Maura responded to it immediately. They only broke the kiss because they weren't alone, and because Jane did really not see herself do anything on the ground while being eight-month pregnant. "But I'm fine. Really."

When Jane thought about the evolution of her life these past few years, she coudn't but be amazed by it. The bond she had with Maura had strengthened. The days of their friendship with benefits were long gone now but something unique had risen from them. She and Maura had found the right balance.

Their feelings were deep and strong but they hadn't succumbed to a dull routine either. They kept on surprising each other, on a frequent basis.

Niamh's happy shrieks caught their attention. They both looked down at their daughter who was very happy to have an ant running now on her leg. Her big hazel eyes were glimmering of delight.

"Gosh, Maura. Not only is she you're perfect lookalike but she's also a science nerd."

Maura shrugged apologetically. Jane was right. Constance kept on sending them pictures of Maura at the same age and Niamh couldn't look more like her. The baby had the same hazel eyes, and the same pale complexion.

Her temper was also very close to Maura's, or at least according to Constance.

"My babyyyyyy..." Jane tried to bend over to catch their daughter. In vain. Her stomach prevented her from doing it. She looked at Maura, a bit embarrassed, then burst out laughing. "Good thing she's now walking. At least she can come to me all by herself."

Jane plunged her dark eyes into Maura's hazel eyes with such intensity that it made her heart beat faster almost immediately. The same happened to Maura who grabbed Jane's hand and squeezed it tightly.

This was it: the perfect bliss.

The End

 **Author's Note: Thank you everyone for all the reviews you've posted all along this fic (there's a glitch, I get the email alert for your reviews and I can read them but they don't appear here yet; it's happened already in the past and it seems to come back all by itself; so feel free to leave a review as I can read it and hopefully I will be able to reply to it soon). I hope you've enjoyed the story (sorry there wasn't any extra M rated scene but I didn't think it would match the last two chapters that were more emotional related). I'll be back on August, 1st. I'm thinking about writing a pregnancy story but nothing is sure yet. Thank you again!**


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